when I healed your soul
by Assbutt in a trenchcoat
Summary: Castiel saves Dean's Soul from hell before Dean breaks the first seal. But Deans Soul is too damaged to fill it back into the Body again, so Castiel tries to heal Deans Soul. The two of them spend a lot of time together and feelings start to develop. But their luck is soon taken away. How can you love someone when you don't remember it? -Major character deaths in later chapters-
1. Chapter 1

The angels name was Castiel. As long as he remembered he had sat quiet and watched how the years went by. In an angels life one day on earth was just a second, just a blink. He had seen thousands of years go by, he saw how nations fell and wars were fought. Although this sounded terrible he always enjoyed watching the humans because there were also a lot of beatiful Things in this world.  
One day he sat in the heaven from a man of Dakota. It was a rosegarden with a little stonebench in it's middle. This garden was Castiels favorite place from every other heaven he had seen. The soul of the man walked around watering his flowers, not knowing that he was watched by an angel. Castiel was looking at all the beauty in this garden as he heard how someone called for him.

"Castiel", the voice said. As Castiel listened close he could recognice the voice of the archangel Michael.

"Yes my brother?", Castiel asked and looked up into the sky.

"I have a task for you. My vessel was sent to hell and he is going to break the first seal."  
Castiel was alarmed when he heard that. He knew that when the first seal was broken nothing could stop the demons from setting Lucifer free. If that happened apocalypse was about to start and the angels would have to fight, humanity was going to end.

"You want me to stop him?", Castiel asked and got up from the stone bench.

"No"

"What do you mean with no? Does it mean god comanded you to just let the apocalypse happen?", Castiel yelled. He was completly shocked about this and felt a bit angry. "So let me get that right, you are just going to leave humanity alone and let our brothers and sisters die with it? Haven't we watched over them all of these years and now you're just giving up?"

"Don't yell at me Castiel. We all knew this was going to happen and if it's not happening today it's going to happen maybe one century later or maybe two. You can't stop this Castiel so are you helping me or not?!", Michael answered a bit harsh. Castiel looked down to the ground and took a bit time to think. _If I help Michael it's going to get worse, but what if I do this on his own? I could get the soul out of hell and there wont be any problem at all. Everything I need is a Name.  
_ "Fine", Castiel said finally and looked up to the sky again, "Just tell me what to do"

"I see you're acting intelligent in this one. I knew you would"

Castiel sighed. He was so done with Michael but he needed to know the souls name.

"You'll rescue my vessel from hell when he broke the seal so I can fight when Lucifer rises. It's going to happen in one week."

Castiel simply nodded. "How do I find him? What's his name?"  
Castiel didn't knew that the next thing Michael was about to say would change his life forever.

"His name is Dean Winchester."


	2. Chapter 2

Castiel was a bit nervous when he cut the sygills into his vessels ribs. He had to be onehundret percently sure that the other angels wouldnt find out that he was about to save the soul before he could break the first seal, but if they did he was screwed. But he was safe with the sygills they would hide him, even from Michael.

Castiel took a deep breath and looked up to the devilsgate he was standing at. The moment he entered hell he was already surrounded by demons. The heat was breathtaking and the only light he could see was a little shine of red somewhere in the distance. The screams of the tortured souls made Castiel worry about this Dean or whatever he was called. One of the ten demons tried to attack Castiel. The demon didn't come far Castiel was faster and killed the demon just by touching his forehead. The other nine demons got into panic when they saw how Castiel killed their friend.

"Where is the soul of Dean Winchester?", he asked loudly.

The voice of his vessel wasn't that deep, but when Castiel talked it soundeda bit deeper, scarier. As the demons didn't answer he started yelling.

"Where is he?!"

One of the demons opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something but he got interrupted by the demon girl next to him.

"Don't you dare! Allistair is going to make us suffer if we tell him!", she muttered.

"If you're not going to tell me I'm going to make you suffer too. But when you show me the way I'll end your worthless existence. It wont even hurt."

The demon girl just laughed but the one that wanted to show Castiel the way looked really scared. The girl made a step towards Castiel.

"Why do you think we're going to tell you where our little Winchester boy is? We fear Allistair more than we fear an idiot in a trenchcoat."

The second she said that Castiel held a hand at her forehead and killed her. The other demons seemed to be not happy about this. Seven of them attacked Castiel but they didn't survive long enough to reach him.

Castiel looked around and noticed that there was one demon left. It was the one that was scared of Castiel.

"Please don't kill me.", he whispered. "I like to live down here...I'll tell you where he is but please don't kill me."

Castiel simply nodded. He was a bit confused. He didn't think that someone actually liked living in hell.

"They are torturing him. You have to go all the way down. Allistair told us to bring him into the darkest tortureroom of all. You'll know that it's him when you see him. Every soul that has been tortured like that, get's darker with every day down here. But not this one. His soul is still as light as yours."

That surprised Castiel. He knew that a soul had to be strong to stay light down here but this soul made it for three months eventhough they've tortured him.

"Thank you", Castiel just said as he walked past the demon.

Castiel hated the hell. It was too hot for his vessel and he already sweated since he had started to walk down the stairs. He couldn't even get a clear thought through all the screams of suffering souls. And then all of the demons that tried to stop him, he would never admit it but on the endless walking down of stairs he got a bit tired. Then all of a sudden he saw a bright light comming out of one of the doors. When he came closer he saw that the room was full of demons. He cursed all of them eventhough he didn't knew that much cursewords. He walked a bit closer to the door and then he saw him.

The appearance of this soul made Castiel breathless for the first time he remembered. He never saw a soul as pure as that. The light he sent out filled the whole room. The beauty of this soul amazed Castiel. Dean Winchesters soul was comparable to an angels grace.

"Do you want to torture on your own now Mr Winchester?"

This sentence pulled Castiel back into reality.

"Fuck you Allistair.", someone else said.

This voice sounded weak but he seemed to mean what he said. Castiel guessed that it was Dean.

Castiel saw how one of the darkest souls he ever saw came near the bleeding person of pure light. The demons had hang up Dean on some chains in the middle of the room. They were everywhere. As Allistair took out a knife that looked real strange and started to cut into Deans chest until he screamed, Castiel couldn't wait any longer. He walked straight through the room full of demons. Every demon tried to attack him got killed. Castiel was sick of all the demons and he couldn't stand Deans screams anymore. Castiel was already about to kill the dark demon, Allistair, as he plugged the strange knife into Deans chest and turned around to Castiel.

"I hate being interrupted", said the demon with a strange sartanic grin on his face.

"I'll take this soul with me.", said Castiel simply. He had neither the time nor the nervs for playing around.

"Well I guess you're not.", laughed the demon suddenly holding another strange knife in his hand. Castiel wasn't fast enough. Allistair cut Castiel in his arm with the knife and the pain that got out from the wound shocked Castiel. He wasn't used to pain. He took a step back and stared at the demon.

"Whats this knife?"

"Oh you like it? It's my favorite knife.", Allistair laughed.

"Set the soul free", Castiel commanded again.

"Why would I? It's so much fun with the Winchesters, like father like son!"

Suddenly Castiel noticed that the soul behind them started to move.

"Don't you say one only word about my father. You don't know anything!", Dean yelled who was trying to free himself from the chains. He pulled with every power left, eventhough the knife in his chest hurted badly.

"Would you please mind your own business for a while Dean? I'm bussy!"

Allistair turned around to Dean, pulled out the knife and plugged it back in again. While he was doing that Castiel had a little time to run towards Allistair. Castiel grabbed the knife from behind and stabbed him.

The demon screamed loudly and turned to dust more and more every second the knife stuck in his chest.

Without wasting a second Castiel ran to the soul who was still chained up in the middle of the room. Now that Castiel came near the soul, it started to look like the human it once was. He had dark, sandy blonde hair and under a thick collar of eyelashes he saw a sparkling green eyes.

Castiel didn't waste time. He had to take his time before other demons could show up. Castiel broke the chains as fast as he could, then he grabbed Dean from behind and spread his wings.

Castiel left hell with a little glowing soul in his arms...


	3. Chapter 3

**Note from Author: Hey guys! First of all I wanted to thank you all for reading this. At first I thought that nobody would ever even read what I'm writing but now that I saw that some of you actually read this story I'm feeling better. Also: I forgot to explain, I wrote that Deans soul was as light as an angels grace in the story and in the summary it says that his soull is too damaged to fill it back into his body. If you don't know what I mean it sounds really stupid, but in my story the soul represents your kidness ect. So if you're a good person your soul is light (also explains why Allistairs soul is one of the darkest Castiel ever saw). With damage I mean the things they did to Deans soul. We all know what happened to Sam in season 6 when he remembered about the cage (I'm sorry if you've not reached season 6 yet) and since Dean was longer in hell than Sam was in 'the cage' I thought it would've been worse than what happened to Sam when he remembered. Sorry again that I forgot to explain. I hope you enjoy the new chapter! (P.S.: the Destiel part is about to start)**

* * *

When Dean Winchester opened his eyes he saw nothing but a blue sky. Just in his second the pain was back. All of the memories about hell came over him like a wave of darkness and fear. He covered his eyes.

"Stop it! Help me please", he whispered totally desparate.

Castiel stood a few feet away from Dean and watched how he pulled his knees onto his chest.

Castiel wondered how long it would take until the angels would find them. He hadn't have much time to think about where to go, so he brought Dean into the heaven of the man from dakota, the rosegarden. He was glad to be back, eventhough his arm still felt terrible and the other angels could show up every second.

Dean looked terrible and Castiel couldn't even imagine how terrible he must have felt. Dean had big holes where they had hang him up. Now that Castiel had time to look closely he noticed that Dean had little cuts all over his body, that seemed to be very deep.

Dean kept on begging to make it stop. Castiel was so sorry for this poor mans soul, he stepped towards Dean who was still screaming and covering his eyes. Castiel sat down next to the soul in the gras.

"Dean, your safe for now ", Castiel said quietly.

He put two fingers onto Dean forehead to heal atleast the physical wounds. As some of the pain went away Dean stopped screaming and opened his eyes carefully just to close them again a second later.

"T-thanks...", Dean whispered.

He still felt terrible and beaten up but it got a bit better after Mr. Whoeverhewas healed him in a strange wise.

"It's just your physical wounds. The psychic damage wont go away as that fast."

Castiel looked at Dean still a bit worried. He saved the seal but what about the soul? Technically this soul was dead, so he could just send him into his heaven. Castiel sighed. He wasn't sure about that but somehow he felt this need to give Dean his live back, after all he went through...

Castiel bit his lip and decided to just take a little time to think about all of this. Catiel looked over to the roses as he usually did, while Dean was still trying to get over the memories, but it just wouldn't stop.

After some time had passed Castiel looked at Dean again.

"Don't you've got uhm... questions?", he asked a bit puzzled.

The soul had been really quiet. Castiel thought that Dean would just burst out with questions.

"Oh I've got one hell of questions.", Dean muttered. "But I just need to know that one thing: Is Sammy okay?"

Castiel was confused know.

"Who is Sammy?"

"My brother. Sam Winchester, Sammy. I gave my soul to bring him back to life. I promised to keep the deal or else Sam would die. Just tell me if he's fine, if he's not take... take me back..."

Castiel didn't understand this soul. _He had been to hell so why would he ask me to send him back again?,_ he thought _, Just because of his brother?_

Castiel disappeared for a second to look if the other Winchester brother was alright. The second he disappeared, he was already back.

"Your brother is alive.", Catsiel said simply as he sat down again.

Dean released a deep breath, he didn't even know he was holding it. Dean was releaved now that he knew that his brother was safe too.

"Who are you?", Dean asked after another complete while of silence.

"My name is Castiel."

"WHAT are you?"

"I'm an angel of the lord."

"Ha ha. Now c'mon what about the truth?"

"This is the truth."

Dean opened up his eyes, a bit shocked.

"Dean, why do you think I'm lying?"

"Because angels don't exist. And even if they did, why would an angel want to safe ME?"

"Why don't you have a little faith?"

Dean didn't respond to that. He looked at the man who was sitting next to him. He had dark hair and ocean blue eyes, that were staring right back into his own eyes. Dean looked away and noticed the roses in the backround.

"Where am I?", Dean asked confused.

"You're in someones heaven.", Castiel responded simply and looked back at the roses.

"Is there more than one heaven?"

Dean was now completly iritated. He was saved by an angel an the angel brought him to heaven, but this heaven wasn't even the only heaven.

"Every human has his own heaven. It's a place where they feel safe or it's just their favorite place. For this man it was his rosegarden."

In this second three men where entering the garden. All of them wearing a suit.

"Castiel.", said the man in the middle, "We're taking this soul with us."

Dean saw how Castiel got up and walked towards the three of them.

"What do you want to do with him?", Castiel whispered praying that Dean wouldn't hear anything about this. He would totally panic.

Even Dean sat up to watch what happened.

"You know what we're gonna do."

Castiel took a quick look at Dean.

"No.", Castiel said without thinking. "I'm not letting you do this."

Dean started to panic he felt like he knew what they were about to do, and he didn't like it. It was like he could still feel the demon knifes cutting off his skin.

"He has to break the seal Castiel."

"No.", Castiel just said.

The next second Castiel found himself with an angelblade held onto his throat.

"Don't think I wouldn't do it.", the angel said that held the blade.

Castiel already wanted to say 'than do it' but the angel suddenly let go of Castiel.

The angel heard a voice inside of his head. The voice of Michael.

 _Let them go Raphael..._

"But Michael..."

 _Give him one month_

"Why would I do that?"

 _Because I command it. Give him one month to heal the soul._

"I ask you again: why?"

 _Castiel disobeyed my orders. I'll make him suffer but to do this you'll have to do what I say._

Raphael sighed and nodded.

Everyone looked at him, totally confused.

"Michael spoke to me."

"What did he say?", Castiel asked.

"You've got one month to heal the soul."

Castiel sighed relieved. That was at least something he could work with.

"Or else?", Dean asked from behind.

"Or else we put you back into the hole you craweled out of.", Raphael just said with a mean smile.

Before anyone couldsay something else the three other angels were gone.

"What ... what do they mean?!", Dean asked. He was really scared about the thought of going back to hell.

Castiel walked over to Dean and put two of his fingers onto his forehead. The two of them disappeared immediately. The rosegarden was quiet again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Note of the Author: Well hey there again. Hope you liked the last few chapters. Always feel free to leave review because I'd like to know what you think about my story. I really hope you enjoy this chapter.**

* * *

The next thing Dean saw was the old library in Bobby's house.

"Is this-", Castiel cut off Deans word.

"It's your heaven. But we don't have time for this, just lay down on the sofa and close your eyes.", Castiel commanded.

"No please! If I close my eyes... I ... I see ...", Dean broke up in the middle of the sentece .

Everytime he closed his eyes it felt almost like he was back in hell.

Castiel sighed. "Dean I have to heal you. You have to do this. Things will get worse if I don't make it till the month is over."

Dean bit his lip.

"I don't trust you.", Dean said.

"For once you have to. Now stop wasting time, you have no idea how fast this month will be over."

Dean looked at Castiel. He was scared and didn't know what to do. Should he trust Castiel? He dragged him from hell so he could trust him at least a little bit...

"Fine ...", said Dean finally and laid down on the sofa.

Castiel stood infront of him.

"Wait! Before you do whatever you do, what is all of this supposed to mean?", Dean asked and looked up to Castiel.

"We've only got one month to get your soul healthy enough to give it back into your body. You'll have to sleep a lot, go deep into the memories. I'll be watching over you, nothing will happen to you. I have to delete the memories, I probaply wont get all of them but I'll start with the worst memories because they're harder to delete.", Castiel explained.

"Why do you do all of this Castiel?"

Castiel took a deep breath.

"Don't think I'd do this for you. You're worthless to me. I do this for my family my brothers and sisters. If I can't heal you, hell will rise and a lot of them are gonna die. And not only my family will die, humanity is going to fall. So do what I say and let me heal you!", said Castiel nearly yelling.

Those words hit Dean but he was used to it. It wasn't the first time someone told him that he was worthless. The only persons who ever really cared about him were Sam and Bobby so why would an angel suddenly care about him?

Dean sighed and closed his eyes and preparedfor everything that would come, but the last thing he felt before he sunk into deep sleep where Castiels fingers that slightly touched his forehead.

* * *

When Dean woke up several hours later, Castiel was gone. Dean sat up and looked around. Everything looked just like in Bobby's house, but Dean knew it wasn't.

Dean got up and walked into the kitchen. When he opened the fridge he saw that it was filled up with pie, beer and burger.

"Guess that really IS my heaven.", he said to himself and took out a beer.

Meanwhile Castiel had gathered some informations about Dean. He wanted to know who he had saved. Soon he knew everything. About his mother, Sam, the demon blood, his father and the deal he made to safe his brother. Now that he knew what Dean had been through, he felt really bad about what he said to Dean.

Dean was Standing in the kitchen when Castiel appeared.

"Hello Dean."

"Hello", Dean said quietly.

"Dean, I wanted to apologize for what I said earlier..."

"Just drop it Cas.", Dean muttered and took a mouthfull of beer.

Castiel was a bit confused. He tilt his head a Little.

"What does 'Cas' mean?"

Dean couldn't do anything but laughing.

"What's so funny Dean?"

"Nothing. Cas is a nickname. Never had one?"

"What's a nickname?"

"Okay Looks like you never had one. A nickname is a short form of your Name, if your Name is as Long and dificult as yours. Is it okay when I call you Cas?", Dean explained.

Castiel simply nodded.

"Theres something else I wanted to say... thank you.", Dean said quietly.

"Dean, I..."

"Cas I know you're not doing for me, and that's fine I'm totally okay with it. I'm just glad that you're even helping me."

Castiel nodded. He didn't know how to Reply to that. So he was really releaved as Dean asked how he could help him with the healing.

"You'll have to sleep, like I've already told you. I'll delete as many memories as I can. The ones I can't delete in time I'll hold up with a wall."

Dean nodded.

"Then let's go get some sleep.", Dean said but he didn't Sound that happy about it. He laid down on the Couch and closed his eyes for a Moment it felt better then the last time but he still got this Feeling that something wasn't okay.

"Don't be scared. I'll watch over you, just trust me."

"You know that I can't.", Dean said as he opened his eyes again.

"I know that you've got trust issues but don't doubt me. You'll be safe with me."

Dean looked over to Cas and nodded. He closed his eyes again and took a deep breath. But before the nightmares could catch up to Dean he was already asleep. Castiel took away the memories that were comming up with an enochian spell. Dean was completly calm, now that he had no nightmares anymore. Castiel guarded Dean while he was sleeping. Everytime Dean seemed to remember something he calmed him down. He never left Deans side so the first Thing he saw when he awoke was Cas sitting next to him.

"Cas? You're still here? How Long did I sleep?", Dean asked and ran his fingers through his hair.

Castiel shrugged.

"I don't know I think it must be 24 hours now..."

"Why didn't you wake me up?", Dean sighed.

"I told you that you'd have to sleep a lot.", Castiel explained and stood up.

Deans first Reflex was to get up and walk over to Castiel but he stopped himself.

"Cas?", he said instead of getting up.

The angel turned around immediatly.

"Yes Dean?"

"Could you... Could you watch over Sammy? For a while?"

Dean missed his brother and wanted to know if he's alright. Cas could hear that.

"Dean...", Castiel sighed. There was no time for fooling around on earth and Castiel knew, that Dean knew that.

"Please Cas..."

Castiel bit his lip.

"Fine I'll go. You'd have to eat something wether I stay or not. I'll be back soon."

Before Dean could thank Cas, he was already gone. The second Cas disapeared Dean stood up and walked into the kitchen. He ate a Piece of pie and changed his clothes a bit later.

* * *

When Cas was gone about nearly a hour, Dean started to feel strange. It was almost like he was worried or like he ... missed him.

"Cut it off man! You're not missing this idiot with wings. Maybe you're just Feeling lonely", he told himself as he took another beer out of the fridge.

As he turned around he nearly bumped into Cas who had appeared all of a sudden. They stood so Close that their noses nearly touched.

"Uhm Cas... could you... I mean would you mind my ... personal space?"

Dean was a bit uncomfortable with Cas Standing just Inches away from him.

"Personal space?", Castiel really had no idea what was wrong this time but he did realize that Dean was a Little strange about something.

Dean sighed.

"God, that I really have to explain this. Some People Need their own... uhm space you know? Uhm humans don't stand that Close next to eachother."

"Oh ... right. My apologies.", Castiel said as he took a step back.

Dean chuckled.

"Did I do anything else?"

"No it's just... who says 'my apologies'?"

Now Cas was the one who chuckled. Dean smiled at him and he even smiled back. For a Minute or two they just stood there, looking at eachother, both with a huge smile on their faces. After another while of silence Dean slightly cleared his throat.

"So how's Sammy doin'?", he asked and took a mouthful of beer.

Castiel got a bit nervous because he knew what Sam was doing with Ruby, he even followed him to be completly sure. He knew that Dean wouldn't want to hear it so he decided to lie.

"He's fine.", he said quickly.

Dean didn't notice that he was lying but he got a bit curious.

"Where were you that Long?" _I already worried,_ Dean added in his thoughts.

"I just wanted to be completly sure that Sam is alright."

Lies, lies, lies. Castiel felt a bit bad for lying to Dean. It made him worry, angels usually don't lie.

"Thank you Cas, that's really important for me and I never thought you would do this."

Dean smiled gratefully and walked back into the living room to sit down on the Sofa.

"Back to work then?", Dean asked Cas who was still Standing in the kitchen door.

Dean was nearly as twice as relaxed as last time, now that he knew that he was safe with Cas. He still didn't really trust him, but Cas was nice and he started to like him.

Castiel nodded and walked over to Dean, who had already laid down. Dean closed his eyes while Cas sat down next to him. Dean didn't even notice Cas' fingertips that touched his forehead.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey there! Sorry for not posting in a long time but I had a lot of things to do, school and stuff. I hope you understand. So enjoy the next few chapters. I hope it's not too cheesy.  
** **P.S.: If you like Destiel you propably like what'll follow ;)**

* * *

Some days went by maybe a week. The recovery went well, sometimes Dean slept a whole day through, sometimes just a few hours a day. Cas did everything he could to get the worst memories deleded first, the ones that were nearly carved into Deans brain. Castiel never left Dean while he was sleeping, always calmed him down when he started to get fitful, but Dean always called for Sam not for him.

The two of them talked a lot when Dean was awake, they got to be friends real fast. But sometimes Dean felt something else when Cas was around, when Cas looked at him. And then there was this Feeling he got when Cas went to earth to look after Sammy for him, it was like something was missing.

Castiel had that Feeling too and he felt bad for lying to Dean about what Sam was doing. He knew about everything that was going on with Ruby and the blood but if he told Dean, he would totally Freak out. So he kept on lying and pretended everything was okay. Cas wondered about himself a lot those days. He had Feelings and he didn't know ifthat was good or bad. He always cared more more than the other angels, but those Feelings weren't just careing. And that made Castiel worry.

* * *

On the 14th day Dean spent with Cas the two of them were Standing in the kitchen. Cas had to be looking at something behind or at least near Dean, so Dean thought but

Cas was actually looking at him.

He saw Dean every day now but today he seemed to be especially fascinated by Deans appearance. It was like he never noticed how green Deans eyes were. Completly

detracted by Deans eyes, he didn't notice that Dean had figured out what Cas was looking at. Dean felt how his cheeks started to get warm and slightly cleared his throat. Cas who was dragged back to reality was a bit confused.

"Did you say something?", he asked still not really back yet.

Dean shook his head and remained quiet. To divert from the fact that he stared at Dean all the time Cas changed the subject.

"I should go and watch after Sam for a while. You sure want to know how he is...", Castiel said while Walking over to the living room.

"Wait Cas."

Dean followed him as fast as possible. Somehow he didn't want Cas to leave, eventhough it was the only way to get News from Sam. Dean was awake for half a hour now and had already talked to Cas for a while but he felt like this wasn't enough.

"You okay Dean?", Cas asked as Dean caught up with him.

"Yeah ... I mean no ... I... I don't know."

"Dean I'll look after Sam if you want me to. Just tell me what to do."

Dean bit his lip.

"Could you stay ... ? Just for a while. I mean I'm pretty sure Sammy's fine so uhm... You don't have other stuff to do, do you?"

Castiel didn't expect to hear that. Of Course he wanted to stay, he would even stay if he had something else to do.

Castiel simply nodded and sat down onto the Sofa. He tried to act normal because he didn't want Dean to see how happy he was that Dean hadn't send him away.

Dean was happy too because Cas Chose to stay, he even failed trying not to smile. He sat down next to Cas and thought about something to talk about.

"So uhm... where are you going when I'm sleeping?", Dean asked after a while of thinking.

"I'm staying where I am."

Dean was surprised. He never thought Cas would wait by his side while he was sleeping. Dean would never admit it but he was more than happy about that.

"So you're never leaving my side? Isn't that kinda boring?"

Cas didn't know how to respond to that. Actually he knew what he could say but he surely wouldn't tell Dean that he liked being around him eventhough he was sleeping or that he didn't want Dean to have nightmares because they'd mean pain for him. Again he started to wonder about himself and the Feelings he had towards Dean.

"No actually it's not that boring... I just uhm want to be sure I make it to delete the memories until the month is over."

Dean expected to her something like _I don't want to get hurt_ or _I'm just worried._ But why was he so disapointed about the fact that everything Cas cared about were those god damned memories?

 _Calm down Dean you're totally nuts if you think he'd care about you! He even already told you that you're worthless! Now cut it off you idiot!_

Dean felt Cas' eyes on him but he kept looking on the Floor.

Castiel realized that something was wrong with Dean but he didn't dare to say something. To end this strange kind of silence Castiel stood up and walked into the kitchen again.

"You want something?", he asked and looked back at Dean.

"Uhm yeah why not, but I thought angels don't have to eat?"

"They don't have to but I thought you might want to eat something. Cherry or applepie?", Castiel said as he opened the fridge.

"How did you know that I'd want pie? And applepie by the way."

Castiel chuckled a little and took out a piece of applepie.

"Dean you eat pie like all the time and it's always either apple or cherrypie."

Now Dean was the one who chuckled.

"What's so funny?", Castiel asked with a huge smile on his face and handed the pie over to Dean. He was happy that he made it to cheer Dean up.

"It's just... My brother knows me for like... as long as I can remember and he still get's me cake instead of pie because he thinks it's all the same. And then theres this angel I know for like two weeks wich I have 90 percently slept through and he even knows my favorite flavours.", Dean said with a crocked smile.

Castiel smiled back at him and they ended up staring at eachother again. Dean felt a strange prickling in his stomach as he looked at Cas' smile and the Little crinkles around his eyes it caused. Now he couldn't even deny that he liked the angel, more than he propably should.

* * *

They talked a lot on this day. They were both a bit frustrated when it was time for Dean to sleep. But when Cas guarded Deans sleep that night, something changed.

It was about 12:15 pm when Dean started to get nightmares again. At first Cas didn't even notice it but then Dean called for help.

"Cas?!"

The angel was shocked. He looked down at Dean immediatly.

"Cas help me! Please Cas! Where are you?!"

On Deans face Castiel saw all the of the fear and pain the memories brought with them. But Castiel smiled. Dean called out for him, only for him.

"I'm here Dean."

He put two fingers on Deans forehead to take away the upcoming memories.

The rest of the night Castiel thought about Dean calling for him. Not for Sam as usual or Bobby like he sometimes did. This fact made Castiels heart beat a Little faster.

* * *

The first Thing Dean noticed when he opened up his eyes was that Cas wasn't there. His place next to Dean on the edge of the Sofa was empty and that made Dean feel strange. It was this Feeling from missing something he already knew. This time it felt even worse then the last time.

He sat up and looked around.

"Cas?", he asked and waited for an answer that didn't come.

When he looked around again he noticed the Piece of pie Standing on the Little table next to the Couch.

There was a small sticky note on the plate. Dean had already grabbed it the second he saw it.

 _Dear Dean_

 _Since I saw you slept well I decided to watch after Sam for a while because I know how much this means to you._

 _When you're reading this, you didn't sleep as long as I thought. I hoped to be back when you wake up but if I'm not:_

 _I'm fine don't worry about me and ennjoy your pie._

 _Sincerely your Castiel_

 _P.S.: It's applepie hope you like it_

Dean stared at the little note in his hands for some more seconds.

 _His handwriting is cute ... Just like him_ , Dean thought. But the second he thought that he already shook his head.

"Don't think such stupid Things Winchester! He's a GUY understood? You like GIRLS. He's just... a friend... he knows you well and you like him... That's totally okay!", he said to himself as he grabbed the plate. The pie was delicious as always but one thing was missing and if he liked it or not, Dean knew this thing was Cas.

Cas stayed gone for another hour and a half. It didn't matter how much Dean drank or ate to distract himself from missing Cas it got worse every second Cas stayed gone. Eventhough Cas said that there was no need to worry, Dean feared that something could have happened to Cas. He was Walking up and down in the living room when Cas finally showed up.

"Hello Dean.", he said the second he apeared.

"Where the hell where you?!", Dean asked in a harsh voice.

Cas was confused. Why would Dean be angry with him? He didn't do anything wrong.

"Did you ever, I mean EVER just thought about that I might worry about you?! God damn I missed you Cas!"

The last Thing was one of the Things that were never meant to leave Deans mind, but in all of his anger it just rushed through Deans Blockade. As he realized what he had said he felt how his cheeks got warm. He looked down to the floor and bit his lip.

"I missed you too Dean.", Castiel admitted quietly.

"If you did why were you gone that long?"

Castiel didn't quite understand why Dean was so upset. He left a note and was only gone for about two hours. Cas even said that he missed him too, didn't Dean care about that?

"Dean I thought you might want to know how Sam is doing. I wanted to be with you when you're awake so I went when you were asleep."

Deans heart skipped a beat when Castiel talked.

"Could you do me a favor Cas?", Dean asked completly calm again.

"Just tell me what to do.", Cas said and looked directly into Deans eyes.

Dean looked up from the Floor, his cheeks still a bit red, and stared right back into Cas' deep blue eyes.

"Don't you ever leave me again Castiel. Would you do this for me?"

Castiel smiled a little and nodded.

Dean walked over to him and pulled him into a hug.

For a second Cas closed his eyes and smiled.

"Dean", Castiel whispered after a while "My personal space."

Dean chuckled and took a step back.

"My apologies"


	6. Chapter 6

As another week and a few days went by Cas wasn't the only one wondering about himself anymore. Dean has always been someone who was able to controle his Feelings, hide them, override them. The only Person who knew how emotional he could be was Sam. Dean got even more confused when he realized how often he thought of how stunning Cas looked. And everytime he told himself to stop thinking about Cas like that, Cas did something extremely likeable or adorable so that Dean was right back at the Point he started from. It was so strange to find Cas atractive, not just because Dean usually dates Girls. When he was in a bar and saw an atractive Girl he felt nothing Special, just a dull Feeling in his stomach. And then there was this Feeling he got when he woke up and saw Cas sitting there, a plate with pie in his hands, his ocean blue eyes stareing right back into Dean's eyes. It was this strong tingle in his stomache that automaticly put a smile on his face. He wasn't sure how to think of this but he felt good in the Moment so there was no need to do something about it.  
Cas on the other Hand was a bit scared of the feelings he had sometimes. Before he met Dean there were no such things in his life. Sometimes he looked at Dean and had this burning Need to be near him, he didn't knew that Dean had this feeling too.  
It just felt sort of natural after a while to spent all of the time together. Neither of them realized that the month was nearly over.

* * *

One day Dean woke up after a few hours of sleeping. Cas' place next to him was empty and Dean missed the cute lil' smile Cas always welcomed him with, he was already about to worry when he heared that someone opened the fridge. A mischevous grin started to grow on Deans face.  
Dean often made fun of how easy Cas got scared. Sometimes he just sneaked up from behind and started screaming, Cas usually started screaming too, one time he even dropped the plate he was holding when Dean scared him.  
This time Dean got up as quiet as possible and saw that Cas was getting a piece of pie out of the fridge at the moment. Dean sneaked over, he was Standing right behind the angel when Cas suddenly turned around.  
With a little squeaky noise Cas tumbled a bit backwards and kinda slipped, but Dean caught him before he hit the ground.

"I'm sorry I just wanted to ... uhm scare you a little...", Dean said quietly. He couldn't catch a clear thought with Cas just inches away from him.

Cas wasn't able to say something, he felt his heart beat against his chest as if it wanted to break right through his ribs. Their eyes met and the room around them seemed to completely disapear. Only seconds later Dean couldn't stand it anymore. He slightly leaned forward until their lips finally touched and the little gap between them was closed. Castiel closed his eyes and focused on all of the feelings the small but intense pressure on his lips caused. He couldn't describe it, it was just so overwhelming. He felt actually alive.

* * *

"He's going to make it.", Raphael grumbeled. He wasn't pleased about the fact that the recovery did that well.

"And thats not even our biggest Problem. An angel fell in love with a human, Michael. We have to intervene. Now."

Michael just laughed at his brother, but Raphael didn't see what was as that funny. Their situation was not as good as Raphael expectet.

"Why didn't you let me handle this? Now that Castiel is going to fix the Soul in time we have to Keep our promise."

"As usual you don't understand. I never wanted to let Castiel fail his challenge. This wont be the last Chance to start the endgame, but I want Castiel to suffer. He disobeyed and is going to pay for that now. Don't worry everything is just like I've planned it, have faith brother."

* * *

Castiel sat next to Dean, they both were completely quiet.

"What uhm... what are we supposed to do now?", Castiel asked quietly, while Dean was still trying to put himself together.

"I don't know Cas I don't know why I did this... I'm not supposed to feel like that. I never felt like that...", Dean said, his eyes pinned to the Floor.

"I never had this kind of feelings. But..." Castiel slightly looked at Dean, "I ... I think I like them."

Dean smiled a little.

"Could you make me sleep...? Just for a while."

Cas simply nodded and put two fingers on Deans forehead, as he always did.

Castiel looked at the sleeping Soul, there was this warmth in his heart again. The last few weeks had been confusing but they were some of the best days in his whole life. As he looked at the sleeping Dean he decided to not longer deny the feelings. Probaply it was not a good idea but he felt happy and didn't want it to stop.

* * *

A few hours later Dean started to get fitful again. Cas was still surprised when Dean called for him. He looked down on the shivering Soul. Castiel slightly bit his lip before he leaned foreward to place a little kiss on Deans cheak.

"Everything is fine Dean. I'll never leave your side, like I promised."

The second he said that, Dean calmed down immediatly. Cas smiled and got up to get Deans breakfast pie.

It was maybe one or two hours later when he heard Deans voice.

"Mornin' Cas"

Castiel grabbed the plate with pie and turned to Dean.

"Good morning Dean.", he said with a little smile playing around his lips.

Dean smiled sleepy and closed his eyes again as he was sure that Cas was there.

"Aren't you hungry Dean? You slept for about eight hours."

Dean shook his head.

"I have a question first..."

Cas was confused and tilt his head a little like he often did those days.

"How many days are left? When are they going to take me away?", Dean asked and opened his eyes again.

Castiel looked down to the floor.

"Cas?", Dean asked as the angel didn't answer.

"Tomorrow", Castiel sighed.

Dean sat up.

"This is a joke right?"

Castiel noticed that Dean was about to Panic. He knew how Dean looked like when he was about to Panic. His green eyes widened, he started shaking and if it was really bad he bit his lip. Like this time.

"The last memories aren't as that heavy I can hold them back with a wall. Everything is going to be fine.", Castiel said quickly to calm him down. But it seemed like Dean didn't seem to care.

"I'm not afraid of the memories... I ... don't want to leave you Cas..."

"Dean I promised you to never leave you, remember? And even if I hadn't promise it, I'd be there too", Castiel said in a calm voice.

Dean felt like tearing up there were no words to discribe how happy he was to hear that.

"I still can't believe it.", Dean said after a while of silence "I'll see Sammy again. You'll like him."

Dean was now smiling. He was so happy to know Cas would still be with him when he was back. Castiel on the other Hand was happy to see Dean smiling.

"Do you want your pie now?"

Dean burst out laughing.

"Hell yeah!"

* * *

The rest of the day went by like any other day in heaven. Dean ate some pie and the two of them talked, mostly about Sam and the rest of Deans friends and Family. It was already late when Dean sat onto the Sofa to take the final nap.

"Guess it's time to say goodbye, just in case I don't get to see you anymore tomorrow.", Dean said and looked at Cas who sat down right next to him. Cas nodded.

"Dean, I just want you to know that... uhm the Things I said back then, that you are worthless and I wouldn't do this for you...", Cas took a deep breath. The Things he was about to say weren't that easy to say.

"I meant that like I said. But saying this is... it's one of the Things I regret the most in my whole life and trust me when I say that I've lived Long enough to know what regret is."

Dean looked right into Cas eyes. He knew that Cas wasn't lying, he never lied to him. At least that was what he thought.

"I do this for you Dean. All of it."

Those words made Deans heart skip a beat. Dean decided to tell Cas how he felt. It was most likely the last time the two of them would be alone so he thought it was a good idea. It was most likely his last Chance to say it.

"Cas, theres something I wanted to tell you... It's not easy for me to tell you that because I never told this someone before. It's because you are Special to me. At first I was confused about this, denied it, tried to push it away, but I put myself together and decided to tell you about it..."

Cas didn't understand a word of what Dean was saying. It confused him for another time.

Dean took a deep breath and looked into Cas' beautiful blue eyes.

"I think I love you Cas..."


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Hey there again guys! First of all: I want to thank everyone who's following my story. It' really incouraging me that some people are actually reading what I'm writing.  
** **Second think I want to tell you: I'll try to post regular from now. Propably every Weekend at least one (if I'm good maybe two) chapters. And since I'm pretty motivated in writing something, I thought about writing another fanfiction parallel to this one.  
** **Please review what you think and please excuse my english wich is propably awful :)  
** **I hope you enjoy this chapter (and also hope you don't hate me after this like my best friend did XD)  
If anything confuses you just ask me and I'll explain because I think this chapter is going to be pretty confusing :)**

* * *

Deans words hit Cas like a truck. That was the last thing he expected to hear, but there was this tingly feeling building up in his chest, running through his veins, trying to fill his whole being with joy. The happiness took his breath away and stopped every atempt to reply anything, but he felt how the tingle reached his lips and put a huge smile of joy onto them. His smile even topped the lucid blush that took it's place on Cas' cheeks.

The smile Cas gave him made Deans sparkling green eyes light up even more. The angel looked more than just beautiful, from the messy black hair to the shiny blue eyes that were crinkled in a smile. Dean started to smile too, completly amazed by the angels beauty. He quickly looked away as he realized that he was staring and slightly flushed.

"I love you too Dean", the angel whispered as he found his voice again.

"I know that I'm not supposed to love you and that this might be wrong but I don't care, not anymore."

The humans heart skipped a beat. Cas loved him, an angel loved _him_. A human, a hunter. He didn't deserve this.

When he looked at Cas again his green eyes flashed a little. There was a little period of silence before Cas leaned in to gently kiss him. Neither of them would ever know how to describe the feelings they got when they kissed. Dean ran his fingers through the other mans hair and whispered _I love you_ against Cas' lips. Suddenly there was something that brushed Deans cheek and ran down the angels face. Was that a tear? Before he could even think about it he was sent to deep sleep. Cas watched the human Soul sinking into the pillow on the couch.

"I love you too..." _And thats why I want this to be your last Memory of me_...

Castiel knew Raphael wouldn't let him get away with this, so there was no chance that he survived the next day. He knew that Dean wouldn't understand why Castiel wasn't with him, when he woke up in his body. He promised Dean to stay with him and hated to break his promise, he would love to stay... god he didn't want to die. There was just no way to survive Raphael and Michaels punishment, and it was all his own fault. He looked at Dean again, another tear finding it's way down his cheek. There was no way he'd see those green eyes sparkling again, no chance to see the soft smile of his again and it broke Castiels heart.

He loved Dean Winchester with everything he was, and even though he was going to die, this one month was worth everything that would come.

* * *

The angel was standing next to the window in the living room, his arms crossed in front of his chest, leaning against the wall. It had been a few hours since he had built up the wall in Deans head that was supposed to hold back the memories, when he heard Raphael calling out to him. That was it, the last minutes of his life. He walked over to Dean placing a little kiss on one of his freckled cheeks.

"I love you Dean, please always remember that...", with those words the angel left, leaving behind the sleeping soul.

Seconds later Castiel entered the rose garden, Raphael told him to go to, but he was nearly alone. Only one other angel was standing in front of him, not Raphael. It took him a few seconds to realize what was going on. His ocean blue eyes widened stareing at the angel in front of him.

"I see you finally realized it.", the other angel said with a mean smile on his face. "You're getting slow Castiel."

Cas didn't care what the angel said, he was literally already gone. There was only one thing he could think of in this moment, _Dean._

But he was already to late. When he arrived back in Deans heaven the only one in sight was Raphael, he sat in the armchair and mischievously smiled at Castiel.

"Where is Dean?", he asked, all of his panic and despair reflecting in his voice.

"You mean Dean Winchester? The lil' soul friend of yours?"

"I swear if you did anything to him-", Castiel started but Raphael cut off his word.

"I did nothing, I handed him over to my best men to fill him back in his Body."

The angel already let out a relieved sigh, when the archangel suddenly started talking again:

"BUT have I ever told you how fragile a humans soul actually is?", he said in a happy sing-song voice. Castiels eyes immediatly widened in shock.

"Anything could happen IF someone made a mistake.", the archangel continued, checking his nails, pretending that nothing was wrong.

"I ask again: WHAT DID YOU DO?!", the angels usually calm, deep voice pitched a little. It took him everything not to yell or grab Raphael by his collar.

The archangel flicked his tongue. "Mhm guess I broke your precious lil' wall."

Castiel gasped, wich made Raphael laugh for a reason the other angel didn't get.

"Hey! You said it yourself, 'This memories aren't that heavy'", Raphael mocked Castiels voice. "You have to admit that whole 'I want to protect you from harm' thing is a little cheesy, don't you think?"

Cas felt like his whole chest had suddenly caught aflame. He was on the verge of crying, wich only made Raphaels smile grow bigger.

"You really thought we'd let you come you away with this? It was planned. Michael knew you would like the Winchester boy, but who would've thought you would actually fall in love?! That was more than just luck. You know, losing a friend is hard and it's not easy to recover after something like this, but losing someone you truly love, destroys you. So we took loverboys memories. He wont even remember that you exist. And theres _nothing_ you can do."

Castiel felt the tears streaming down his face, he felt his knees bent, but he wasn't able to do anything about it. The spot where his heart used to be felt empty and cold.

"Why didn't you just kill me?", he whispered.

Raphael got up from the armchair. "Believe me I would've been pleased to do it but my brother came up with this fantastic plan. Why end it quickly, if we could make you suffer? You actually deserve this, you disobeyed and this is your payback."

The archangel walked past Castiel who was still kneeling on the floor, his face covered in tears.

"I'll get Deans memories back, I'll talk to him. He has to remember me!"

"Have fun with that! You would have to be an archangel to manage that! And hell knows you're not ever going to be one.", Raphael laughed.

"I'll kill you", Castiel hissed through his teeth. His despair had quickly turned into rage.

"I don't think so."

Two other angels appeared. They grabbed Cas' shoulders and pulled him onto his feet, even though the other angel tried to free himself.

"Where are you going to take me?!", he nearly yelled as he asked this, still trying to get rid of the angels that were Holding him back.

"You? No you're not going anywhere, but your vessel is!"

Before the meaning of those words could spread in Castiels brain, Raphael already stuck his hand into the angels chest. His eyes widened in shock and his face curled up in pain. His screaming was bloodcurdling, wich seemed to amuse the archangel in a gross way.

As the angel finally hit the ground, Raphael told the others to take the vessel away. The pure body of light curled up on the floor, if angels could cry without their vessels Castiel would propably burst into tears. He never felt any worse in millions of years.

"If you want to talk to your friend, just go for it. He wont understand a word you say."

Raphael turned away ready to leave, when he heard Castiel say something:

"... kill me ... please"

His voice was quiet for an angels real voice, it was just a whisper. Raphael heard the despair, he heard how tired and hurt Castiel was. It meant that he did his Job damn well.

"Don't think I wouldn't do it.", the archangel said and turned his head to look at the angel that was still laying on the floor. "I would, but seeing you suffer like that, is an even bigger pleasure than just sticking an angelblade into your chest and watch you die."

With those words Raphael left. Castiel was now allone.

* * *

Castiel went to the garden where everything started. The angel grew onto his real size, without a vessel or walls that could contract him. At first he was just quiet, tering up inside, but after a hour or maybe two he started screaming Deans name. He failed him, he failed the only person he never wanted to fail. He promised to stay with him, he wanted to protect him. Now he wasn't able to do any of this.

He failed...

* * *

 **A/N: So again I hope you don't hate me. The next chapters are going to have some parallels with season four but are not going to be 'canon'. So don't be mad at me when the dialogues are not completly the same as in the Show :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hey there guys! Here's the new chapter, feel free to comment what you think :)**

* * *

Dean opened his eyes. He was covered in darkness. Immediatly there was this pain and a few shattered memories, wich he tried to push away. He felt that he laid on some kind of plank or something in that way. It took him a little time to take out his lighter, but when he lit it, he saw that he was trapped in a box... or a casket? He pulled and punched against the planks until they yielded.  
When Dean had finally made his way through the earth he found himself surrounded by dead trees. Every single bone in his body hurt, but there was one Point that felt even worse than the rest. It was his shoulder.

He started to walk away from the place where he had been burried. He felt like something was wrong, but he had no idea what it could've been. He was tired when he walked down the street but then he thought of Sam and the fact that he was going to be with his brother again.

After about a hour of walking he reached a gas station, that looked like it was already closed. He sighed, relieved to have a little rest after the long walk.

He packed together a few things after he had drunk almost two bottles of water and had eaten a few chocolate bars. When he felt this hurting in his shoulder again he decided to take a look at it. He placed himself infront of the mirror and cropped his shirt a little. As he saw the handprint on his shoulder he gasped a little.

"What the...?", Dean whispered as he frowned a little. The handprint was litterally burned into Deans flesh. He raised his finger and just slightly touched it. It was like a bolt running through his veins. Suddenly there was this thing in his mind. A Flash of blue. This colour seemed so familiar, but it was all blurry and he didn't knew where to put it. He pulled his shirt down again, heavily breathing. He shook his head and walked back over to the bag he had found.

Cas watched everything. He just wished that he could do something to help him, or be with him. At least talk to him. He couldn't watch anymore.

Dean was already about to leave when the small television in the Corner suddenly flipped and the Radio started to go crazy. Deans reflexes told him to grab the salt, but the loud noise that followed only seconds later took him down onto his knees. The noise got louder with every second, the windows burst into pieces and Dean started screaming as the pain it caused got worse.  
The thing Dean didn't know was that it wasn't just _any_ noise. It was Castiel trying to get through to him. The angel screamed at him, hoping he would understand him. One word, one wourd would be enough.

"Dean! I'm here Dean, I'm here! I didn't leave you... I love you! Please ! Listen to me"

But Dean didn't hear him, so he gave up. Again trying to cry, but desperatly failing without his vessel.

Dean tried to reach Sam and Bobby after this 'incident'. He was just confused and tired. Everything he remembered was that he died and than some scrappy memories about hell. There was this huge gap in his mind, something he didn't remember.

Dean only managed to reach Bobby, and he didn't even believe him. To be honest, Bobby told him that if he dared to call again he'd kill him. Dean sighed and looked at the old, crappy car parking near the phone cell. This was going to be a long day.

* * *

Cas felt terrible, he watched and watched. He had never wanted to die but now he just wanted it to be over. He watched Dean driving over to Bobby's when he felt that an angel entered the garden.

"Castiel"

"Leave me alone Uriel."

He just wanted to be alone, if any angel came near him he had no guarantee that it would end well.

"Listen to me, you may have stopped the apocalypse but Lilith is still out there, she'll try again.", the other angel said, "And theres another Problem."

Uriel stayed away from him as far as possible. The news about him had spread all over heaven, everyone knew it. So he knew that he would better stay away from him, because he knew that when Castiel was in a bad mood he could be, well call it unfriendly.

"What Problem?", Castiel asked his friend, his eyes still focused at Dean who had just convinced Bobby that he was not a demon or a shape shifter.

"Anna"

One word. A name, that was everything it took to get Castiels attention.

"You found her?!"

"She is listening ... again."

"Since when?", Castiel sighed.

"Since you saved that Winchester boy."

"Dean"

Uriel tilt his head a little. "What?"

"His name is Dean, not 'Winchester boy'"

Uriel took a deep breath and looked at the angel to his left.

"What do you want from me Uriel?", Castiel asked after a while of silence. "Why do you tell me all of this?"

"I need every angel of our garrison I can get. And you're one of our best warriors."

"If you'd like to remember, they took my vessel. I'm useless were you want to go."

"And that's why I'm going to talk to Michael. I'll try to convince him to set your vessel free."

Cas looked down at the other angel.

"Thank you. You've always been a good friend to me."

Uriel nodded.

"Just promise me one thing.", he said looking at his friend Castiel. "Stay away from Dean, if you get your vessel back. It'll only cause you more pain."

"I can't, you know that. I couldn't stay away from him if I'd go to earth...", his voice was breaking again. Uriel felt sorry for him, he wanted to say something when an Idea crossed his mind.

"What if you don't have to? What if I take your memories too? There would be no pain, you'd be happy again."

Uriel thought it was a good idea. He couldn't just stand there, watching how his feelings destroyed Castiel. With the memories the pain would go away too."

"Uriel..."

"I know they wouldn't be pleased with it but I can't let you suffer."

"That's not it... " , the other angel sighed "I don't want it to stop."

"The pain?", Uriel asked uncomprehending.

"The feelings."

Uriel shook his head. "Why?", to him all of this seemed like madness and it was, it really was. There had always been a reason for them to not have feelings. And _that_ was the reason.

"Because feelings are good. You may not see that, but I do. The pain may be unbearable, but the love is worth it..."

Uriel didn't know how to respond to that so he just told Cas that he was going to leave to talk to Michael about his vessel.

* * *

Castiel was alone again, watching Dean and Bobby tracking Sam. 'At least he's got his family again...', he thought relieving a sound compareable with a sob.

His heart was breaking again and again...


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Hey guys! Thw n** **ew chapter is maybe a little boring, but I hope you like it anyway** **! :)**

* * *

Dean was extremely excited when he was walking next to Booby towards the motel room Sam had rented. Dean was still confused, why was he even there? How did he make it out of hell? Bloody hell he was supposed to be dead! Plus: he was really tired. He thought about Sammy to keep himself from falling asleep instantly. And it worked, the fact that he'd see his brother again in a minute or two made him feel awake.  
He took a deep breath when he finally stood in front of the door and looked at Bobby who slightly nodded, showing him to knock. Dean didn't think twice and knocked. It took only a few seconds until someone opened the door. But this someone was not his brother, it was a woman, quite small, dark haired and barely dressed. Dean gasped a little. _Guess thats not Sammy._

"So where is it?", the woman asked, breaking the awkward silence.

"Wheres what?"

"The pizza? The one that took two guys to deliver?"

Dean sighed and shared another look with Bobby.

"Maybe it's the wrong-"

Deans word was cut off when someone came round the Corner, this time it was no other than Sam. Deans face lit up immediatly and a smile grew on his face that would make the heart of every single girl melt.

"Hey Sammy", he said quietly. He still couldn't believe that he got to be with his family again, with Sam.

* * *

It took a while to convince Sam that he was real, that he was not a demon or a shape shifter, but in the end he was more than just happy to have his brother back. He didn't even care how Dean made it to come back, there was just nothing to describe how happy he was. He had tried to get Dean back for months, and now his brother was finally with him again.

"So what did it cost?", Dean asked looking serious again.

"What? The girl? I don't pay for this.", Sam said and chuckled.

"Not funny Sammy." , Dean growled. "Did you really think selling your Soul to some stupid son of a bitch would make Things better?!"

Sams smile vanished in less than a second.

"You think I did what?!"

Did Dean really think he was as that stupid? To be honest, Sam tried but no one wanted to make a deal with him.

"Dean, I wish I had done it. You have no idea what it was like for me without you.", Sam muttered.

Dean sighed. He was way to tired for a conversation like that.

"So you didn't get me out... "

"The question is: Who did?", Bobby said from behind. He was leaning against the wall, his arms crossed in front of his chest. The two brothers nodded in unity, even though neither of them had any idea how to find out.

"C'mon boys get your asses in the car, I know someone who might be able to help us."

* * *

This someone turned out to be Pamela, a surprisingly good looking medium, how Dean thought. She offered them to do a seance to find the mysterious someone who rescued Dean from hell.  
So there they were, sitting in a chair circle, around a table on wich they had placed candles and a lot of other stuff, holding hands like idiots. Pamela had put her hand on the handprint shaped mark on Deans shoulder and was now mumbling something, Dean didn't really listen to. He saw that colour again. The mixture of blue that appeared everytime when someone touched the mark. After a while Pamela frowned a little.

"Castiel?"

Deans heart stopped for maybe one or two seconds. This name... Castiel. It was like he knew this name, it was so familiar. He felt a little twinge in his heart, it was like he was meant to be somewhere else. Something was missing and the urge to have it was too strong to ignore it.

"Castiel you can't scare me!", Pamela said dragging Dean out of his thoughts.

"What's happening?", Dean asked , looking at Pamela. He was worried, because the TV and the radio had gone wild again.

"He's trying to warn me.", she answered Dean but then talked to 'Castiel' again. "I'm _not_ afraid Castiel! _Show yourself_!"

Now even the lights started to go crazy.

"I think we should stop-"

"No I've almost got him!"

And than it happened. Dean couldn't really describe it, it happened too fast.

The lights, the Television, the radio and even the candles had gone wild. He heared Pamela scream, but he quickly closed his eyes because of the light that was suddenly everywhere.

The light disappeared only seconds later and Pamela fell to the ground. Her eyes where burned out of their holes.

Dean gasped and quickly sat down next to her, telling Sam to call the ambulance. Pamela was screaming, trying to cry, but instead of tears, blood was running down her cheeks.

"I can't see!", she whispered, all of her pain clustered in her voice. "Why can't I see?!"

Dean put a hand on her shoulder, trying to calm her down.

"Shh...", he whispered and started to stroke her head. "Pamela, stay calm... It's going to be fine."

Dean didn't even believe himself.

"It... it called... your-", she hyperventilated when she tried to tell him something.

"Shhh... calm down. What did this thing say?"

"It called your name..."

Deans eyes widened. What was all of that supposed to mean?

* * *

Castiel felt that something or someone tried to pull him down. Someone commanded him to show himself. Castiel started to panic. Without his vessel he would hurt this person, wether he wanted or not. Castiel tried to fight the urge to show himself, he begged the person to stop. Whoever it was had to be damn powerful.

It took a while to break through Castiels defence, but after all the human was succesful. At first Castiel could only see the face of the woman that had summoned him, but then he even saw her environment. It was just one maybe two seconds, but he saw him. He saw Dean.

His heart ripped into pieces, Dean was so close. There was so much he needed to say, so much he wanted to do.

"Dean", was everything he managed to say. He couldn't take the eyes of the man he loved. The last thing he saw before being sent back to heaven were Deans beautiful green eyes, widened in shock.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Hello again guys! :)**

 **Thanks for your follows, favs and reviews (Special thanks to lilyflowerseverus and tiddo-mus) that was a really good motivation to update asap. But since I'm in the middle of the 'exam season' please be a little patient with me :)  
Also sorry for all of this tradgedy and the feels in the last few chapters, but spoiler alert: it's not getting better anytime soon. I really hate myself for being that mean but I kinda a thing for sad storys...**

 **Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter, always feel free to leave review to let me know if I've crossed a line at some point XD**

* * *

Dean wasn't sleeping well that night. He actually didn't want to sleep, but after they drove back to the motel room after this whole thing with Pamela and then running into a bunch of demons later at a café, Dean _had_ to get some sleep. Just three or four hours would've been enough. But it looked like the nightmares didn't want him to get the rest he needed.

 _It was dark, the hot air was so thick that he could've cut it with a knife. The waves of pain rolled over him made him scream over and over again. They had skinned him, the burning that ran through him everytime a little breeze of air brushed his body had put tears in his eyes. Some of them were running down his cheeks leaving behind a burning trail on his bare muscles. Now the demons were trying to cut off one of his arm with a dull butterknife. It hurted like hell but it wasn't the worst part of it all. The worst part was the knife Allistair used to cut through Deans muscles. The pain got worse with every second that passed, so that it didn't even take a minute to make Dean feel like his whole body had caught aflame._

 _It stopped, all of a sudden. A flash of white light appeared before his eyes, pushing away the darkness as the memory tore off. He felt better, even though he still felt the burning deep inside of him._

 _For a second he thought he saw the outlines of a face. Colours shining through the veil of white light. Pale Skin, framed by dark hair and this familiar kind of blue he had already seen before. The picture was blurry and he saw nothing but those three colours but it seemed familiar somehow._

* * *

He woke up sweating and shaking. The noise that had woken him up was the same noise he heared at the gas-station. He covered his ears, trying to lower the volume while he was rolling up into some Kind of a fetal position. The mirrors on the ceiling started shattering into pieces and fell down to the floor. In a way Dean couldn't explain the shattered glass didn't hit him. The windows bursted and every single electric thing in the room turned on.

The noise disappeared as suddenly as it had come. As fast as he could he got up to grab his phone and call Bobby. It was probably the worst idea of all times and extremely stupid, but he was angry now. He often did stupid things when he was angry.

He was going to summon this son of a bitch.

* * *

This was the second time Castiel tried to talk to Dean, it was the second time he failed. He sank down onto the grass, sobbing in dispair, when he felt how another angel entered the heaven. It was Uriel, _again._

"Castiel, my brother!", Uriels usually calm and monotonous voice sounded awkwardly cheering this day, "Good news for you."

Castiel didn't look up to him, he wanted to be alone.

"What?", the angel asked roghly, his voice a little shaky.

"They agreed! They gave you a second chance!"

"To do what?", Cas whispered hoping that Uriel wouldn't hear the whiny tone in his voice.

"To fight, Castiel! They gave me your vessel, they said you could help us to find Lilith. And kill her."

As Castiel heard that he slightly looked up to Uriel, his eyes widened immediatly. He wasn't able to say anything. Hope was building up in his chest. He saw Uriel Standing beneath him, his right hand had grabbed the collar of a familiar trenchcoat. It was the one his vessel - Jimmy - was wearing. He was unconcious but Uriel held him up to stop him from falling over. Castiel took a deep breath before closing his eyes and started to return into his vessel. When he opened his eyes again he felt better.

"With what do we start?", he asked while getting up.

"Tracking Lilith. She'll probably try to kill Dean Winchester. She still didn't get that her plan failed."

Castiel grinted his teeth. She wont lay a hand on Dean, nobody would ever come far enough to kill Dean. He'd make that sure.

Uriel put a hand on Castiels shoulder, to try and calm him down. Castiel gave him a half smile but before one of them say or do something, Castiel fell to his knees. They summoned him, _again._ But this time he had no reason to hesitate.

* * *

Dean sat on the table in the middle of the barn they had prepared to summon this demon. He sighed as he looked over to Bobby.

"You sure you did it right?"

Bobby raised an eyebrow and gave him a scolding glare.

"Just asking", Dean muttered, looking at the demon knife in his hands.

He heared thunder, the wind was shaking the thin walls. It was a storm that had appeared all of a sudden. Dean jumped down to the Floor, grabbing his shotgun.

The doors flew open and Castiel started to walk in. He looked around, the walls covered in Symbols, devils traps, literally everything that stops the _evil_ from getting inside. Then his eyes caught sight of Dean. Their gazes met but it didn't feel the same. His eyes were cold, glareing at Castiel in confusion and anger. He looked like when they first met. Afraid and distrusting. It made Castiels heart break. Dean seemed like a stranger to him, his expression was stone hard, the lovely smile that had usually appeared when he saw Cas had now vanished.

Dean on the other hand was confused. His heart had skipped a beat when the stranger had walked in. His face fitted perfectly into the shape of the blurred outlines he had seen in his dreams. He felt that twinge again wich confused him even more. Trying to hide all those feelings he had put on his poker face, like he often did.

As the stranger passed the devilstraps without hesitating, Bobby started shooting. Dean wasn't sure about what to do. There were two voices in his head. One of them telling him to shoot already, the other one trying to convince Dean not to hurt the strange man - for some unknown reason. The first voice won, even though Dean felt strange as he started to shoot the man. But, whoever he was, just walked on, not taking his eyes off of him. As the man finally stood infront of him Dean got really nervous.

"Who are you?"

That was it. The Moment Castiels heart fell apart completely. They had stolen Deans memories but Castiel always hoped he would at last remember anything, even if it was something totally stupid. But that was the final proof, none of his memories were left.

Castiel decided to stay emotionless about that, at last on the outside.

"I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition.", Castiel said camly trying to keep his voice free from every emotion.

"Yeah, thanks for that!", Dean replied, quickly sticking the demon knife into the strangers chest.

That hurted. Not because of the knife in his chest, but because of the one who had put it there. Castiel wanted to grab Dean by his shoulders and shake him until he remembered. He wanted to cry and be weak for once. The man that had told him that he loved him just a few days ago had just stabbed him with a god damned demon knife. But no one would know what he was thinking about, his face was completly calm, almost graceful. He looked down onto the knife sticking in his chest, pulling it out without hesitating.

In the egde of his eyes Castiel saw how Bobby started to run towards him, attempting to attack him , but Castiel was faster and quickly put two fingers onto his forehead. He fell onto the Floor, unconcious.

His eyes were still fixed on Dean, watching how his mask dropped. Castiel saw the panic and shock behind Deans big green eyes. That was the thing he never wanted, scare Dean. But before more time could pass Castiel put himself back together.

"We need to talk.", with a quick look at Bobby he added, "alone"

* * *

Castiel was looking through some of the books and files that laid on one of the tables. They had taken notes with them on wich was written how to trap all kinds of demons. They really didn't think of the posability that he wasn't evil or trying to kill them. He would never hurt Dean, but he didn't remember that.

"Who are you?", Dean asked again after he had looked after Bobby who was still lying on the floor. He was just unconcious but he still worried. Who was this guy? Rescueing him from hell, burning out Pamelas eyes and then knocking out Bobby! If Dean wasn't as that terrified he'd punch this guys face until no one would ever recognize him again. But even though he was as that angry ther still was this voice, telling him that he could trust this man. That feeling told him not to be afraid, because whoever he was wouldn't hurt him. But this feeling was hiding in the darkest corner of his mind, and too weak to ever get completely through to him.

"I already told you."

"I mean _what_ are you?!"

The stranger turned to face him again. The lights were literally exploding and Dean heard the thunders from outside again. A pair of wings, casting shadows on the wall.

The stranger raised his voice again.

"I'm an angel of the lord."


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Hey guys! Look who decided to post a second chapter this weekend!**

 **Yeah well so here's another chapter for ya. Also thanks for the reviews tiddo- mus & lilyflowerseverus your reviews were making my day (I kinda like this 'traditional go fuck yourself', motivates me a lot ^^)**

 **This chapter is a little longer than usual and a lot is going to happen. I'm afraid that it might is going on too fast. Always feel free to leave review because I really want to know how u r feeling about this.**

 **Soo I hope you enjoy the chapter! ;)**

* * *

When Dean returned to the motel room, Sam was already awaiting him. He sat on the bed, between shards, the windows were now covered with some pieces of fabric. Sam had put on his 'bitch face' and Dean was definatly not in the mood for this.

" _WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU?!",_ Sam snapped as his brother shut the door closed and walked towards the other bed to sit down himself. Dean didn't answer the question and Sam started to work it out himself.

"So you summoned it?", Sam sighed. Deans eyes narrowed a little. He was confused, terrified and angry and all of that because of this stupid son of a bitch who thought it was funny to just tell him that he was an angel. But for all that feeling there still was this voice in his head that didn't allow Sam to start bitching about this 'Castiel'.

"Apparently _it_ is a _he_.", Dean had no idea why he even defended this idiot. He sank down onto the pillow, stareing at the ceiling, avoiding his brothers gaze.

"Does that even matter? What kind of a demon is this guy anyways?", Sam asked again. Dean rolled his eyes. Sometimes Sam was just so annoyingly curious and Dean was not in the mood for his questions.

"Dean?", he said as his brother didn't answer. With a sigh Dean turned his head to see Sam sitting on the bed next to his, his arms crossed before his chest. He looked still a little bitchy, but his curiosity had now found its way to his expression.

"I don't know it either but this asshole thinks I'm stupid enough to think he's an angel. I don't know how he made it to go through the devilstraps or how he survived Rubys knife but angels don't exist so he can't be serious!"

Sams facial expression dropped and Dean sighed a halfhearted ' _Sam don't'_ before the younger Winchester jumped. He started cheering and Dean had this huge urge to just press his pillow onto his face hard enough to make it stop.

"Sam! Cut it off this is a demon! _Demon!_ Demons lie. There are no such things as angels okay?!"

"But Dean! The traps, the knife, you said it didn't kill him!"

Dean ran his fingers through his hair.

"Okay even IF he's an angel, he's a dickhead okay?! Let's just go on like nothing was wrong, I'll find us a job.", Dean snapped and burried his face in the softness of his pillow.

"An angel saved you! We have to talk about that Dean, we can't just go on like nothing happened. What did he say to you?"

And there it was. Sams annoying ' _Dean we have to talk!'_ , ' _Dean let's talk about our feelings!'_ , ' _Dean don't be such a jerk!'_ attitude.

"Don't be such a jerk!", his brother said as he didn't answer. _Told ya._

"He said that I have to be careful, that the demons are following us and want me back in hell. He said that they'll probably trying to kill and that he's told to watch over me. You happy now?", Dean grumbeled but his voice softened a little as he said: "Please just go to sleep now okay? I planned on leaving tomorrow so we should get a little sleep... both of us..."

Sam nodded, his brother was right. They had to talk about that, but not now. So he laid down too, stareing at the ceiling. A broad smile was lightening up his face before he sank down into deep sleep.

* * *

It was later that night, Dean was awake for hours now. The nightmares had stopped him from getting the rest he needed, but what had woken him up was the white light that had made him feel better as the memories shattered again. He was thinking about the 'angel'. Who was he and why did he seem so familiar? His face, his voice, the way he looked at Dean, it was like he already knew all of this.

Then Dean heard it. The quiet clicking noise of the door being opened, but before he could even look at the demon knife and his shotgun on the nightstand he was pulled up by his collar. He felt how someone held a knife to his throat and when he saw the intruder his eyes narrowed.

"Hello Dean.", the dark haired girl whispered with a maniacal smirk on her face. "Wanted to do that for a long time by now."

Dean tried to free himself but was unable to loosen her grip. She pressed the knife against his throat, he felt how a warm liquid ran down his neck were the pressure of the knife had already cut his skin.

"Ruby...?!", he hissed through grinted teeth when it finally dawned to him.

The smirk on her face got even bigger. "Surprised to see me? Sammy let the door open for me."

Deans eyes widened a little. "What do you mean?"

"Such a shame that I can't tell you without killing you first...", she whispered and pressed the knife to his throat a little tighter. Dean closed his eyes, hoping that it won't hurt as much as the last time. He was silently saying goodbye to Sammy when something changed.

Everything happened so fast. Ruby gasped, a strange light flickering beneath her skin as she fell to the ground. Deans eyes saw how her eyes went dull, loosing every kind of life they had kept before. When his eyes lifted from the dead body on the floor he met Castiels gaze. As he looked into those oceans of blue he tought he saw worry and relief for a second.

Once they had locked eyes none of them could look away anymore. The deep blue of Castiels eyes made the twinge in Deans heart speak up once more. He tried to focus on finding words, he wanted to thank him even though he still thought he was a stupid ass, who was trying to get him to believe in angels, but god damn he saved him twice now. He heared how his brother shifted in his bed, followed by a huge gasp.

Castiel was the one of them to look away first. He threw a look at the younger Winchester for not quite a second before locking eyes with Dean again just to disappear a second later. This time Dean could swear that he saw a sad glimmer darkening the blue.

* * *

Dean looked at the point were the angel had been Standing seconds ago. His brother had jumped out of bed and was now standing besides Dean.

"Ruby?!"

Dean heard the panic in his younger brothers voice and frowned.

"Is- Is she... dead?", Sam stuttered while kneeling down next to the dead body. Dean slightly nodded.

"Castiel... he killed her.", Dean answered as he whiped the blood off of his throat.

"What?!"

Sams voice was a little pitched, Dean noticed Sams sadness and worried. Hadn't Sam told him that he had stayed away from Ruby when he had been dead?

"She held a knife to my throat Sam! She was trying to kill me what was he supposed to do?!", again he was defending Castiel for some reason.

"Shut up! She would _never_ do this!", his brother snapped.

Deans eyebrows lifted and his eyes widened.

"I think I have misheard you, haven't I? She said you opened her the doors or something like that while she held a _fucking_ _knife_ against my throat! Tell me what the hell is going on!", Dean yelled.

"Not now.", Sam murmured while getting up. "We have a body to hide so we haven't got the time to argue about that..."

With those words he started to wrap up the body in one of the thin blankets. His face was pale and Dean could swear that there were tears in the edges of his eyes. Sam was hiding something and Dean wasn't sure if he wanted to know what was going on.

* * *

Nearly a week passed without any incidents. Sam was avoiding this thing during the whole hunting job they were on, but when the case was closed Dean came to speak to him about it. Sam was trapped now. His brother wouldn't give up and he just couldn't keep on lying.

So he told him the truth and watching how Deans green eyes turned cold nearly distroyed him. Sam told him that he was sorry over and over again while Dean just grabbed his keys, put on his old leather jacket and slammed the door shut behind him. He left Sam behind in the motel room all alone, heading over to 'baby' and pulling out of the parking lot.

Damn did he need a drink at that moment.

* * *

Castiel had always feared the moment Dean would find out about Sam and Ruby. He always thought about what he'd do if he found out some day and now Castiel knew it.

Dean was sitting in a bar emptying vodka shots one by one, when Castiel appeared on the bar stool next to him. Dean glared at Castiel with cold green eyes, too drunk to notice the worried glimmer in those orbs of blue.

"Fuck off Castiel.", he mumbled while lifting the cold glass onto his lips again.

Castiel felt his heart crack. He had never seen Dean like this. He tried to keep the control over his feelings, but right there, at this moment it was impossible for him to act like a heartless asshole.

"What happened?", Castiel asked even though he already knew. Dean wondered a little about the concern in the angels voice.

"Why would you care?!", he replied roughly.

"I saved you, Dean. Not only once, _twice_ by now. I think it shows that I care at least a little."

Castiel was lying. He didn't care about him, he loved him. He'd do everything to keep Dean from getting harmed, but he had to keep lying. Dean didn't remember.

"Maybe you shouldn't have saved me in the first place.", Dean murmured and glared at the angel. Castiel saw the anger in Deans expression and body language but in his eyes he saw the sadness.

"Why did you safe me Castiel?"

Castiel bit his lips, not able to find words. He had no plan how to explain Dean the whole thing.

"I- I...", he stuttered, running his fingers through his messy hair.

"See? No reasons to save me. I don't deserve being saved! You know who deserves being saved? Good people! People like... like Jess! Or Mom! Why didn't you safe them?", Dean snapped. Castiel barely heard him add a whispered _I should've stayed dead._

That was enough. Castiel grabbed the collar of Deans jacket and forced Dean to look at him. As their eyes met, Dean winced because of the ice cold Castiel gave him.

"I know that you think that you don't deserve to be saved but surprise: IT'S NOT YOUR CHOICE! And now stop pittying yourself!"

Dean nodded quickly and as Castiel saw that, he let go of him immediatly. Dean swallowed hard but kept the eye-contact. When Castiel had held him up he had felt that twinge again, it had been worse than the last few times because it had been strong enough to break through the thick haze of alcohol that was currently dulling all of his emotions.

"You still didn't really answer my question.", Dean said a little sheepish.

"I saved you because I had no other choice, Dean. They wanted you to break the first seal, that's why they offered you to torture souls. I needed to stop that, because if you did, nothing could have stopped Lilith from breaking the other seals. Her intent is to free Lucifer what would mean that hell rises.", Castiel told Dean with a sigh and looked at his hands, "That would mean that not only humanity but also my family is doomed. I couldn't let that happen."

Dean started to feel bad for being so rude before. Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe not, but he started to think that Castiel wasn't as bad as he thought.

"I- ... I'm sorry Cas", wait did he just?, "-tiel", he quickly added. Even if Castiel was nice it was no reason to give him a nickname already.

"That's just the alcohol Dean...", Castiel said and Dean saw how a halfhearted smile was playing around the angels lips.

"C'mon I'm not as that drunk!", Dean laughed in a slightly better mood now.

"Yes you are.", the angel said while the smile started to grow bigger.

For a moment they just sat in a comfortable silence. Castiel missed it to talk to Dean, even if he didn't remember. It seemed to dull the pain a little.

"I think you should go back to your room and go to sleep Dean. It's really late already.", the angel said as he noticed how hard Dean was trying to keep his eyes open.

"Hm...? Oh ... sleep of Course...", Dean mumbled running his fingers through his hair. He was now trying to get up from the bar stool without falling off of it.

"Uhm but I don't really... do I really have to?", he whined when he was finally standing, waiting for Castiel to get up too.

Castiel just nodded and stepped to Deans side, putting an arm around his shoulder to keep him up.

"I don't want to... I...", Dean bit his lip. He hadn't even told Sam about that.

"Nightmares?", the angel asked. Dean looked at him with big eyes.

"How did you know?"

Castiel felt the heat rushing into his cheeks. He had to look away because if he had looked into Deans questioning eyes any longer, he probably would've told Dean everything.

"I uhm - I ... once had a- ", Castiel stuttered, looking for words while nervously rubbing his neck. " uhm a friend with similar Problems..."

Dean just nodded, not noticing how strange the angel was acting.

* * *

"You're not driving like that Dean.", Castiel said crossing his arms while he was watching Dean who attempted to get in the drivers seat.

"Yeah and I'm not walking home and leaving my Baby behind!", Dean answered and sounded like a little child not wanting to let go of his favorite teddy bear.

"I could teleport you into your room if you want to. You'd only have to come here again to take your car home.", Castiel suggested.

"That's not just a car! That's my Baby and I'm _not_ leaving her behind.", he said crossing his arm in front of his chest as stubborn as he was.

Castiel sighed. "Fine! I'll drive."

Deans eyes widened a little, silently judging the angel.

"Don't take that as an insult but, no. No one drives my Baby except me. And sometimes Sam, but just on special occasions, like, when I'm dead!"

Castiel rolled his eyes, walking over to Dean who was still frowning at him. He opened the backseat door, shoving the Winchester inside the car. Dean just groweled something like: _'stupid angel'_ or _'son of a bitch'_ but then rolled up into a fetal position and snuggled into the soft leather of the backseat.

Castiel fondly smiled at him even if he felt like crying on the inside. The last time he saw Dean like that was in heaven, after he had kissed him one last time. The angel tried to put himself together again and quietly closed the door.

When he climbed onto the drivers seat, Castiel took a deep breath. He had never driven a car before.

 _'Stay calm Castiel, you pulled Dean out of hell! You can pull a car out of the parking lot!'_


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Hola mishamigos! How's it going? I wanted to thank you again for the nice reviews, the follows and favorites.**

 **I'm sorry that all of this is so sad (it's going to be better soon) but I'm gonnna be honest: Sometimes I'm reading over the new chapter like '** _ **nah not sad enough'**_ **. (I really have a thing for sad stories) In this point I'm like satan. But I guess this chapter is a little more decent :)**

 **Well, well I hope you like the new chapter and please don't be mad at me when you're done with the chapter and see what is coming. XD**

* * *

It was a long and silent ride. Well at first. They had been driving for maybe five or ten minutes when Castiel heard Dean shifting in the backseat.

"You sure you hit the right pedal?", the man mumbled. "Are we even moving?"

Deans voice was a little sleepy but Castiel still heard the judging tone in it.

"Yes I'm sure."

Dean sighed. "Angels don't really get sarcasm do they?"

"No", Castiel simply answered sounding completely serious.

"Cas... -tiel", Dean added again, "Would it kill you to drive a little faster?"

"Probably, but it's just _one_ possibility.", was Castiels answer.

Dean sighed as he sat up. They were driving in silence for a few minutes until Dean slightly cleared his throat.

"Castiel?"

"Hm?", the angel hummed in reply. His ocean blue eyes were focused on the road. The Impala was the only car in sight, but Castiel still feared that he could end up in a car crash.

"Thank you.", the Winchester murmured a little sheepish. Castiel quickly turned his head to see a sleepy, little smile, playing around Deans lips. Dean was drunk and probably not even actually awake but he still looked adorable as hell.

"You're drunk Dean.", Castiel said not able to prevent a smile from appearing on his face.

"I allready told you that I'm not as _that_ drunk...", Dean chuckled, "It's just that you saved my life twice now ..."

"But you still don't trust me do you?", Castiel asked, even though he already knew the answer.

"No I don't.", Dean sighed, "But I think that I might like you."

Castiel nodded and acted like it didn't hit him, but it did.

Dean looked at the man that was driving his car. It was funny how safely he was driving, how anxious he was gripping the wheel.

 _'kinda cute...'_ , but before this thought could least a second Dean shook his head, ' _that's the alcohol... just the alcohol...'_

With a sigh Dean sank back onto the backseat.

"Wake me up when we're at the hotel, 'k?", he mumbled.

* * *

Waking up Dean Winchester sounded easier than it actually was. Castiel was trying to wake him up for five minutes already. He had shaken him equal times while telling him to wake up all along. With a sigh the angel decided to just drag Dean out of his car. It would be no problem because humans weren't heavy. So he thought. It turned out that Dean was way more heavy than he looked. Not that he was to heavy for Castiel to carry, it was just that he wondered a little. He pulled Dean out of the backseat by holding his wrists.

Then Dean was finally out of the car he was still asleep.

"Damn it... how can he even have such a deep sleep?", the angel mumbled, but that second he noticed the look on Deans face. He looked like he was in extreme pain. So they had really broken the wall... Dean had to be trapped in nightmares whenever he was sleeping. Castiel gently put two fingers on his forehead and watched how the frown on Deans face turned into a peaceful smile. Castiel could swear that he even heard how Dean let out a sigh of relief.

There was still one thing Castiel had to take of: Getting Dean Winchester into that motel room.

In the end he decided to just carry him inside. So after he had locked the Impala he lifted Dean and carried him inside of his arms, Deans head slightly leaning against his shoulder.

* * *

Sam was laying on his bed, stareing at the ceiling, while he was waiting for Dean to come back.

Around 1:00 am - he had just turned on TV to distract himself a little - he heared a knock on the door. He immediatly jumped and nearly _ran_ across the room to open up the door for his brother. But as he turned the doorknob and pulled the door open, it was not Dean who was Standing in front of him. Well not _only_ Dean.

The man was carrying his brother in a kind of a bridal way. It took Sam a while but he recognized him, as the man that killed Ruby, who saved his brother from hell.

Sams eyes narrowed a little and he could barely stop himself from closing the door again right away. The man in the Trenchcoat gave him a cold glare while he passed him and placed Dean - in a surprisingly gentle way - on his bed. Then he turned to look at Sam, crossing his arms in front of his chest and putting on a Stern look.

"Where were you?", Castiel asked.

Sam was crossing his arms now too, putting on the most bitchy and judging expression he was kepable of. If that guy wanted to make a scene, fine! But not with Sam.

"I was here, waiting for him to come home like I always do when he goes out after a fight.", he said, even his voice had that 'bitchy' touch.

The angel frowned.

"So you want to tell me that you're leaving him _everytime_ when he's drinking?!"

Sam rolled his eyes. "First of all: _He_ left _me_. He's my brother and I'd do anything for him, but I learned to stay out of his way when he's angry with me and starts drinking. I just wait until he calms down. But the point I don't get is why _you_ even _dare_ to come here and snap at me because I 'didn't take care of my brother'. He left me in here after he had yelled at me because I-", Sam bit his tongue. The thing with Ruby was none of his bussiness. Castiel just sighed.

"Because you did those things with Ruby and you were sad when I killed her. Yeah I know-", Castiel said but got interrupted by Sam, whose voice got a bit harsher and louder with every word he said.

"That's _n_ _one_ of your damn bussiness!"

Castiel took a quick but concerned look at Dean, praying that Sam didn't wake him up. But to Castiels delight Dean had snuggled into his pillow and was still quietly snorring. He turned to look at the younger Winchester again, hoping that he wouldn't see the last touch of concern that had lingered in his eyes, but was quickly replaced by the previous sternness.

But Sam had seen it and he raised an eyebrow. Now the famous 'Sam Winchester bitchface' - one of Deans greatest fears - was complete.

"Oh you thought that I may wake him up?", he said in a scoffy tone, "I don't get it. I don't get _you!_ Why do you care about Dean so much all of a sudden?! And _why_ did you kill Ruby?! She wasn't like the other demons, she never would've hurt me... or Dean. I bet on that evening she was just checking if I was okay, and you just killed her!"

Castiel glared at him with cold blue eyes.

"She betrayed you. She held a _knife_ against your brother, ready to slice his throat! I wouldn't have killed her if it hadn't been necessary. Now stop crying like a Baby and take care of your brother!"

Before Sam could answer anything the angel was gone.

* * *

"Where is he...?", Deans voice was just a sigh.

Sam hadn't noticed that his brother had woken up.

"Where's who?", Sam asked, turning to see his brother rubbing his forehead.

"Cas... uhm I mean Castiel... Forget it ...", the older Winchester mumbled, "Painkillers I _need_ painkillers... and coffee."

Sam chuckled and turned to his laptop again, "On your nightstand."

He heard a groan that sounded like _'thanks Sammy'._

"Why did you ask for that Castiel guy?", Sam asked, trying to sound casual, but he was actually still a little pissed.

Dean sighed while swallowing two painkillers at once and taking a sip of coffee afterwards.

"I uh don't really know... I mean he picked me up last night and brought me here... last thing I remember is falling asleep on babys backseat while Cas...", he noticed that he was shortening the angels name again but decided that it actually didn't matter if he called the angel Castiel or Cas, " uhm while he was driving back to the motel room.", Dean finished his sentence while rubbing his temples, hoping that the headache would vanish anytime soon.

"You let this jerk drive your car? _Your car?_ ", Sam raised an eyebrow, not even _trying_ to hide his distrust against Cas.

Dean sighed. "It's about Ruby again isn't it?"

Sam groaned and ran his left hand through his hair.

"Dean..."

"Sam, be honest."

"The younger Winchester brother sighed.

"Okay, Dean. Fine! Yes, he killed Ruby and you have no idea how pissed I am! She saved my life and helped me to get through the months when you were dead."

Dean frowned a little. "She saved your life?"

Sam nodded. "Yeah uhm I had ... I had tracked Lilith and wanted to kill her... on my own. She told me not to, but I sneaked out anyways. To make it short, she stopped my ass from being kicked. Dean, she killed a lot of demons that night... I just don't see why she'd kill you..."

Dean bit his bottom lip and looked at the cup in his hands.

"Sam I never really trusted Ruby, hell I don't even trust normal people, and I don't understand any of this either. I just want you to know that I'm really sorry for what happened. I know that Cas wouldn't have done that if it hadn't been necessary."

Sam was now extremely confused, and this confusion was caused by exactly three things:

1\. His brother apologised

2\. Dean called the angel "Cas" not Castiel - for the second time by now.

3\. Castiel had told Sam pretty much the same things as Dean

He looked up from his laptop and turned to his brother who was still sipping his coffee.

"Dean you okay?"

The older Winchester frowned.

"Sure, just a little hung over. Why?"

"Because you a, gave Castiel a nickname b, apologised and c, told me the same things that he told me last night. What the hell is going on with you and that angel?! You're acting strange and that worries me a little..."

Dean nearly jumped.

"He talked to you? When?!"

Sams mouth dropped open. He just told his brother that he acted strange and that he started to worry and everything he chose to remember was that slight comment about talking to Castiel.

"See? That-", he pointed a finger at Dean, "That's exactly what I'm talking about!"

Dean pouted like a little child and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"God damned Sammy I'm just asking...", Dean said and stared into a corner that was far away from Sam, just to avoid eye-contact.

His younger brother sighed.

"Whatever. You're acting strange, so I got ourselves a case. Perfect distraction."

Sam got up. Their Things were still packed up, because they actually planned on leaving yesterday, but the whole Thing with Ruby and Castiel kinda blew up their plan.

"Great! What do you've got in mind?", he heard his brother say, while getting out of bed.

"Uhm, four people missing. 'Bear attack' as the Police stated, but theres a kid that kinda escaped and told the reporters that it had been something else. To me it sounds a lot like wendigo. What do think?"

Dean nodded. "Looks like it. Let's go then..."

* * *

The two of them had checked out and had loaded their things into the Impalas trunk.

Dean had pulled out of the parking lot and was driving towards the street when someone stumbled out of the bushes near the sidewalk and ran in front of their car. It was a girl with long red hair, she was holding up her hands as if to say _stop._

Dean immediatly hit the breaks, hoping that the car wouldn't hit her, but she already ran to the drivers side and started to knock on the window.

Dean frowned and opened it.

"You are Dean Winchester... are you? It has to be you. You're literally glowing... Please tell me that you're him...", she stuttered. She sounded exhausted and a little scared. "I need- I - I need help ... please..."

Dean swallowed hard. "Why do you know my name?"

She sighed in relief. "I knew it was you... help me p-please. They're after me... probably even right now... I-I-...", she broke off to catch a breath.

"Calm down first... we'll help you okay?", Sam asked from the other side of the car."How did you know who Dean is?"

"The angels they... they are talking about... about you..."

The word angel alarmed Dean. He lifted an eyebrow, looking at the girl who was still heavily breathing.

"What do the angels want from you?"

"They ... they want to kill me..."

Deans eyes widened a little.

"What's your name?"

"My- ... my name's Anna"


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Hey there guys! This chapter is going to be a lil' present for Ashton's turtle. I read your r** **eview and I laughed - at first. I then realized that the chapter endings are really mean sometimes and I thought that I may upload this as an apology for the last chapter. (even if it's not going to make anything better... prepare, this chapter is not nice at some Point XD)**

 **Also, thanks to everyone who's reading this. I hope you like my story, even if it gives you feels and is quite sad.**

 **I hope you like this chapter!**

 **P.S.: Ashton's turtle, I hope you hate me a little less ;)**

* * *

Dean looked at the red headed girl that was sleeping in the backseat.

"Bobby said that he'd call Pamela.", Sam said as he stuffed his phone back into his pocket. Dean nodded and focused at the road again. Anna had told them about the things that happened to her lately. She heard angels talking for a short amount of time now. She had been brought into a psychiatric clinic, where she stayed until a demon attacked her. She managed to run away and hid in a church.

Dean was still thinking about what she said when he asked her how she found them.

 _"I heared them talking... there was this angel uhm... what was his name... Uriel, I think. He argued with that other angel uhm... somethink with C or K uhm... C-Cas-..."_

 _"Castiel?", Dean asked._

 _"Yes Castiel... one day Uriel asked him where he was going and Castiel answered that he was going to get you out of that bar. He mentioned in wich town the bar was so I made my way to the next train Station and sneaked into the next train that was leaving into this direction. Later Uriel yelled at Castiel who was still with you. He said something like 'I knew that it's not good for you to be around him', 'You're getting to emotional again' and 'you should come back, it's not good to be with him 'after all that happened''. I didn't really get that part, but after that Castiel told him that he would come back after he brought you back to that hotel - and told him where the hotel was.", she explained, "I'm a little confused_ _... why would this Castiel care so much about you?"_

 _Dean didn't respond to that._

Now Anna was sleeping on the backseat while they were driving to Bobbys. They were trying to keep her safe until Pamela was there to look after her a little. Dean had absolutely no idea what was going on that moment and somehow he wanted to talk to Cas. The angel would probably know what was going on.

* * *

They arrived at Bobbys not even two hours later. After Dean had brought Anna to the bunker and made sure that she was alright, he sneaked out to the backyard.

"Castiel?", he shouted and looked around a little. He heard a noice behind him, like a birds wings. When Dean turned around he was stareing straight into the angels blue eyes. A gasp of surprise escaped Dean. Cas was standing pretty damn close to him that moment and Dean tried to convince himself that he felt uncomfortable with Cas - a person he barely knew - standing as _that Close_ , but he didn't. It was a little familiar. Castiel was the one who broke the eye-contact first.

"Why did you call me?", he asked while he looked at anything but Dean.

Dean was still a little in his thoughts but when the angel slightly cleared his throat, Dean nervously ran a hand through his hair.

"Oh right ... sorry Cas."

The angels facial expression dropped. Did he say _Cas?_ His nickname... Cas. He thought that he might never hear Dean call him like that again. He felt how the butterflies in his stomach started to take flight and he had that urge to hug Dean right there and then.

But it was all just in his mind, on the outside he just smiled a little. He still had to act heartless.

"Cas?", he asked as if he didn't knew the nickname already.

"Oh uhm yeah... I tend to shorten names up a little... Just if you don't mind of course."

' _No I dont mind Dean. I love it when you call me Cas, and you know it... you knew it...' ,_ Castiels thoughts started to wander off a little.

"Okay uhm I called you because I don't get what is going on right now... with that Anna chick..."

Deans words dragged Castiel back to reality. Did he say Anna? So they had found her...

"You found Anna?!", Castiel asked immediatly.

"Uhm well... She found us. She said that she listened to your conversations and found out where we were like that."

"Dean, she has to go with me."

Dean frowned a little. "She told me that your angel buds wanted to kill her... I'm not gonna let her go with you when you want to kill her."

The little smile on Cas' face had now completely vanished.

"Dean...", Castiel looked at the Floor.

"So you really want to kill her? An _innocent girl?!"_

Castiel swallowed hard.

"Cas? Talk to me...", Dean said, hoping that it wasn't true. Castiel seemed so nice, how could he want to kill Anna?

"I don't want to, Dean. I have to... it's an order. You may think that she's innocent, but she's not. Believe me when I say that I don't want to kill her but if I disobey _again_ it would be the death of me."

Dean gasped a little. That was the last thing he wanted.

"So there's nothing you can do?", Dean asked and bit his lip.

Castiel shook his head and sighed.

"But you could at least explain me why she's on your black list..."

"Dean... I'm not allowed to tell you that... I'm not even allowed to be here..."

Dean looked into Cas' eyes. "But you _are_ here."

The angel bit his lip. He couldn't resist the look in Deans eyes. _Damn it._

"She once was an angel. She disobeyed, she ripped out her grace, she turned human. But now she listens sometimes and if the demons find her first they would have a 'weapon'. They could torture her until she tells them our plans."

Deans eyes widened a little. Then he started to laugh hysterically.

"That's not true.", but then he saw Castiels serious face "You're- you're kidding she's not an angel..."

"Dean..."

"Stop lying to me!", Dean suddenly yelled.

Castiel gasped.

"I would _NEVER_ lie to you and you know that!", Cas snapped at him. Damn it, he never wanted to say that.

Dean frowned a little, what the hell was that supposed to mean?!

"Cas, what-"

"Forget it!", the angel said and looked at the ground. Before Dean could say anything else he heard someone calling for him. It was Sam.

"Pamela's here Dean!"

The younger Winchester walked out of the of house and entered the backyard. Dean turned around and yelled a quick ' _just a second_ ', but Cas took that Chance. When Dean turned around again he was already gone.

* * *

Pamela had put Anna in some Kind of Trance, now she was talking to her. It got really weird, really quick. Anna started to scream, then she started to hover above the bed she laid on. Dean didn't really know how to discribe it, it somehow reminded him of that film 'the exorcist'. Dean decided to interveine.

"Pamela stop it!", he screamed while running towards Anna.

That moment Anna sank back onto the bed, calming down immediatly. She opened up her eyes and suddenly didn't seem like the confused girl from the sidewalk anymore. She looked up to Dean and smiled a little.

"I remember again...", she said a little quiet.

"What do you remember?", Dean asked, a little nervous. What if Cas had told him the truth? That would mean that he had yelled at Cas for nothing... Crap.

"I'm an angel.", she said after a while that seemed like an eternity to Dean. Deans facial expression dropped and he swallowed hard.

As fast as possible...

* * *

Dean had screamed Cas' name over and over again, hoping that the angel would show up... it was strange but Dean wanted to apologise. He didn't want Cas to be mad at told himself that it was because Cas had saved him and Dean wanted him to like him, and that was not even a lie. But the truth was that he felt guilty for yelling at him.

After a while Dean decided to give up. He went back to Anna and Sam. Bobby was taking care of Pamela who statet that she'd leave after she had found out about Anna. She didn't want to get involved into an angels thing _again._

Anna looked up at Dean and gave him a small smile.

"Where were you?", she asked a little curious.

Sam lifted an eyebrow. and looked at his brother. He had heard the argument Dean had had with Castiel and was a little curious aswell.

"I had uhm... something to do, but I uhm decided that I could still do that later...", he said while sitting down next to Anna.

Anna seemed to except this, but Sam knew that he was lying. But Sam dropped it, he was going to ask Dean what was going on later, without Anna.

"So what are we gonna do now?", Dean asked.

"We'll find my grace. If I'm an angel again they can't catch me anymore... _and_ they'll leave you alone."

"Great! How do we do that?", Sam asked while sitting down besides his brother.

"We're going to look through some astrological files about the area where I was 'born'. We're looking for a meteorite..."

The two brothers nodded and and got to work.

* * *

They had found the place were Annas grace had landed, but it turned out that the angels had been faster.

So there they were, no grace, no plan.

Dean was leaning against the Impala that was parked next to the old barn they had found. He was looking at the stars and - for some reasons he couldn't explain - he was thinking about Cas. Why was he doing this...?

The sound of approaching footsteps got him out of his thoughts. He turned around to see Anna who gave him a shy smile. With a quick _'hey'_ she leaned against the Impala too.

After a while of silence Dean decided to say something.

"Why would an angel want to be human?"

Anna frowned at him, "Dean, the question is, why not?"

Dean thought about what she had said and looked down at her.

"I remember it again. It was colorless, no emotions, just orders. We had to do everything they told us and I started to question it. I decided that I'd rather have a short live as a human than another eternity as an emotionless soldier. Do you know what I mean? I was invisible. Always around but never seen, always watching other People living their lives..."

Dean understood her. He knew that feeling.

"But emotions aren't always good.", Dean said.

"But you've got love."

"And pain"

"Happiness"

"Sadness"

"Chocolate cake"

"Loss"

"Sex"

Dean bursted out laughing. "Okay I give up!"

Anna still smiled at him and he smiled back. He leaned in a little to place a kiss on her lips. Anna even kissed back, but it was not like Dean expected it to be. It felt like always, a little dull but decent. Somehow he had expected it to be different. There was this blurry memory of kissing someone - god knows who it was -, the butterflies in his stomach, the explosion of feelings and the burning in his heart. Why didn't it feel like this? Kissing Anna was nicebut it didn't feel right, _why didn't it feel right?!_

Anna pulled away a little to look at Dean.

"You know this is maybe my last night on earth so..."

Dean smiled a little, trying to shove the strange feeling away.

"That's my line...", he whispered. He took her handand pulled her towards the Impalas backseat.

Though there still was this odd feeling he pulled Anna inside.

He decided that it was okay, even if it felt wrong...

* * *

 **A/N: So, sorry for being mean again but hey! At least it's going on ... right?**

 **I hope you don't hate me ;)**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Hey guys it's me again!**

 **Well I think I'm just gonna apologise for every chapter now because this story is just really, really, really mean. BUT: There's still hope, good things are going to happen so hang on guys! :)**

 **(to Ashton's turtle: there's a small note at the end of the chapter for you)**

* * *

It was not a fair deal. Letting Dean decide between saving Anna or Sam. They knew that he would always choose Sam. But since when was life fair?

They were waiting in the barn. Anna was slightly leaning against Dean, burrying her face into his chest. The hunter had put an arm around her waist to keep her close, his index finger drawing little circles onto the fabric of her shirt. Sam watched them from across the room, a frown of confusion lingering on his face. Until then he hadn't really noticed that Dean hadn't spent as that much time on girls lately, Anna was the first one he showed any kind of interest in ever since he came back. And still there was this Expression on Deans face... Sam knew what Dean looked like when he was in love or just liked a girl, he had seen it several times, on that Cassie girl or on Lisa for example. It was not like this, this looked different.  
Dean himself wasn't sure of how to think of Anna either. Sure she was nice, he really liked her, but it felt wrong. He felt guilty for having slept with her, he felt guilty for holding her close and he felt guilty for not pushing her away. He tried to act normal in front of Anna and Sam, but when Dean saw Sams knowing look he knew that he was desperatly failing.

There was a sound as if two inormous birds just landed besides them when Uriel and Castiel appeared.

Sam watched how Deans expression completely changed as his eyes spotted the angel in a Trenchcoat. The green of Deans eyes seemed to darken and take a worried but also sad shade. He also let go of Anna alsmost immediatly, letting his shoulders droop a little. As Dean stood there, looking at Castiel, Sam remembered how Dean looked like when saying goodbye to Lisa after the changeling case, it was literally the same expression. What the hell was going on with Dean?

Sam decided to interveine. He quickly crossed the room and sided with his brother, shoving Anna behind them. Sams presens seemed to wake Dean up. He put on his pokerface and braced himself for what was comming.

"Give her to us.", Castiel commanded. His blue eyes were cold, even if it was just acting.

"No"

"Dean, did you forget our little deal? If you don't give us Anna we'll take Sam.", the other angel - Uriel - said when Castiel didn't attempt to say any further.

"Screw you.", Dean snapped at Uriel. The angel cocked an eyebrow but then Anna put a hand on Deans shoulder from behind.

"Dean, it's okay... I- I'll go."

Dean turned around to Anna, his eyes a little widened. She gave him a halfhearted smile.

"It's okay...", she said again before going onto her tiptoes to kiss Dean on his lips.

Castiel swallowed hard. It was obvious, why hadn't he noticed already? The way they looked at each other and now the kiss, a look into Anna eyes proved it.

The angels glare got even more freezing. He looked completely furious and probably even a little hurt, but that was nothing compared to the terror on his inside. He wanted to break down his whole fassade and scream, yell at both Anna _and_ Dean, he wanted to burn this whole barn down until nothing was left. He wanted to cry. But he didn't let that happen.

Anna walked towards the two angels and slightly nodded, whispering _'_ _I'm ready'_.

Castiel had already reached out for Anna when the doors flew open.

"Hands off of her or I'll cut them off!"

All heads turned to see three men walking in. The three humans took a step back and Sam and Dean both pulled Anna behind their backs again. Castiels eyes widened in shock.

"Allistair?!", the angel gasped. The man in the middle laughed.

"Surprised to see me kiddo?"

Dean looked at Cas again whose expression had changed from furious and hurt into pure horror in less then a second. Dean remembered Allistair from the nightmares but how was it possible that Cas knew him?

"Dean!", the demon said in a cheerful sing-song voice, "I see you're doing great, but it's a little strange you know? You shouldn't even be able to stand, I mean the things you've been through would even cause _me_ hallucinations."

Allistairs eyes focused on Cas again now and Dean followed the demons gaze.

"That was you right?", he said,"First you rescue this bastard and then you _heal_ him? How long did it take you? One... two months?"

Dean frowned and threw a confused look at Cas who felt his fassade slowly starting to crumble.

Not paying Attention to Dean the angel swallowed hard.

"You should be dead.", he hissed towards the demon on wich Allistair laughed again.

"You thought you killed me?! With my own knife?"

Uriel looked at his friend. It was obvious how all of this hit him.

"Enough!", Uriel groweled, reaching out for Anna ready to take her and leave, but a demon was already at him that second. Castiel tried to help but Allistair pushed him and pinned him to the floor. Uriel was still fighting the demon when the third demon attacked and the angel lost his balance. Dean saw a necklace with a blue, glowing gem on it that had kind slipped out of Uriels pocket while he fell to the ground, but he couldn't think about it any longer because someone screamed. Cas.

The angel was still pinned to the floor, his face grimaced in pain. The demon was holding him down, mumbling something in a language Dean didn't know. Deans mind blanked, he didn't think he just grabbed the demon knife and ran towards Allistair. He agressivly piled the knife into Allistairs back.

With a groan the demon let go of the angel and turned to face Dean while he got up.

"Now I'm angry."

Dean stumbled backwards. Why was this son of a bitch still alive?! Wasn't this damned knife supposed to work?

Allistair stood up and glared at Dean with grinted teeth. The hunter stumbled backwards under the demons death stare and started to panic.

"Dean, run !"

Dean froze when he heard that. He would've expected to hear that from Sam or maybe even Anna, but it was Cas who told him to run. He looked at the angel on the floor. Was that a tear running down his cheek? Was Castiel really crying?!

Dean was too distracted to realize that Allistair was still Walking towards him. Soon Dean felt how he was pushed and fell to the ground, he could do nothing but watch how Allistair pulled the knife out of his back. The demon bent down over him, pointing the knife right at his artery.

"See ya in hell kiddo.", Allistair said with a satanic grin.

Everything that was surrounding him seemed to slow down a little. He heard someone call his Name, he heard that Uriel was still fighting the demons and he heared a quiet whimper out of Cas' direction. Dean closed his eyes, he had died before so he knew that - if it went good - it would be over within seconds.

Before Allistair could slice his throat Dean heard how Anna screamed:

"Cover your eyes!"

Followed by Allistair yelling: "NO!"

And then there was this huge flash of light. Dean kept his eyes closed until it was over and when he opened them again he was alone with Sam again.

"Dean!", his younger brother yelled, rushing towards Dean. "You okay?", he asked a little breathless while kneeling down next to him. Dean nodded as he sat up and ran his fingers through his hair. Sam sat down and sighed. Neither of them said anything for a while, Sam wanted to but it was not the time to ask his brother questions about what was going on with Castiel.

"Are we ... this case you found- this wendigo thing... we still gonna do that right?"

Sam looked at Dean, he looked terrified and an alarming numbness was laying inside of his usually vivid green eyes.

"You still want to do the job?", Sam asked quietly.

He saw how Dean swallowed and nodded.

"Like you said... the perfect distraction..."

* * *

Cas was on his knees, tears streaming down his face. It felt good to let his emotions run free, let them rule him. The small copse he had escaped to looked like a battlefield after Cas had let out his rage, fire was surrounding him and lightnings hit the ground wherever he wanted them to. He had screamed for hours, but now that his throat was more than just sore he just remained silent. He was breathing heavily between the sobbs. The sound of an arriving angel made him look up, his teeth grinted.

"Castiel?", it was Uriel. Who else could it have been?

"Get. Lost. Uriel!"

"Cas-"

"I said: GET LOST!"

Uriel bit his bottom lip. He felt sorry for Castiel, it had to be terrible to see the person you love with someone else. Uriel wasn't a friend of disobedient angels and his opinion was that those who disobey should be punished, but _this_? This was awful.

"Castiel I understand-"

"You understand nothing... leave me alone.", Castiel said a little calmer now.

"But- ", Uriel attempted.

"Please ... I need to be alone."

Uriel nodded. "Join us later okay? We've got news from Lilith."

Castiel swallowed hard.

"No I-... I think that I'll uhm... do something on my own for a while. I need a time off...", Castiel whispered.

Uriel nodded again. "What do you've got in mind?"

Castiel shrugged. "I don't know yet."

"Be careful brother...", Uriel said before disappearing, leaving him alone again.

Castiel closed his eyes. Lying to another angel was easy, they always think that you're honest. Of course Castiel knew what he wanted to do, he just didn't want anyone to know.

An archangel took Deans memories, so only an archangel could bring them back. An archangel or god...

* * *

 **For Ashton's turtle: Hallo, I realized that I'm a Monster.  
** **I don't know if you have ever written something that is as sad as this crap but at first I thought: Yeah great, let's be mean. But then I saw beeing mean is terrible because this is actually giving people feels ( this was the Point where the guilt caught up to me btw) so now I'm like: F*ck f*ck f*ck gonna apologise! But crap this chapter is mean, okay gonna apologise with this! Sh*t also mean!  
But I have a worked out a storyline and I can promise you it'll get less shitty soon (*ehem* not in the next chapter but after that *ehem*)  
**

 **Also, thank you so, so, so much for your reviews because they're actually making my day better at some point. I showed them to my best friend and she was like: Damn that girl rocks!  
And I'm gonna be honest: she's right. ;)**

 **P.S.: To your questions: No, I don't get off on toturing Cas (I actually cry internally while I'm writing this); Yes, I am nice sometimes (when I'm not writing this story) and yes, I do have friends (but we're not actual humans we're satans children)**

 **Bye and lots of love,**

 **me**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Hey there guys! I want to thank you all for the lovely reviews ( tido-mus, ashton's turtle and tardis-impala-221b-merlin) and for all those who favorited and followed this Story.**

 **So, since I never expected to come this far (chapter 15 holy shit!) I decided that I'll maybe post some kind of a 'special' when I hit the 20 chapters. So I thought about posting a chapter about a day in heaven or maybe a totally new Point of view. I don't really know yet, so if you have an idea just write it down in the reviews and maybe I'll do it as 'the special'.**

 **Spoiler alert: This chapter is a little bitch so prepare...**

 **(To Ashton's turtle: there's another note for you at the end of the chapter. Don't ask why it just sort of happened ;) )**

* * *

The wendigo case turned out to be a quick one. They found the cave pretty fast and made it to kill this son of a bitch with just a few scratches. What belonged to the victims they weren't as that lucky. Three of the four people were already dead when they arrived and the fourth died on the ride to the Hospital.

The two of them got back to their motel room, tired and a little depressed. They both hated it when they weren't able to save people, they felt so useless. Dean sat on his bed, cleaning the cut on his arm. He looked over to his brother who had fallen onto his bed immediatly after they came back and was now sleeping. He looked like he was sleeping well. Dean sighed, he wished that he could sleep like that too. Everytime he closed his eyes, everything caught up to him, the nightmares and hell. The memories weren't complete, Dean figured that much, no they were just a small piece of everything. So when they shattered he had a little rest. But sometimes he had nightmares all night long. He didn't want to sleep, not today.

"Cas?", he whispered. "Cas, I know you're there and I want you to know that I'm sorry. I yelled at you for nothing, I should have believed you. Please, come here. I have questions, what was Allistair talking about lately? He said that you did your job well, that I shouldn't be able to stand because of the shit I've been through... has that something to do with the gap in my mind? Because I know that something's missing. What is this missing piece I don't remember?", Dean sighed. "Cas, where are you? Talk to me... "

Dean looked at the ceiling as if he was waiting for an answer from above. Nothing happened.

"Whatever uhm... ", Dean mumbled, "I'll just wait here ... if you want to, you can uhm... you can just come 'round whenever you want to. I'll be here."

Dean smiled a little and made himself comfortable on the hard motel bed. He waited for Cas, humming a melody he remembered his father humming over and over again. He laid awake for hours, trying to fight the urge to sleep, and then he gave up. Cas wouldn't come. With a sigh Dean sank onto his pillow. Maybe he needed a little rest, just three hours. He fell into deep sleep not even five minutes later.

* * *

Castiel was sitting next to the sleeping Dean, like he used to when they were in heaven. The angel had waited until Dean was sleeping because talking to Dean was not good for him. He wouldn't be able to control his emotions wich was exactly what he needed to do. Control his emotions and act normal. No one should find out about his plan. Dean was getting fitful, he had nightmares and started to talk in his sleep.

"Sam... help ... Sammy help me..."

Cas looked at Dean, he looked so in pain. He gently put two fingers on his forehead. A relieved sigh escaped Dean whose expression turned into a peaceful smile almost immediatly.

"I'll make it stop Dean... I'll fin god. I know that it sounds ridiculous, I'm sure that you'd laugh at me, but he'll help us. He'll bring your memories back."

Castiel bent down a little and quickly placed a kiss on Deans cheek.

"I love you.", the angel whispered," don't forget that..."

* * *

"Cas?!"

Sam turned his head to see his brother sitting up in bed.

"No Dean, it's _just_ me..."

This was the second time Dean woke up asking for the angel.

"Sorry I uhm just felt like he was here...", Dean mumbled and ran a hand through his hair. Sams lips tightened to a thin line but he decided to say nothing, he just nodded and got up from the chair.

"I'll go get some breakfast..."

"Don't forget the pie!"

Sam rolled his eyes but gave Dean a slight smile. "Yeah, I got that."

The younger Winchester gripped the car-keys and opened the door. "Bye, Dean!"

And with those words he left the room. Dean waited until he heard the Impalas engine, so that he was sure that his brother was gone. He got up from the bed.

"Cas?", Dean looked up at the ceiling again (what was ridiculous because if Cas was there he surely wasn't hanging from the ceiling)

"You there?"

No one answered.

"Cas if you can hear me, I'm sorry. I know that I've already said that ... but uhm ... I'm still sorry. And I still have those questions... I-I feel so quilty."

Dean wasn't sure if he should tell Cas. he hadn't even told Sam about this.

"I uhm I slept with Anna but uhm ... but it felt strange, you know? It felt so wrong and ... and I feel guilty, I don't know why. I thought that you might be able to help me..."

Dean nervously bit his lip.

"Okay Cas, uhm... feel free to come over whenever you want to."

But no one came.

* * *

A few weeks had gone by. Dean prayed to Cas every day. He always waited until Sam was asleep or did it when he thought that Sam wasn't around. But Sam heard him a few times. Sam never told Dean that he knew the he was praying to Cas, it would only cause trouble. It confused Sam. Sure, he was acting strange already since he first met Castiel, but _this_? Dean had never prayed before. And then there was this one time when Dean thought that he was asleep, Dean had said that he worried about Castiel, he said that he _missed_ him. Dean never, _never,_ said things like that.  
Sam was not very fond of Castiel, everyone knew that and the fact that this jerk was ignoring his brother for weeks by now didn't make things better.

The brothers didn't know that was Castiel watched over Dean every night. He waited until Dean and Sam both had fallen asleep and sat down on his usual place next to Dean. Everytime nightmares were coming up he sent them away, sure they'd come back but it made Dean feel better and that was all that mattered. Sometimes he talked to Dean a little, about the seek for god, he held Deans hand and even kissed is cheek sometimes. Before he left he always told Dean that he loved him and that he should never forget that.

* * *

It was a normal case, just a ghost. A woman that burned alive when someone had set her house on fire. They had picked up her trace when the Police found a body whose lungs where burned _,_ but with no burns on the outside. She used to murder her victims by burning their lungs from _inside,_ she wanted them to feel like she felt. Just like any other ghost.

Just a normal case.

They were digging up her bones- someone had found her completely charred body before it was too late- when Dean heard a strange noise.

"You heard that?", Dean asked as he tossed another shovel full of dirt out of the grave.

Sam frowned and shook his head firmly. Dean looked around a few times before continuing to dig up the bones. His shovel hit the casket just a few minutes later.

"Got 'em!", he yelled and Sam went to get the salt and some fuel to burn that bitches ass.

There was this sound again and Dean frowned. He shook his head and hit the already rotten wood of the casket again and again. The noise didn't disappear, it only got worse. Dean huffed a little and turned around, trying to find the source of it, when every single bit of air left his lungs. He was staring right into the dark, numb eyes of the ghost.

"SAM-", he didn't come further, an invisible force pushed him. It threw him out of the grave.

When the younger Winchester turned around he saw his brother being tossed around as if he was just a toy. With a dump noise Deans head hit one of the gravestones and his body fell to the ground. Sam froze, terrified, watching as the blood ran down his brothers neck.

"Burn 'em-", Dean yelled, his broken voice ripping Sam out of his rigor.

There was this unbelievable pain at the back of his head, it stung, it sent this disgusting feeling through his whole body. He groaned and tried to get up, but the pain he felt when he moved his head just a little stopped him from doing anything. The ghost appeared before Dean again, her dark eyes wild in rage, her teeth grinted. Dean started to cough, the weight on his chest was taking his breath. With every cough the wound on the back of his head hurted worse and the pressure on his chest grew bigger. Suddenly it felt like his whole chest was on fire, his lungs slowly burning. The ghost still stared at him her glare as burning as the fire in his ribcage. She was going to kill him.

While Dean was desperatly trying to breathe, Sam had opened the casket. He was shaking as he hurried to salt her bones and covered them in fuel. With a lighter in his hand he turned to look at Dean again. He was pale, his chest was raising and dropping in an alarming speed.

Dean wanted to scream but he couldn't , the burning in his lungs got worse with every second. His sight started to get blurry, he swallowed hard, trying to Keep his eyes open, when the pressure suddenly started to fade. He barely heard the ghosts scream as Sam burned her bones. The world around him started to disappear, a soft numbness taking the pains place. Soon he was covered in darkness, the unconciousness taking in his mind.

He didn't feel how Sam pulled him towards the Impala.

He didn't hear Sam calling out for Cas to help him.

He didn't hear Sam telling him to hold on.

He just let go.

* * *

Dean hadn't expected that he'd open his eyes again, but he did, even if he had to close them again immediatly because the daylight that shone through the open window was too bright.

"Sam...?", he whispered, his throat was still sore and his head hurted like hell, but he was alive.

"Sam is not here, he said that he was going to buy something to eat..."

Deans eyes flew open, ignoring the slight burn that the bright light caused. Almost in panic he was looking for the proof that the person this voice belonged to was really there.

Cas sat on the edge of Deans bed, a worried frown lingering on his face. Dean sighed in relief as he closed his eyes again.

"You're here...", his voice was weak but Castiel could hear how happy he was.

"Yes... Sam prayed to me. He said that you would die if I wouldn't help you."

Dean just nodded, too tired to completely understand what he was saying.

"Ho do you feel?", the angel asked after a while of silence.

"Shitty", Dean answered with a slight smile on his lips. Castiel returned Deans smile, he seemed to get better.

"Cas?"

"Hm?"

"Did you hear me?"

The angel swallowed hard and looked down to the floor. Of Course he had heard Dean, many times he had played with the thought of giving in and go to Dean, but he always waited patiently until they were sleeping.

"Did you?"

His eyes wandered over to Dean again. His eyes were open again, looking at him with a questioning look.

"Yes."

Deans green eyes darkened a little, disappointment lingering in his gaze.

"So you heard me? Everything? My questions, how I begged you to come here? I - I told you that I missed you god damn it and you didn't even _think_ about come here?! Not ONCE?!", Dean snapped, a little too loud. He had to cough immediatly.

Castiel nervously bit his bottom lip. He couldn't tell Dean that he came every night to help him with the nightmares, but what should he tell him instead?

"I wanted to, many times. But I couldn't. I had things to do, I had orders."

It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the truth either. He had things to do, no orders, but definatly something to do.

Dean nodded, he understood that, he was still a little sad but he understood it.

"But I've uhm... I heard everything you said and um... I missed you too."

Deans eyes widened a little. He felt how his cheeks started to burn and quickly looked away. It was not like him to 'blush'.

Castiel tried to distract from the awkwardness their conversation had lead to.

"You should sleep Dean. You need rest."

Dean just nodded. He was way to wonder about the concern in Cas' voice. He closed his eyes and let out a small sigh. He felt how the angel next to him started shifting, obviously trying to get up without making Dean notice it.

"Cas?"

The angel sighed, damn it.

"Could you stay? Just 'til I wake up again..."

Castiel smiled at him fondly. It remembered him of that one time when Dean woke up and he hadn't been there, when Dean yelled at him because he had worried.

"Of course I can.", Cas said quietly, sitting down on the bed again. Dean sighed relieved and smiled at him a little.

Soon Dean was asleep and Castiel took care of his nightmares, watching carefully so that nothing happened to him. Then the door suddenly flew open, without a warning.

Sam walked in, he was carrying two big grocery bags inside of his arms. He nearly dropped them when he saw Cas still sitting on the edge of his brothers bed.

"You're still here?", he grumbled with a frown on his face, as he put the bags onto the small wooden table in one of the corners of his room.

"Dean told me to stay.", was the angels short reply. He turned to face the younger Winchester, the word _confusion_ was literally written on his forehead. Before Sam could say anything the angel interrupted him.

"Did you bring pie?"

The frown on Sams face only grew deeper. "Uh yeah. Course I did. Why?"

"Wich flavour?"

Sam cocked his head and knitted his eyebrows together. "What the?! What do you mean with 'wich flavour'?"

Castiel sighed. "Is it apple-, cherry- or pecanpie?"

"Uhm... ch- cherry?", Sam stuttered confused. Castiel shook his head and got up from the bed.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm going to get applepie, you brought the wrong pie."

This was the point on wich Sams confusion Level hit the ten.

"Today is an applepie-day, he always prefers applepie when it was a rough day or when he is sad.", the angel explained when he saw the look on Sams face. It didn't make it better though.

Castiel realised that this was a Detail about Dean that he had picked up in heaven. He nervously ran a hand through his hair. Bevor Sam could comment this, Caas disappeared to get the pie.

* * *

Dean was woken up from the shift by his side. His eyes immediatly searched for Cas, but without success. Dean sighed, a little disappointed. He immediatly scolded himself for thinking that Cas would really stay until he woke up. Why did he even ask Cas to stay? This was crazy, he barely knew Castiel. Why was he missing him when he was gone and why was it Feeling so strange when he was with him?

"Sammy?", he asked a little sleepy. His brother was by his side with two long steps, he was holding a plate in his hands.

"Dean! How are you? You okay?!"

Dean chuckled a little. Sam always overreacted when he was hurt. Okay, he almost died but hey! He was alive right?

"Yes I'm fine, just a little tired.", Dean offered his brother a smile. Sam sighed, now a little calmer then before.

"Thank god... you were nearly dead!"

Dean nodded. "I know. I- I somehow felt that it was ... over."

"Oh... good that Cas-", Sam thought about it for a second and decided to stick with the angels nickname,"uhm that he came in time."

"Where is he after all? He ... I ... uhm he wanted to stay..."

Sam slightly grinted his teeth. "He... whatever. I brought you pie!"

Deans face lit up, even though he was still a little down because Cas wasn't there. His brother handed him the plate.

"That's cherrypie.", Dean stated while frowning at the pie, "Wasn't there any applepie at the store?"

Sam narrowed his eyes and his lips tightened to a thin line. "No I thought you might like ch-", Sam was interrupted when Cas suddenly appeard on the other side of Deans bed, carrying a pie in his hands.

Deans eyes flashed as Castiel appeared, trying to sit himself up a little.

"Cas where were you?"

Sam frowned at his brother who smiled like a litlle child on Christmas eve.

"I got you pie.", Cas looked down onto the pie in his hands,"It's applepie."

Sam rolled his eyes. Sure he was glad that Cas saved Dean and all but _this_? This was ridiculous. First this jerk ignored Dean _for weeks_ and now that he finally showed up he had nothing better to do then getting Dean applepie because it's an 'applepie-day' and on 'applepie-days' Dean doesn't eat cherryppie.

Sam audibly cleared his throat. "Castiel? Would you mind if I talk to you for a second?"

Dean glared at his brother but Cas just put a Hand on Deans shoulder to show him that it was okay with him. He passed the pie to Dean and got up to walk over to Sam who pulled him out of the door as soon as he could reach him.

When the door was shut and Sam was sure that Dean couldn't hear them, Sam crossed his arms in front of his chest and gave Cas a stern look.

"So?"

Castiel cocked his head a little. "So what?"

" _So,_ how did you know the applepie thing?"

Castiel nervously bit his lip. Yes the applepie thing, the one mistake that ruined it all. Sam wasn't dump, Castiel knew that he had noticed that something was strange, but this had given him away. He could easily just disappear, but it would only make it worse. Or he could try to lie to Sam, but again: Sam wasn't dump, _plus_ he was a terrible liar. It was time for the truth. He had known that this would come, it was unalterable. He had known that at some point he had to tell someone the truth.

"Sam... it- it's a long story and I- I'm not sure if you really want to hear it..."

Sam smiled spiteful. "I have all day."

* * *

 **To Ashton's turtle: Hi**

 **Thank you for reviewing like every chapter (with or without cursing me XD), they always make me laugh.**

 **Aaaand wich is the saddest story that you uploaded on your Profile? Because I'm totally gonna read it!**

 **Bye then :)**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Hello again guys! Thanks for favs, follows and reviews (tiddo-mus and Ashtons turtle - the now traditional note is waiting 4 u at the end of the chapter- you two are _always_ reviewing and that makes me really really really happy)**

 **I'm laughing so hard rn because I'm currently re-watching s1 and OH MY CHUCK! THEY WERE BABIES! I mean, a woman in White? Never laughed so hard. It's just great - no Cas but sill great! XD**

 **So I hope you like the new chapter! Also: foreshadowing af in this chapter. Luv u all!**

* * *

Sam opened and closed his mouth a few times as if he was a fish. Somehow he wanted to laugh, because this couldn't be true, but he didn't. The man in front of him just stared to the ground, Sam couldn't see his expression but he didn't need to see it to know that the angel looked terrible. Judging on how Castiels shoulders were trembling, he was crying. This was not a joke.

"Dean... and- and you ...? And they - they just... just to - to make you suffer?"

Castiel slightly nodded, still not looking up. Sam swallowed hard, he wasn't really buying it still, but the more he thought about it the more it made sence. How strange Dean was acting around Castiel, the way they looked at eachother, why Dean trusted Cas and why his brother who had never spent a thought about church or anything like that prayed. It made sense. All of it.

"Why didn't you tell him?", Sam asked quietly almost afraid of saying something. Now that he knew what had happened to Cas - yes he decided to stick with the nickname - and Dean the hate he felt towards the angel started to fade. Everything he had done was reasoned and Sam knew too well how it was like to care about Dean, he was like a magnet for the evil. Besides, Sam knew what it felt like to loose the person you love. It still hurted when he thought about Jess, even after all those years. Something like that leaves marks.

"I- I wanted to... many times. I wanted to tell him, make him remember you know? But he wouldn't have believed me if I did it, he would have pushed me away.", Cas finally looked up, his eyes swollen from crying, "I wouldn't be able to take that Sam... Having Dean taken away from me is one thing but - but being pushed away? I wouldn't be able to stand that..."

Cas was whiping the tears off of his cheeks, he could still feel the pain that this had caused him, as if it had been just hours ago.

"But there _is_ a way to make him remember right? No spell is unbreakable, neither is this one is it?", Sam tried to give Cas an encouraging smile, but failed miserably.

"Yes there- there is a way but it's almost impossible..."

"That's great! _Almost_ doesn't mean completely impossible, so we can do it!"

Cas tilt his head to the side a little. " _We_?"

Sam nodded. "Yeah, I'm helping you."

The angels eyes grew wide. "Really?"

"'Course I am. Cas, it's about Dean. I can't just stand there and ignore the fact that somethings wrong with him, also: I know how you're feeling and if there's anything I can do to help people in a situation like that I do it. For Dean _and_ you."

Cas smiled at the young man in front him who returned the smile. The hunter had offered to help him, to many people this wouldn't be much but to Castiel it was the world.

"So, how do we do it?", Sam asked sounding extremely motivated. Castiel nodded and took a deep breath.

"Right, okay. It was an archangel who took Deans memory, we would need an archangel to get them back. But since there's no archangel in heaven who'd help me I decided that I'd need something at least as powerful as Raphael is when not even more powerful. So... I started to look for god."

"God.", Sam repeated.

Castiel nodded, "God."

Sam squinted his eyes in disbelief. "GOD?!"

"Yes Sam, god. I tried to find him and until now I have nothing. There is no way to really find out where he is."

Sam rubbed his forehead and sighed a little. "And you're sure that there's really _not a single_ archangel who'd help us? Maybe you left something out, maybe there's something you forgot somthing?", Sam was a little desperate now. That wasn't _almost_ impossible it _was_ impossible! How the hell are you supposed to find god?!

Castiel sighed and shook his head firmly.

"Sam. . . Michael and Raphael were the ones who did this to Dean... and me, Lucifer is trapped in the cage where he - hopefully - stays forever. And that' alread-", Castiel suddenly stopped, his eyes wide open as he realized something.

"Cas?", Sam asked, frowning. He started to worry a little since the angel hadn't said anything for what seemed like an eternity.

"Gabriel...", the angel muttered. His bewildered expression dropped and a bright smile took it's place. Sams frown only grew bigger when the angel beamed at him, grabbed his shoulders, shook him and repeated what he had said. _Gabriel._ What the hell was that supposed to mean?!

"Whoa dude, calm down. Okay? Who or what is Gabriel?"

Castiel laughed and let go of Sam to run his fingers through his messy hair.

"Gabriel! The archangel! God, how could I Forget him?!", Castiel said starting to laugh again. "He's hiding somewhere too. Here, on earth!"

Now that Sam understood too, he returned Cas' smile. "Let me guess: Archangels are less hard to find?"

Castiel nodded with a huge grin plastered all over his face "This is great! It's great!"

This was the first glimpse of hope ever since they had taken away Deans memories. It was there, small and barely in sight, but there was hope. He finally had something to hold on to.

"So," Castiel said as he calmed down again, "let's work out a plan!"

* * *

When Sam entered the room again, Dean was awake. He was waiting patiently. The pie that Cas had brought him was Standing on the nightstand- halfway eaten.

Sam laughed a little. "Dude, did you really need to eat half the pie?"

Dean slightly rolled his eyes. "Sam, I almost died. I was hungry!"

His brother frowned a little, his eyes were searching the room for a certain person. Or rather angel. "Where's Cas?"

Sam grabbed a chair and took a seat, while casually saying: "Had to leave.", before pulling his laptop onto his lap.

"What?! Why? Did you send him away?!", his brother sat up, his glare deathly. But with a sigh the glare softened a little. "Why didn't he say goodbye? What were you two even talking about?!"

Sam laughed. "Whoa tiger! Easy on the jealous."

Dean squinted his eyes when he saw the smirk on his brothers face.

"He had angel stuff to do but he promised to come back tomorrow.", Sam eventually said, his smirk only growing wider. It was not a complete lie. Cas really was going to come back tomorrow, but he wasn't actually doing angel stuff. He was still looking for god. The two of them had agreed that Sam would look up Gabriel and Castiel would keep on looking for god - as their plan B. Cas had also agreed to Sams request to drop by everyday for one or two hours, for Dean.

Dean sighed and sank back onto his pillow, grumbling halfhearted insults under his breath. Sam just chuckled and got on the internet.

 **Google:** _Archangel Gabriel_

 _Enter_

* * *

It was later that evening, Sam was having his fourth coffee, when his brother suddenly started screaming. His head snapped and he saw that his brother was sleeping but he looked like he was in pain. Terrible pain. Sam was already about to do something about it when there was a strange voice. Like the rustle of wings.

Suddenly Castiel was sitting on Deans side on the edge of the bed. Sam didn't say anything and sat still, watching how Cas quickly touched Deans forehead with two of his fingers. His brother immediatly relaxed, letting go of the sheets he'd been holding onto tight and relieving a small sigh. The angel by his side smiled gently and removed his fingers. Sam tilt his head a little bewildered by the softness in Cas look.

"Hello Dean", the silence was broken by Castiel, his voice only a whisper.

"Remember when I told you about getting your memories back? Sorry right uhm...", he chuckled bitterly and looked at his hands, "how could you? You were asleep and didn't hear me. Well... anyway uhm Sam is helping me now. We're looking for Gabriel now, together. We figured out a plan today after I- ... I told him truth. He needed to know and I think it's good because he understands now. Why I did the things I did and why I stayed away- well I didn't really stay away. But he still thinks that I ignored you for weeks and ... and so do you.", he spoke in a low voice but Sam heard everything in the complete silence of the room. Cas' voice was broken and - eventhough Sam wasn't able to see it - he could swear that the angel was on the verge of crying.

"Dean, I didn't stay away. I came here every night to help you. I know that I tell you this everytime and that it's completely pointless because you're not able to hear me but I don't know it- it just makes me feel better, you know? It makes me feel less like I'm letting you down.", he paused for a second, "Dean I'll never stay gone for so long ever again okay? I promised Sam to visit you every day, and I'll be damned if I ever break that promise."

He got up from the bed, "Dean we're gonna find Gabriel - or God. We're gonna make it. You hear me?"

With a sad smile the angel bent down to kiss Deans forehead. "I love you... don't you forget that..."

And then he was gone, he disappeared as fast as he had come.

Sam still didn't dare to move. Cas hadn't told him about _this._ Why hadn't he mentioned something? Sam had been so, so, _so_ pissed at him for ignoring Dean, and now that he knew that the angel hadn't ignored Dean he started to feel guilty.

This feeling had been lingering in the back of his mind ever since Cas had told him the truth earlier but now it started to get worse. He felt guilty for hating the man that loved his brother and saved him several times. He didn't deserve his hate, he didn't deserve _anyones_ hate.

He took a sip of coffee and dug into his Research again. Now he was even more motivated to help Cas. If there was anything he could do about this, it was finding out were this stupid ass of archangel was hiding. And he wouldn't want to be Sam Winchester anymore if he failed.

* * *

 **A/N: Hola Ashton's turtle :)**

 **1st of all: Naaaaaaaaw you're my favorite person in the world too!**

 **2nd of all: SHIT! WE'RE GETTING SOFT! NEED TO WRITE SOME HEARTLESS SHIT SOON (just kidding XD chapters will get even more harmless soon)**

 **3rd of all: I'm totally gonna read this Story of yours soon (didn't make it till now tho because School and shit) even if I'm not that well with HP**

 **So, lots of love from here XD**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Hello again my friends! I'm so, so, so sorry that I wasn't able to post this yesterday, but I was invited to a friends birthday Party and couldn't write it down so...**

 **Well, this chapter is literally just pointless crap wrapped up in a chapter, but I hope you enjoy it anyways :)**

 **Thanks to tiddo-mus for reviewing _every single chapter_! God I always enjoy your reviews because they're just so nice! Thank you, thank you thank you!**

 **\- Dean's Trench Coat Angel : you know what awaits you at the end of the chapter XD (Spoiler alert: it's a note XD)**

 **Enjoy this chapter and feel free to tell me what you think of it :)**

* * *

Dean woke up on Sam and Cas talking, but the conversation died as soon as they noticed that he had woken up. Dean yawed a little, way to tired to wonder about the rather abrupt ending of their converstion.

"Mornin' fellas... ", Dean mumbled while struggling to get up. Sam and Cas where at his side in seconds but to late to stop him from getting out of the bed.

"Dean, please lay down again.", Cas demanded with a worried frown lingering on his face. Dean smiled carelessly and streched a little.

"C'mon Cas! You fixed me remember? I can't stay in bed anymore, I need to move k'? I also need a shower real bad, so would you mind letting me trough to the bathroom?"

Castiel sighed, throwing a look at Sam who just shrugged. "Fine, but I should be watching over you."

Dean laughed. "That" he pointed a finger at Cas, "Is never gonna happen."

With those words the hunter made his way to the bathroom door and stepped inside, leaving Sam and Cas alone again.

As the door shut behind him, Cas turned to face Sam again.

"Did you find something until now?"

"Yeah, but not much...", Sam sighed, "Just that Gabriel is an archangel and that he fled from heaven when his Brothers turned against eachother. I found a few urban legends about Gabriel hiding on earth, the most popular ones say that he is disguising as other mystic creatures - demi gods or something like that for example. Sadly they don't really speak of what he is called like in his disguise, because no one really knows, but they say that he is really powerful and that he leaves Kind of a signature wherever he is."

Cas smiled a little. "You call that not much?"

Sam replied with a halfhearted smile. "Yeah, but I still wish it was more..."

The angel put his hand on Sams shoulder and gave him an encouraging smile. "You did well Sam-"

The bathroom door opened and Deans head popped out. He narrowed his eyes a little when he saw Cas' hand on Sams shoulder and there was a strange twist in his stomach wich he tried to ignore (he was failing terribly by the way). Dean audibly cleared his throat.

Sam and Cas turned around in the split of a second, both obviously a little startled by Dean - wich made him narrow his eyes even more. He had seen the odd look Sam had given Cas when he saw him.

"Sammy could you pass me my bag?", Dean asked, his voice as sharp as a razor. The Twist in his stomach got only worse when he saw that Cas' hand was _still_ resting on Sams shoulder.

"Sure.", Sam said as he calmed down a little. He walked over to the table on wich Dean had thrown his bag on (that also made Cas return his hand from Sams shoulder wich made Dean feel a little less like his insides were turned upside down). Dean turned his eyes away from Sam and looked at Cas instead. And like so often when their eyes met, it developed into hours of intense eye-contact. Dean didn't realise that he was staring until Sam cleared his throat a little to make Dean notice him.

With a muttered 'thanks' the elder Winchester grabbed his bag and disappeared into the bathroom again. When the door was closed behind him Dean started to wonder what had been going on with Sam and Cas. Since when were they acting so strange?

And since when were they so close? Cas' hand had been resting on Sams shoulder! Until then he had never really seen the angel 'touch' someone - except him. Again there was this strange twist in his stomach. Was that... No. Nope. NO!

He wasn't jealous, no way!

But when he thought about it a little longer... No! No...

Meanwhile Sam had turned to Cas again.

"Cas, what are we doing here? Why are we trying to keep Dean out of it?", he asked with a sigh. Sam knew that he wasn't able to hide something from Dean, and his brother wasn't able to hide Things from him either. They were Brothers, and his brother knows when something is wrong.

But then Sam saw the look on Cas' face and sighed a little. "You're afraid to tell him right?"

The angel slightly nodded.

"Cas you have to tell him at some Point. He needs to know in case we-", Sam didn't finish the sentence, he didn't mean to say that. Cas swallowed hard.

"In case we don't find Gabriel. Yeah, I know."

"Cas I-"

"No, it- it's okay you're right..."

Cas looked like a kicked puppy, his lips pressed to a thin line and his eyes pinned to the floor. Sam felt the guilty for bringing this rather touchy topic up and tried to fix it somehow.

"Castiel I'm sorry I didn't mean to...", but the angel cut him off again.

"Sam it's okay."

Sam slightly bit his lip. He didn't mean to make Cas sad, but there was no time for other apologies.

Dean came out of the bathroom again. He was wearing a dark green shirt and slightly ripped jeans, his hair was still a little wet and his skin looked a little more healthy than before.

Castiel forced a smile so that Dean wouldn't suspect something.

The hunter rubbed his hands together and a broad grin grew on his face. "I don't know 'bout you but I could need something to eat right now."

* * *

The trio went out to the diner down the street and they sat down in a quiet corner - Sam and Cas sat oppposite of Dean. Sam had brought his laptop and got on the internet as soon as they sat down. A blonde waitress in a pretty short working uniform walked up to their table and gave them a welcoming smile.

"Welcome to Betty's diner! What can I get ya'?"

Sam didn't even look up from his laptop. "Just some coffee for me please."

The waitress - her name tag said Jody - nodded and wrote it down on a small notebook, and when she looked up again she gave Dean a broad smile.

"What 'bout you sweetie?", her voice was sweet like honey, but Dean just gave her a quick look and didn't react to her obvious flirtation.

"I'll take the bacon-cheeseburger and a cup of coffee."

She nodded and looked a little disapointed when she wrote his order down.

"Got that, and your friend over there?", she nodded towards Cas who had been looking out of the window all of the time, probably not even knowing of the waitress presence.

"Cas?", Dean asked and slightly pulled at the angels sleeve. Castiels head turned and he gave Dean a questioning look, but then he saw the waitress and he seemed to understand.

"I don't e-"

"He takes the same as me.", Dean quickly said, giving the waitress a slight smile. She smiled back and wrote it down quickly.

"Kk' be back in a minute.", she said and left with a small wave.

Cas frowned at Dean and cocked his head to the side. "Dean, angels don't eat. Why did you order something for me?"

"Because even angels can use a burger in the morning sometimes.", Dean said with a broad grin, " _And_ I'd like to see you try one."

Castiel just sighed a little but didn't protest any longer. Until then neither of them had noticed that Dean was still holding onto the sleeve of Cas' trenchcoat, Dean quickly let go and looked down onto the table, so did Cas - but the angel was smiling.

"Well Sammy, what are you looking at?", Dean asked - probably just to break the awkward silence.

Sam looked up from the screen for the first time since they'd arrived.

"Uh nothing... Just the usual y'know? Strange deaths and stuff.", Sam said while slightly looking at Cas who nodded in approval. Dean felt the twist in his stomach again, not because of what Sam had said, but because of the look his brother was giving Cas.

 _Not. Jealous._ Dean reminded himself.

"Great", he mumbled, "Can't wait to smite some bitches ass."

"No", Sam and Cas said almost at the same time.

Deans shoulders slumped and he sighed. "C'mon guys! Seriously?!"

"Dean you almost died. I can't let you go on a hunt so soon after that.", Castiel said and the frown on his face told Dean that he was more than just serious about this.

"Oh come on!", Dean rolled his eyes. "Do you even know how often I died already?!"

Castiel narrowed his eyes at Dean and said person glared right back at him. Sam felt slightly uncomfortable sitting next to them while they were staring at eachother like that, it was almost as bad as their 'eye-fucking' - like Sam called it.

He could have kissed the waitress for interrupting them with bringing them their food and coffee. Dean turned his head away from Cas and looked at the waitress instead. She handed him his plate and the Cup of coffee and he muttered a quick thanks. The waitress went on with serving the food and coffee while Dean was already starting to eat. Not even seconds later she left with a quick 'call if you need me' and the three men settled into silence. Sam was staring at his laptop, taking an occasional sip of coffee, Dean ate his burger and Castiel just frowned at the plate in front of him.

When Dean looked up again he saw that Cas hadn't touched his food in the slightest anymore.

"Uh Cas, you know if you want to eat something you have to-"

"I know Dean.", the angel groaned.

Dean gave him a cocky grin. "Just Sayin'."

The angel gave him the death glare again before slowly pickinng up the burger. Even though Dean was still a little mad at Cas for forbiding him to hunt but he just had to laugh when he saw him eating. How couldn't he?

Cas sat there, eyebrows knitted together and looking concentrated as fuck, while slowly nibbling at his burger. Dean shook his head with a small smile and started eating again. It was silent again but this time it was rather comfortable since most of the tension from Cas' and Deans little 'fight' had disappeared almost completely.

Dean and Cas had finished their burgers and were now both looking out of the window.

"Guys", Sam said and broke the silence. He was still stareing at the screen but he looked a little confused right now.

"You wont believe what I just found."

* * *

 **A/N: Hey Deans Trench Coat Angel. How r u doin?**

 **I never thought that someone would actually wait for this to update but there you are and I really wanted to thank you for the huge Support! Sorry that this chapter is so crappy but hey, next chapter will be great I promise! You know why ;)**


	18. Batman and Robin

**Batman and Robin**

* * *

 **Is this new Gotham city?**

 **This is the question hundreds of inhabitants tried to answer over the last few weeks. The crime rate of our town dropped to zero when the criminals suddenly started to turn into victims. Until yesterday there were no deads, only bad injuries, but it was just yesterday evening when the first corpse was found.**

 **Our victim is no one else than Rick Shortley, or better known as 'the Joker'. The dangerous psychopath was found dead in his cell yesterday, covered in scratches and cuts. Other inmates said that they heard him scream in the middle of the night and that there were other high pitched noises. One of the men in a nearby cell told the police that he saw that bats came out of Shortleys cell. The police officers were not sure if this could be true or if it was just the imagination of a man that has been in jail too long, but the scratches on the could definately be the work of bats.**

 **So now the question remains: Batman, the Joker or just fake?**

Dean looked up from the screen and raised an eyebrow at Sam. The younger brother just shrugged.

"The Joker?"

"Yep."

"Bats?"

"Yes sir."

"Wow not really one of his greatest hits.", Dean said shoving his plate aside and taking out a few dollar bills.

"Hm.", Sam hummed, "Well I think it's a good one."

Castiel just sat there awkwardly with a frown on his face.

"How far?", Dean growled in a low voice that sent chills down the angels spine.

"'Bout four hours to go.", Sam mumbled absently while taking back his laptop. Dean slammed the dollar bills onto the table and gave Sam a wicked smile.

"Great, let's get this done!"

Sam narrowed his eyes and his eyebrows knitted together. "Dean you are not gonna hunt this asshat."

Dean tilted his head to the side and his brows furrowed. "What do you mean with 'Dean you're not gonna hunt'?! Of course I am! I'm waiting for this since the fucking mystery spot!"

Sam gave Dean a scolding look because Dean raised his voice a little too much. "Dean you almost died on the last hunt, I can't let you go after a freakin' demigod!"

Dean rolled his eyes and crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Oh c'mon Sammy! Do I look dead? I'm fine. And if I'm not hunting you're alone and the last thing I'll let you do is go after this dickward on your own. So you're gonna go with me or you're going not at all."

Sam glared at his stubborn brother for a while before closing his laptop with a sigh. "Okay. I'm in, but if anything is going wrong or you do something stupid I'll shove your god damn stubborn ass into the car and get the hell away from this jerk."

Dean grinned like a little child that just convinced his parents to buy him the toy he always wanted, and quickly got up from the seat. Sam grabbed his things and got up aswell. As the two hunters stood, they looked at Cas as if they wanted to ask why he wasn't getting up to. After a Moment the angel seemed to get the hint.

"Oh I'm just gonna teleport myself to this place. I have some angel stuff to do so uhm... I'll just come around later.", he said and gave Dean a barely visible smile.

Dean slightly nodded, "Okay Cas, we're gonna take a motel room. It's always the first motel in the phone book. It should be easy to find us."

"I'm sure I'll find you. Thank you Dean.", and then he was gone with a quiet rustle of wings.

Sam could have sworn that he saw how the smile on Deans face disappeared along with Cas but the elder Winchester turned away way too quick for Sam to see his reaction completely.

"C'mon Sammy we've got a bitch to smite.", he yelled over his shoulder and left the diner.

* * *

They were already driving for half an hour and the only noises that could be heard were the Impalas engine and the sound of ACDC blasting out of the sterio. Sam had been looking out of the window all the time they were driving, thinking about this and that. He turned his head to Dean and suddenly there was this question that popped up in his mind.

"Dean?", he asked quietly.

"Hm?"

"How do you feel about Cas?"

Deans head snapped around, his eyebrows knitted together. His voice was wary when he said, "What do you mean with that?"

Sam shrugged. "Uh I don't know I just wanna know. So?"

Dean sighed and bit his lip. "To be honest?"

He thought about it for a second.

"I don't know Sam. I don't know how I feel about Cas. There is so much I feel right now, and so much I don't understand. I like him, I even trust him, I'm grateful and ... I miss him. Sam he saved me, repeatedly and somehow I think that I mean something to him. Maybe it's just me imagining something that I want to be true or I really mean something to Castiel. I- I feel better whenever he's around and - I miss him. I miss him when he's gone. It's ridiculous! Even right now I - I feel like something's wrong because he ... he isn't here. I never felt like this before Sam and I ... I don't know if I like it or not. It's like being on drugs and this drug named Castiel keeps tearing me apart. It's not like with any other girl I've been with before ... Not even Lisa made me feel so ... strange. God Castiel even made me jealous! There's something about him that I just claim for myself you know? I claim him as mine and I have no idea why, because no matter how much I want it to be different he's a stranger. I barely know him and the fact that the two of us are having this conversation is just crazy. I'm Dean Winchester, I don't have feelings and certainly not for _men._ So my answer is, I don't know. I really _don't know_ how I feel about Cas."

Dean thought about saying it, he really did, but in the end he didn't do it. Sure if he was honest and told Sam the things he had been putting together in mind, his brother wouldn't go further. When it was about Deans feelings Sam had learned to keep it down. But Dean wasn't going to tell him the truth, no.

"Uh don't know I barely know the guy but I guess we're friends."

Sam nodded, obviously accepting this as answer. The younger Winchester looked out of the window again and Dean reached out to turn up the volume.

Ironically it was ACDCs 'let me put love into you' that was now blurting out of the sterio loudly. Dean couldn't help but hum along as he hit the gas pedal. Soon he'd be with Cas again.

He didn't even know how fast he was driving.

* * *

Dean was sleeping and Sam was already about to go to sleep himself when the familiar rustle of wings made him jump. He turned around and saw Castiel a broad smile plastered all over his face. This was the first, real, genuine smile Castiel had ever given him. In his hand he was holding a tone can, an antique can.

"Cas you o-"

"I found him.", the angel blurted out. Sams eyes went wide and his mouth fell open.

"You... ?!", Sam didn't come further because he broke off into relieved laughter. Castiel nodded, still grinning. "Wow, where... where is he?"

"He's here! In _this_ town! Probably the thing you came here for.", the angel said nonchalant.

"Wait, what?!", Sam shook his head firmly, "No, no. That has to be a mistake. This thing is no angel, leave alone an angel that would help us!"

"Sam I found this signature you were talking about, I'm one hundred percently sure that this is Gabriel."

Sam bit his lip. "Are you really one hundred percently sure? Maybe this 'signature' is something else."

"Sam it checked it out. The 'signature' is something that humans would probably call waves of celestial energie, they are here, everywhere. The crimescenes are full of them."

Sam swallowed hard and nodded. So it was the Trickster. Gabriel was the Trickster.

"Okay what... What do we do now?"

"We are gonna prepare the motel room for Phase B."

Sam slowly nodded.

Phase B, or how Sam called it: _How to trap an archangel._

* * *

Dean woke up on something like Stone, feeling cold and uncomfortable. In the corner of his eye he saw something black and there was a strange weight on his head. Besides, he could have sworn that he had gone to bed in a t-shirt, but he definately felt heavy fabric clinging to his skin. He groaned a little and sat himself up. He opened up his eyes just enough to see that _this_ was not the motel room.

It was dark, he barely saw the sharp outlines of stone walls. In the distance he heard the sound of flowing water. He opened his eyes a little further and as his eyes started to adjust to the darkness he started to recognize his sorroundings.

He was in the Batcave. THE FUCKING _BATCAVE_!

Dean let his hands trail over the cold stone, he knew what was going on and that it was not funny, but fucking hell! He was in the Batcave and he was gonna savor it. Just for a second.

He spotted his sleeping brother next to him. It took him everything not to burst out into laughter when he saw Sam curled up on the stone in shorts, thights and a strange looking shirt, a yellow cape spread across the floor behind him and his face halfway hidden under a mask.

Dean crawled over to him and giggled a little when he grabbed his brothers shoulders and shook them firmly.

"Sam, Sammy! Hey, wake up ... SAAAAM somebody put you into booty shorts!", Dean whispered, "Sammy, Saaaaaaammy..."

The younger Winchester groaned and tried to get rid of the grip on his shoulder. Dean gave him another shake and Sam eventually opened his eyes. He gasped a little at the sight of Dean.

"What...?", Dean asked but when he looked down at himself he gasped a little aswell.

"Sammy...", Dean said as he looked up again a shit eating grin on his face, "I'm Batman!"

Sam just rolled his eyes at his brother and started to get up. The younger brother took a look at himself groaned. "This little shit... Dean where is he? Did you see him?"

"Hey don't be so mean kiddo! Those costumes where one hell of work!", a voice said before Dean could answer.

Sams eyes fell onto the silhoutte of a man hiding halfway in the shadows, he almost didn't see him but the glint of his eyes betrayed him. The Trickster.

"Dean! I see you've recovered, how nice.", it came out of the shadows. Sam looked at his brother. Deans lips formed a thin line and his fists were clenched.

"Bite me.", he hissed through gritted teeth. Sam could hear an annoyed sigh come out of the shadow. The Trickster flipped his fingers, that was all he had to do to make Dean disappear.

"Dean?!", Sam shouted as he searched the room for Dean, starting to panic a little. When he turned around again the Trickster had stepped out of the shadow and had positioned himself in front of Sam. He was dressed in a tight-fitting green suit and Sam really tried not to stare. He tore his eyes off the suit and kept on eyeing the man in front of him up. The bowler hat that covered most of his almost golden hair was also green and his face was halfway hidden under a mask.

"Hello Samsquatch."

"Where is he?!", Sam yelled.

"Hey, whoa, easy! Easy!", the Trickster said and held up his hands, "He's somewhere in the town. Sorry he annoyed me."

Sam swallowed hard. This was the situation they had prepared for last night. They had drawn a circle of holy oil on the floor and marked it up with a cross of white tape, but when Sam searched the floor for the cross he didn't find anything but stone.

"Okay maybe I'm not sorry, but that's not the point!"

Sam narrowed his eyes at him but then he started searching the floor again.

"Is it me getting sloppy or is it you two yahoos getting better?"

Sam ignored him completely.

With a sigh the Trickster continued talking. "Well Sam, why aren't you trying to kill me already? I mean isn't that what you were looking forward to eversince we met last?"

Sam already wanted to say something when he saw something near his foot. As he looked closer he recognized it as a leftover of the tape cross.

"C'mon Samantha! Talk to me!"

Sams eyes flicked over to the torch that was suspended to the wall on his right before he looked at the man again that stood just a few feet away. Now the most important thing was to distract him.

"Because I... I k- know who you are. And I - I need your h-help.", Sam stuttered.

The smaller man cocked his head to the side a little in a manner that reminded Sam a little of Cas. "What do you mean 'who you are'? Do you mean the costume?"

"No I mean that your little hide 'n seek game is over _Gabriel._ ", he said and crossed his arms in front of his chest. He saw how every colour drained from his face.

"What did you just say?", his normally confident voice sounded strangely quiet now.

Sam smiled triumphantly, "Oh you mean your name? 'Gabriel'?"

Now Gabriel was the one who didn't answer.

"You owe us one and since your douchebag of brother messed with Deans head, I know exactly what you could do to make it up!"

Now he had him. The blonde man nearly jumped at Sams throat. Gabriel walked up close to Sam and pulled him down by the collar of his shirt. His eyes were glinting with rage.

"Don't you ever, EVER dare to speek about my family again!", he yelled. Sam just smirked.

"You really _are_ getting sloppy."

Before Gabriel knew what happened Sam had already ripped the torch off the wall. Soon both man were trapped in a blazing circle.

Gabriels eyes widened and he let go of Sam immediatly. His eyes fixed the flames and his nostrils flared in anger.

"Let me out.", Gabriel growled in a low voice.

Sam had never heard Gabriel talk like that. The man was completely furious and the look in his eyes was just as burning as the flames that were surrounding them. Sam felt his palms go sweaty and there was a strange warmth in his guts.

"Not until you promise me to help us."

"LET. ME. OUT.", Gabriel demanded his voice just getting rougher. Sam felt a stinging tingle in his veins when he heard the archangel talking. THIS VOICE! DAMN IT!

"No."

The smaller man cried out in anger. He took his hat and threw it on the ground, kicking it and yelling in a language Sam didn't understand.

"Fine!", he eventually said, while tugging a few unwilling strands of blonde hair back to their place. "I'll do it."

Sam smiled meanly.

"BUT"

Aaaand the smile disappeared again.

"You have to do something for me aswell. _What exactly_ is my choice."

Sams brow furrowed but he didn't argue, he just nodded.

"Great, we have a deal than. NOW LET ME OUT!"

Sam ripped off the cape of his costume and threw it over the flames to kill the fire.

"Thank god.", Gabriel sighed, "See you later Samster."

Sam turned around just quick enough to see Gabriel waving before he flipped his fingers again.

The next thing Sam saw was his brother, arms crossed in front of his chest, green eyes glinting in anger under the black mask.

Shit.

* * *

 **A/N: Hello guys!**

 **I'm sorry that the chapter is up late but I didn't really manage to write it down in time. Well anyways, I have holiday now I'm able to write more ;)**

 **Thank you all for reading this Story and Special thanks to Kigen Dawn, Michelle Fanfic, Tiddo-Mus and OF COURSE Deans Trench Coat Angel.**

 **(Tiddo-mus the review you wrote was really damn cute thank you really much, it made my day :) )**

* * *

 **Deans Trench Coat Angel:**

 **Heyho!**

 **Aaaaand? Whatcha thinking of this chapter? (Gabe for the wins XD)**

 **Okay well my other best friend demanded to read your Reviews and she laughed really hard XD, well she likes you. She was like: She's damn right this Story Needs more Sabriel!**

 **Also: It's not that much of a Problem that you read the chapter a little later I'm okay with it ;)** **And I even forgive you for not updating your Story because come on, how could I be mad, you deserve a life too. XD (sorry that was mean)**

 **Well I guess that was it for now XD**

 **See ya**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Heya Guys!**

 **I wont be able to post a chapter next week because I'm not at home (sorry 'bout that).**

 **Yeah well last chapter has been Kind of a bitch but this one is gonna be great! I promise.  
** **Special thanks to everyone who followed or favorited this Story and of Course to Tiddo-mus, Kigen Dawn and Deans trench coat angel for your awsome Reviews!**

 **(*coughs* note at the end for Deans trench coat angel *coughs*)**

 **I hope you enjoy this as much as I did.  
** **Love y'all.**

* * *

"Sammy please tell me you didn't do that."

"Dean I had to... "

"And would you please tell me _why_ you had to? Because I wont accept that as explanation. You just let him slip through your fingers!", Dean growled and frowned at his younger brother.

Sam rubbed his forehead and sighed "Dean I- I can't te-"

"Yes you can.", the older Winchester snapped and crossed his arms again. Sam bit his lip, if Gabriel kept his word, Dean would remember it again anyways so why shouldn't he tell him?

"Dean listen... it- it's a long story, something you don't remember... you-"

Sam got cut off by Cas, who suddenly appeared next to Dean. He gave Sam a warningly look before turning to Dean.

"Dean are you okay? Are you hurt? You look ... different.", Castiel asked a little concerned as he eyed up Dean in the costume - he had to admit that it suited Dean quite well.

Dean groaned a little, "Yeah but I'd be even better if someone finally told me what the HELL is going on here!"

Sam and Cas exchanged a look. Sam nodded into Deans direction in an encouraging manner but Cas just shook his head.

"Dean do you trust me?", the angel asked instead and Dean turned his gaze towards Dean again, looking into the vivid green of his eyes.

Dean furrowed his brow, "Yes o-of Course I do but w-"

"You have to trust me _right now,_ Dean. It's better when you don't know it... _yet._ I promise that I'll tell you soon but just... please just trust me."

The hunter bit his lip, "Cas-"

"Please...", Castiel whispered. Dean looked into his eyes and sighed a little.

"Okay, fine!", Dean said reluctantly, "Listen: I'll go to the bathroom and change out of this-", he pointed at the costume he still was wearing, "And _then_ you two are gonna tell me the truth. 'K?"

Both, Cas and Sam nodded as Dean walked over to grab the duffelbag from under his bed. Castiel waited until Dean had disappeared into the bathroom, door shut behind him.

"What did he say?!", he blurted out.

Sam chuckled slightly. "He agreed. He's gonna help us."

Castiels tears sparkled in Cas' eyes and a broad grin spread across his face. "He ...?! Really?!"

Sam nodded with a broad smile. Castiel beamed at him.

"Thank you... this is- this is more then I've ever expected."

"It's really not a big deal Cas... I just had to trap him and agree to his condition so uhm... "

"What condition?", Castiel asked immediatly and frowned at Sam. Sam didn't answer.

"Oh god Sam! You shouldn't have done this... I should have known that Gabriel wouldn't help us without a reward...", Castiel ran a hand through his hair in panic.

"Cas it's okay! It's worth it. You love Dean, right?"

Castiel nodded.

"Then it's worth it."

Cas' eyes fell onto a Piece of paper that laid on Sams bed. "What's that? It hasn't been there a few minutes ago."

Sam frowned and looked at his bed aswell. With two long steps he walked over to the bed and picked up what turned out to be an envelope. _'To Samsquatch'_ was written on it in clean handwriting.

Crap.

He opened the envelope and pulled out the letter.

 _Dear Samantha,_

 _I forgot to tell you what my condition is so I'm just gonna tell you in this letter._

"Crap.", Sam said as he read what Gabriel had sent him. "Crap, crap, crap."

Castiel cocked his head to the side a little, "What's the matter Sam?"

Sam looked up from the paper, "This Jerk wants to go on a date with me."

* * *

Sam ran a hand through his long hair.

 _I can handle this, I can handle this... I can handle this._

"Sam you don't have to-"

"Cas I'm going to do it. It's not like I want to but it's the only way to get Deans memories back, besides: I wont die because of a bad date...", Sam said and forced a smile.

"Sam are you sure?"

The hunter looked down onto the paper again.

 _Deal or no deal? If you say no, I wont keep my word aswell,_ it said.

"Yes I'm sure Cas. I've done worse things."

The angel nodded. "Okay then there's still this problem with Dean..."

Sam put the paper aside and crossed his arms in front of his chest. "We should tell him Cas. I mean he'll know soon anyways."

"But ...", Castiel looked down onto his hands.

"I know that you're afraid of what he'll say but he'll rip us into pieces if we don't tell him... Cas he's not gonna push you away, I promise."

The angel turned away so that Sam wouldn't see his face. "How would you know?"

Sam heard the hurt in the angels voice, "Cas I- ... I could do it. I could tell him and then I'll tell you what he said."

"You mean I should leave?"

Sam swallowed hard, "Y-Yes... It would be less painful _if_ Dean really does react like you think."

"Thank you Sam...", the angel muttered and turned to look at Sam again. Tears were shining in blue eyes and a few of them were already running down his pale skin. Castiel walked past Sam as if he wanted to leave but the tall man stopped the angel before he could disappear.

"Cas you may need that.", Sam said and held up one of his mobile phones. "We can comunicate through this, it's easier than praying. If it starts to Play a tune just press the green button. Okay?"

Castiel nodded and took the phone.

When Castiel disappeared with this rustling noise, the bathroom door swung open and Dean stepped out. He dropped his things when he looked around and wasn't able to find Castiel anywhere.

"Sam where the he-"

"Dean we gotta talk."

* * *

"How long do you think you were in hell?", Sam asked and sat down on his bed.

Dean raised an eyebrow at the strange question, "I dunno, felt like an eternity but when I got out I checked the date so uhm... four months I guess? Why you askin'?"

"Because you're wrong. You weren't in hell for _four_ but for _three_ months. Dean, there's something you don't remember."

Deans breath caught. So he had been right, there really was something he didn't remember. He had thought about it often but now that it was confirmed he felt somehow... scared. What was it that he didn't remember?

He sat down on his bed aswell and nodded slightly to show Sam to go on.

"Okay well partly it's about hell, Castiel erased them..."

Deans eyes widened at the mention of Cas' Name. "When did- when did he do that?"

Sam sighed quietly, "In the month you don't remember. Dean you- "

Sam was shut by a loud knock on the door. Deans brow furrowed and he turned to face the door.

"What the hell? Have you any idea who that might be?"

The younger Winchester started to panic, his gaze turned towards the clock. 6.01 pm.

 _I'll pick you up at six Samantha, wear your nicest Dress,_ the letter had said.

"Shit.", Sam muttered as he got up, "Dean please don't freak out."

Dean got up aswell and followed his brother to the door, "Why would I freak out? Sam wha-"

But Sam had already pulled open the door and the two brothers were standing in front of a broadly grinning Gabriel.

"Heya Sammy."

* * *

"Sam what the hell?!", Dean yelled at his younger brother as the smaller man pushed inside. Gabriel looked around in the room a little and Sam pulled his older brother aside.

"Dean listen you just have to stay here with Gabriel for a minute okay? I- I can't explain that right now I have to change out of this costume-"

Sam wanted to grab his things and run off into the bathroom but Dean stopped him.

"Did you just call him Gabriel what do you mean with that?! Would you just explain me what's going on here?!"

Sam sighed a little, "Dean I-"

"I'll explain him.", Gabriel cut off Sam, "Just go Change, I'm not gonna go on a date with someone in a Robin costume."

"Wait, did he just say date?!"

Sam rubbed a hand over his forehead, "Gabriel you explain that, I'm gonna change now."

With those words Sam grabbed his bag and shut himself in the bathroom. Dean crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"Dean. Looks like we have a little bit to talk about."

* * *

"So let me get this right, you are an archangel..."

"Yup. Gabriel, nice to meet you."

"And you are the only one who is able to give me my memories back?"

"Well not _the only one_ but yeah, the only one who is nice enough to help you."

"And in exchange for my memories you want Sam to go on a date with you?"

"Exactly."

Dean ran a hand through his hair, "Dude this whole thing is so fucked up."

"Yeah I know."

"Then why are you helping me?", Dean asked and sat down on his bed again.

"Well I owe one to everyone who I killed more than ten times and I don't know... maybe I want Sam to like me.", Gabriel muttered.

"Wait.. What?"

"I said that your brother trapped me in a fucking circle of holy fire and I wanted to get out, god damn it."

The bathroom door swung open again and Sam stepped out, tossing his duffelbag onto his bed. He threw a look at Gabriel who stood in front of Dean. The blond man had changed out of the Riddler costume and into a plain white dress shirt - wich fitted perfectly by the way - and a pair of dark blue jeans. Reluctantly Sam tore his eyes off Gabriel.

"So what are we gonna do now?", the younger Winchester said and crossed his arms.

"Well first I gotta take a look at your brothers head and see what I can do.", Gabriel answered.

Sam nodded and took a look at Dean who looked a little nervous. Gabriel stepped a little closer to Dean.

"This may pinch a little.", Gabriel said before placing both of his hands on Deans temples. Dean gasped and his eyes fluttered closed.

Sam watched them with a sceptic frown on his face.

"That was Raphi hu?", Gabriel muttered after a while.

"Yes it was Raphael... how did you know?"

"Well Raphael isn't the best one of us when it's about erasing memories. I mean, sure it works but his technique is rather sloppy... look, here! Leftovers of memories, there and there and here and- oh right you can't see that."

Gabriel removed his hands from Deans forehead and turned to Sam with a smirk. "It's gonna be easy."

Sam sighed relieved, "Wow great... thank you..."

"No problem Samster.", Gabriel said and turned to Dean again who was slightly swaying.

The archangel put two fingers onto Deans forehead. Sam stood and watched as Deans eyes started glowing in a shiny golden colour.

"What happens now?"

"Oh that? That's just the month of memories he lost running through his brain in fastplay.", Gabriel explained and returned his fingers from Deans forehead on wich the elder Winchester dropped to the bed. "So we gotta go now or what? I'm starving!"

* * *

It took Gabriel a while to get Sam out of the Motel room. He didn't want to leave Dean alone, but in the end Gabriel managed to get him out and into the diner across the street. Even though Sam insisted on leaving a note for Dean to should call Cas on the phone Sam had given him.

"Well well Sam. Since this is my first date ever and I mean _ever,_ I'm gonna start with some of those first date lines."

Sam didn't react to anything Gabriel was saying. He just sat there, arms crossed in front of his chest and eyes pinned to the table (he didn't really want to look at Gabriel because he knew that he wouldn't be able to look away again - but that was not the Point ... right?)

"So, do you come here often?", Gabriel asked with a flirtatious smirk. Sam still wasn't looking up. Gabriel groaned a little.

"C'mon Sam! Don't ignore me! What's your Problem?"

Sam eventually looked up but his eyes were freezing. "Gabriel, sure, I'm grateful that you're helping us with the memories and all but... I can't just ignore what you've done before. You killed Dean, hundreds of times. You killed people, hurt people. Gabriel you're a monster, I- I can't simply brush that off."

When Sam realised what he had just said, it was already too late. Sam could see how the smile on Gabriels face dropped and this unique mischievous spark left his eyes.

"Tell me you didn't say that you ... you - you didn't ...", Gabriel stuttered in disbelief, "Did you ... you- you called me a monster..."

Sam started to panic, "Gabriel-"

"No Sam... no. That was - that was the worst thing you could've said. I- I thought you might be different, I thought you- I thought you'd understand. I know that I hurt People and of course I know that it was wrong, but don't you think that some of them deserved it? Sam, they were psychopaths, murderers, thiefs... do you think someone would've missed them, or that someone would've pitied them?", Gabriel sighed and Sam could see the hurt in his eyes, "I tried to be good... I really did and that, that was the best I could do... punish those who hurt others."

Sam listened closely and felt more guilty with every word Gabriel said.

"Sam my whole life the people I loved tried to change me. They were ashamed of me they- they called me monster. I remember heaven and my brothers, I remember every day, they always criticized me. 'Don't do that Gabriel', 'Dad taught us better than that.'... 'You're a monster Gabriel'. I couldn't take it anymore, I ran away and - and they didn't even care. Everyone I loved, everyone I let come near me called me monster at some point, but I thought you would know how much that hurts. I know everything about your past, everything you did and everything you _are_ , but I'd never have called you monster."

Sam looked down onto his hands. He knew how Gabriel felt and now he couldn't believe that he had actually done that.

"I- I expected more of you..."

Suddenly Gabriel started laughing, but it wasn't genuine. It was desperate. "Stupid Gabriel... what was I thinking?"

The blond man rubbed a hand over his forehead and Sam shifted uncomfortably. "Gabriel?"

Neither did Gabriel look up, nor did he say something.

"Gabriel I'm so sorry, I wasn't thinking about what I said and ... oh god I'm so stupid."

Again the archangel remained silent. Sam didn't know what to do. They sat in complete silence for a while, but then Sam finally had an idea and he prayed to god it would work.

"Reset button?"

Gabriel slightly looked up, but just to throw a death glare at Sam, "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Well you talked about those first date things earlier, the 'reset button' is one of them. When you mess something up on a date and you really, really regret it, you can do as if it never happened- as long as your date agrees. So, what do you think?", Sam said and gave him a small smile.

"So you... you regret what you said?", Gabriel asked in disbelief.

Sam nodded, "Yes I do. I'm so sorry I- I just wasn't thinking about what I said. I know how you feel and I'm sorry, please give me another chance. I'll try my best to make this the best date ever!"

Gabriel bit his lip and thought about it for a while.

"Okay.", he said eventually and forced a small smile.

"Great.", Sam beamed at him, "Okay... Hi! I'm Sam, Sam Winchester."

Gabriel chuckled slightly when he saw the goofy grin on Sams face. "My name is Gabriel. Nice to meet ya."

"Gabriel mh? Has anyone ever told you that you look really good in this shirt?"

Gabriel bursted out into laughter. "You're cute, do you come here often?"

* * *

It really was the best date Sam had ever had. Gabe was funny, sweet, sometimes he was actually adorable but sometimes he still was this cocky son of a bitch Sam had gotten to know all those years before - and to be honest, Sam loved it.

They had ordered, eaten and drunk - especially Gabe - and now they were just sitting there, talking and laughing at things the other one had said. It was already late when they left the diner, still chatting and laughing.

Gabriel walked close to Sam so that their arms were brushing every now and then. They arrived at the motel door and Sam turned to face Gabriel once more.

"Well that was..."

"Perfect?", Gabriel finished Sams sentence and Sam chuckled.

"Yeah exactly."

Gabriel smiled at Sam, "You know what I heard? Someone told me that you never should kiss someone on the first date. Is that true?"

"Yeah it's kind of the number one date rule."

Gabriel smirked and shrugged. "Great, because I don't give a fuck about rules."

Before Sam could realise what Gabriel had said the smaller man pulled him down by his collar and crashed their lips together. Sam was surprised at first, but then he quickly wrapped his arms around Gabes waist and pulled him closer. Gabriel slightly bit down onto Sams bottom lip before pulling back reluctantly.

"That was..."

"Better than expected?", Sam finished Gabes sentence. Both of them started to laugh.

"A+ for you Samster."

Sam smiled at him and eventually let go of the smaller man.

"You commin' round tomorrow?", Sam asked as he unlocked the door.

"Of course I will.", Gabe said softly, "Say hi to Dean for me."

Before Sam could say something else Gabriel was gone. Sam smiled to himself as he opened the door.

* * *

He nearly dropped his keys.

Deans bed was empty, his Laptop was open and on Deans bed, the Impala wasn't in the parking lot. Everything that Dean had left in the room was his mobile phone.

Sam ran over to his laptop, silently swearing. It showed on of those 'track my phone' sides on the Internet, the red dot marked a place by the nerby shore. When Sam looked at the number Dean had been tracking, he recognized the number of his second phone, the one he had given Cas.

Sam quickly fished his phone out of his pocket and dialed Cas' number. He picked up at the third ring.

"Hello?", Cas asked from the other end, sounding a little confused.

"Cas! Good, you picked up. Listen, Dean he - he is gone he-"

Castiel cut him off. "What?! Where did he go?!"

"He - he tracked your phone I guess he's on the way to you."

No one answered.

"Cas? Cas?!"

And then the line was empty.

* * *

 **A/N to Deans trench coat angel : C'mon, say you loved it because I know you loved it. XD**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Here we are, chapter twenty - I actually never thought I'd come this far with this Story.  
** **I want to thank everyone who favorited and followed this Story so far and all those who reviewed the last 19 chapters, you all mean a lot to me!**

 **Dear Dean's Treanch Coat Angel,** **since you updated today aswell I thought, 'why not, if I've got something new to read, I'm going to give her something to read too!'. So yeah, here you go. I think this turned out pretty awsome so, enjoy ;)**

 **An Patzi (weil ich weiß dass du das hier liest): Wehe du schreibst hier wieder irgendwas mit der Anrede 'Du kleiner Mongo' drunter. P.S.: I sssmelllll Dessstiel. XD**

 **So let's get it on, and may many more chapters follow! - So just for the record: THIS IS NOT THE LAST CHAPTER (don't Panic)**

* * *

Castiel stood and watched the waves crush against the pier he was standing on. The water seemed to be nearly black in the faint moonlight.

His head was spinning, too much questions, too many thoughts. _Why wasn't Sam calling? Was this 'phone' Sam had given him defect? Did something go wrong? Did Gabriel not keep his promise? Or what if Sam told Dean and he was disusted and didn't want to remember?_ He shook his head, trying to get rid of those thoughts. What was he so afraid of?

Actually he knew the answer. Dean had acted real strange ever since he had been send down to earth, he was not the same he was back then. He stabbed him the first time he saw him, he drank a lot, he had yelled at him, had ... had slept with Anna... Of Course he didn't remember, of course he didn't know of what this caused him, but still. Was that really Dean? He acted like someone else. What if this person, this person that could be so cruel, wouldn't love him like _his_ Dean did, even if he remembered?

He tried not to think of it, but it sneaked into his mind again and again. Every heartbeat had a name, _Dean._

Trying to distract himself he thought of the time they had spent in heaven. Their conversations, the time they spent together... the evening Dean told him that he loved him. He still got butterflies when he thought of this night, but they were always accompanied by a stinging pain in his heart. It had been their last evening together, before Raphael...

He sighed heavily. No matter what he did to distract himself he always ended up feeling terrible. For a while he just looked at the stars, trying not to think or feel anything but it was harder than usually. _Dean._ He couldn't help but repeat his name over and over again.

 _As if that would help...,_ he thought frustrated.

Lost in thoughts, he nearly missed the quiet sound of wings rustling behind him. He turned around slowly, he could think of hundreds of angels that could possibly be standing behind him right now. He expected anyone, anyone but _her._

She caught him offguard but he quickly put on a straight face again, trying to force all the upcoming emotions to the back of his mind. "Anna.", he said, his voice freezing.

A small smile played around her pale lips. "Hello Castiel."

He narrowed his eyes and glared at her angrily. "What do you want?", he asked straight ahead, not minding any courtesies.

She didn't seem to mind. "I wanted to talk to you Castiel."

He clenched his jaw. "So?"

Anna attempted to take a step towards him but he took a step back at the same time. She sighed and shook her head. "Castiel I'm sorry. I didn't know about you two, it was ... "

"Oh don't you dare call him a mistake.", he hissed before he could stop himself. She swallowed hardly and nodded. "Of Course, sorry."

Castiel snorted and turned away. "Yeah sure, make yourself believe that. You're far beyond careing."

"Castiel, I need you to stay objective.", she said as she walked around him so that she was facing him again. He eyed her up suspiciously. "For what?"

Castiel saw how she bit her lip hesitantly. "Anna. For. What?"

"I have this idea.", she started slowly, picking her words with care. "This - ", she stopped, trying to figure a matching word. "- Dictatorship in heaven... it's unfair, it takes every kind of freedom they have, leaves them with nothing but orders. Castiel you know how that is? Don't you think they deserve a life aswell? Freedom? I could give it to them if I just was powerful enough. They could have a choice Castiel"

"They don't even know what that is!", he snapped, "I see what you're up to and it alarms me. Anna, that wouldn't go well-"

"I'm not asking for your permission.", she interrupted him calmly. He furrowed his brow and cocked his head to the side, as if to answer an unspoken question she added: "I'm asking you to join me."

"What? No."

"Castiel, we are far more alike than you may th-", she attempted but Castiel cut her off, now completely outraged.

"No, no! We are not alike. Hell, there isn't even a 'we'.", he groweled and glared at her furiously. "You don't get it, do you? Disobeying is a choice you make, and so is taking the freedom you want or trying to have feelings. All those who have fallen made them and that is their will, those who didn't were happy with the life they had. What you are up to is not better than the things Michael and Raphael do. You want to force your will on them, but it's their will a leader should be taking care of."

She smiled faintly and crossed his arms. "See? That's why I want you. The others are soldiers, but you? You are special."

Castiel didn't respond to that. He walked past her, towards the edge of the pier, trying to shut her out. But of course she followed him, even if she stayed a little behind him and didn't intrude his field of vision again.

"Castiel please think about it."

He chuckled bitterly. "I don't have to think about it Anna. I don't go anywhere."

She snorted, now definatly starting to loose her patience. "Is it because of those humans?" When Castiel didn't answer she must've taken it as a 'yes'. "Sure, Dean had his Moments and Sam was nice aswell but this is an opportunity that you'll never have again. Think about it."

"I said no. Anna.", he groweled. "It's not because of Sam or... or Dean. It's because I don't think you see the whole picture of this. It would mean war and you would be on the loosing side, so no. No, I'm not going anywhere."

He could hear her sigh behind him, "Castiel I wish you hadn't said that."

Castiel knew what she would do next, he knew her too well for her to trick him. So when Anna took a step forward, her arm extended, the blade in her hand hit nothing but air. She was too slow, it was easy for Castiel to plug the angelblade into her ribcage. A choked scream escaped her when her jaw dropped and everything around them was ingulfed by a blinding light. Castiel pulled back the blade and heard her body hit the surface of the water just seconds later. With a heavy sigh he wiped the blood off his blade on his trench coat.

"Yeah and I wish you hadn't done _that_."

He had just killed an angel, one of his kind. He never thought that it would come this far. And the worst part of it: He didn't even feel bad. He killed Anna because she would've killed him if he hadn't done anything, but now that he thought about it, she deserved it. And he wasn't ever going to regret his actions.

It was right that Michael and Raphael needed to be stopped, but not like that. If someone wanted to free heaven from a dictatorship they shouldn't lead them straight into the next one. No, if someone wanted to give them freedom, they should leave them the choice to decide...

In this moment he made a decision, one that would change everything. He was going to free heaven, but he was going to do it his way.

A loud noise ripped him out of his thoughts. It took him a few seconds to realise that it was the phone that Sam had given him. He quickly took the phone out of his pocket, his hand suddenly shaking. He remembered that he had to push the green button, but because of the lack of light he couldn't really make out any colour. In the end he just pushed any button, hoping that it would work.

"Hello?", he asked a little confused, while trying to figure out how to hold the phone. He heard a quiet hum in the distance but tried to ignore it.

An utterly nervous Sam answered him. "Cas! Good, you picked up. Listen, Dean he- he is gone he-", but Cas cut him off.

"What?! Where did he go?!", he screamed. Dean. Dean. Dean. Again there was nothing else he could think of. What if something happened to him, what if he - ? The hum grew louder with every second that passed. He turned his head to see where it came from and thats when he saw it, when he saw the two headlights that were flitting through the night. He knew whose headlights they were and his heart nearly stopped.

He barely heard what Sam was saying, something about tracked phones or something like that, everything he heard was the hum of the Impalas engine that came closer and closer until it stopped. He let the hand with the phone sink, he could hear Sam say his name, but it was just a whisper compared to the hammering of his heart. Absently he pushed the other button, the one that would end the conversation and dropped it to the floor. He didn't even realise that he was walking towards the place where the car had stopped, down the pier and over the sandy ground.

The door of the drivers seat was opened and a silhouette exited the car. He didn't need to look twice to see that it was Dean, even if his entire body was covered in darkness, Castiel could sense his soul. He would recognize him anywhere.

"Dean! Are you okay? Are you hurt? Why did you run away?"

No answer. Dean just stood there, trying to breathe normally but Castiel knew that he had been crying.

"Dean. Please answer me I need to know what happened.", Castiel said, his voice thick as if he was on the verge of crying himself. And he was, he really was.

Again Dean remained silent. He took a few steps until the headlights lightened his figure up. His face almost made Castiel fall to his knees.

His green eyes were glinting with tears, his cheeks red and around his eyes a little swollen. But the most heartbreaking thing about his expression was his smile. This soft, little smile, the one he knew so well that he could see it when he closed his eyes, the smile that was reserved for only him. _His_ smile.

That was the moment when he realised that Dean remembered. That everything was fine. That they made it.

"Dean I-", his voice cracked and he couldn't hold back the tears anymore. Dean took another few steps towards him, until he was right in front of him.

"I know Cas... I love you too."

Castiel looked up at him, tears streaming down his face, and smiled at him. He cupped Deans face with both of his hands and closed his eyes for a few seconds.

"I missed you so much.", he whispered as quiet as possible.

He heared Dean chuckle quietly, "I missed you too angel. I missed you too..."

Castiel took a deep breath, taking in Deans scent. Leather, gun powder and cheap collonge. Dean wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close, held him tight, as if he never wanted to let go. He slowly leaned in, so slow that Cas could feel his breath on his skin.

When their lips finally met it was like someone took all the weight that had rested on his shoulders for far too long and threw it into the ocean behind them. He felt like he was finally whole again, the part of him that died when they took away Dean was now coming back.

For a few minutes they just stood there, kissing and whispering 'I love you's to one another. Dean was there, with him, he was back, he remembered, _he loved him._

Everything was fine again.


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: Okay, shame on me for not getting this up in time! I was busy this Weekend and didn't make it sooner, so sorry 'bout that.**

 **Here you go, I hope you enjoy this rather fluffy chapter.**

* * *

"So you two are okay?"

"Yes Sam, we're fine."

They had called Sam as soon as they had found the phone again. Cas had dropped right on the spot when he had seen Dean. He had been asking if they were okay for like five minutes straight now and slowly it was getting a little annoying. He threw a look over to Dean, searching for any kind of help. The hunter laughed and withdrew the hand Castiel had been holding to take the phone out of his other hand.

"Stop annoying my boyfriend Sammy. We're fine okay?", Dean said with a smirk, not taking his eyes off Cas. The angel felt his face heat up at the word 'boyfriend', but still, it made his heart race.

 _"I'm not annoying anyone, I was just worried! I mean you just vanished and he just hung up in the middle of a call!"_ , came Sams answer in a slightly upset tone.

Dean laughed brightly. "Naaaaaw, is Sammy-Boy angry?"

Castiel chuckled lightly, on wich Dean gave him _the_ smile. He could hear Sam rant about Dean being an ass, but Dean simply ignored it. He leaned in to give Cas a quick kiss. Sadly they were soon ripped apart from a loud noise, that turned out to be Sam yelling into the speaker.

Dean sighed and backed up, putting the phone back to his ear again. "Yeah, I'm listin' Sam."

Dean groaned a few times and rolled his eyes. "Whatever, we'll be back soon 'k?"

The angel didn't hear what Sam said but Dean snorted and mumbled, "Bitch", before hanging up. Dean looked at Cas again and gave him an apologetic smile.

"He overreacts sometimes if he's worried.", the hunter explained while getting into his beloved car. Castiel grinned and got in on the passenger seat.

"It's no Problem, really. He had a reason to be worried I mean, you disappeared and I certainly didn't make it better."

Dean laughed a little as he started the car. "Yeah guess you're right."

* * *

It had been a while since they'd started to drive back, they had sat in silence while Dean drove and Castiel held the hand that wasn't laying on the steering wheel.

Dean looked at the angel every now and then. Castiel knew that he wanted to say something but he didn't dare to ask Dean what it was that he wanted to tell him. He looked out of the window instead.

"Dean?", he asked as he didn't recognize any of their surroundings. They weren't on the way to the Motel. When he turned to Dean again he saw that the human was grinning broadly. "Dean, where are we going?"

Just in that moment Dean turned left onto a small path beside the road and stopped the car.

"Dean what-", Dean shut him by putting a finger onto the angels lips before he could finish the sentence. With a wink Dean got out of the car, motioning Cas to follow him. The angel frowned a little but then he heard strange noises, as if someone was walking on the roof of the car...

"You commin' or what?", he heard Dean laugh from the outside. He got out of the car, still confused but smiling.

He saw Dean sitting on the roof of the Impala, smiling broadly. Castiel laughed a little before zapping himself to Deans side. The hunter winced when he was at his side so suddenly but laughed at his own reaction.

"Dean, what are we doing here?", Castiel asked with a fond smile playing around his lips.

Dean shrugged and smiled back. "Wanted to spend a few last minutes alone with you. I mean, as soon as we're back at the motel we'll have Sam around all the time and I know that my life's a bitch, it gave me five minutes of happiness so I gotta enjoy them or they're over."

Castiel smiled to himself a little and leaned against Deans shoulder. Dean wrapped an arm around him and pressed a kiss onto the angels hair. "Besides, you can see the stars tonight, so I thought I might stop by for a few minutes so we can take a look at them ... together."

The angels gaze turned towards the dark night sky that was scattered with small glowing dots. He had seen all of this millions of times before, but it was like it was the first time he really _saw_ something. Not just the white dots that were sprawled all over the sky, he saw the different constellations, he saw how some of them were lighter than others, he saw how they were glowing, lightening up the sky a bit, he saw the strong dark blue of the sky, he saw all the beauty that the humans were talking about.

He moved as close to Dean as possible, he could feel the warmth of his arm laying on his shoulder. Being able to feel things had never been so good.

"Cas I... I need to tell you something.", Dean said, his voice just a whisper against the curly mess of Castiels hair. The angel turned his eyes towards his human again and was met with green eyes that seemed to glow in the dark.

"I am sorry. I am sorry for everything that I did when... when I wasn't myself.", Dean whispered. "Now don't say that it was not my fault because I didn't remember, because that's no excuse for hurting you."

"Dean please, you don't have to apologise."

"Yeah, sure.", Dean snorted, his voice dripping of sarcasm. "Cas I stabbed you! I treated you like a piece of shit, I- I ... I slept with Anna. Don't tell me that this is nothing."

The angel bit his lip as the human continued talking, his voice a softer than before. "What I actually wanted to tell you is that I never really stopped loving you. A part of me always knew it. I dreamed of you every night, and when you appeared in that barn I knew your face, I knew exactly how your voice would sound like. But I - I was too afraid. I shouldn't have stabbed you back then, but ever since I was four I was told to kill the things that scare me, and those feelings I got when I saw you - a complete stranger - scared me. I thought I had no other choice, but you always have."

Castiel swallowed thickly. "Why didn't you say something?"

Dean slightly shook his head. "I couldn't. I mean, I felt all those strange things - I just didn't know how to place them. I never told _anybody,_ not even Sammy, guess the me that wasn't me was afraid of something."

The human ran his hand up and down Castiels arm and chuckled slightly. "Besides, this dude had a gay crisis as tall as Sam."

The angel laughed a little. "Technically I'm not even male, I have no gender."

Dean laughed aswell. "Wow that was sexy Cas. Best pick up line ever. Like, 'S'up, I have no gender!'", he said in between giggles.

Castiel smacked Dean playfully and looked up at the stars again. "You're an idiot."

"You love me and you know it.", Dean whispered into Cas' ear. The warm breath against his neck made the angel shudder. "I think we should head back to the Motel now before Sammy tracks us down to smite our asses."

"Is it strange that I want to stay? Just like that, forever?"

He didn't see it but he could literally feel that Dean was smiling.

"No Cas, I don't want to aswell.", he said softly, "Looks like we're normal for once."


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: Hey guys! Sorry that this chapter is a little late but I had a little problem with finishing one of my other fics. So sorry...**

 **I hope you enjoy the little happy-fluff series I'm on right now - or how Dean called it: the five minutes of happiness. I don't want to worry you but you guys know me and you know Spn so enjoy it as long as you can ...**

 **Well whatever, thank y'all for the favs, follows and lovely reviews I got! I hope you like this chapter as much as you liked the last one.**

 **Much love**

 **Satans daughter XOXO**

* * *

Sam woke on the sound of a soft voice against his ear.

 _"It was the heat of the_ _moment, telling me what my heart meant...",_ with every second that passed Sams head cleared a little more and he could understand the words, _"... the heat of the moment showed in your eyes..._ rise and shine Sammy."

"No!", Sam screamed as he jackknifed off the bed, knocking something heavy to the floor. "No, no, no! That's impossible yesterday was, it was thursday! Dean?! DEAN?!"

The younger Winchester searched the room for his brother, but he only found one bed. His bed.

This was the room he had gotten himself last night, thursday night. It couldn't be tuesday... no he was safe, Dean was safe. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed heavily. That was by far the most vivid nightmare he had had after the whole mystery spot thing happened.

He heard a groan from the other side of his bed. With a frown he turned and automatically grabbed his gun. He cautiously walked towards the groans and huffed curses.

"Who is th-", he frowned and let the gun sink as he saw the small figure of Gabriel on the floor still grumbling something in a language he didn't know. "The hell? Gabe?"

"Surprise!", the archangel sighed and held the back of his head. "It was a lot funnier in my imagination. Damn that nightstand is one hell of a bitch..."

Sam laid the weapon down on his bed. "What was that?", he asked as he knelt down next to him.

"Wanted to startle you a little. Had no idea that your issue with that song was as that bad.", the archangel groaned and set up, "Aaand I guess I underrestimated your strenght a little."

Sam smirked smugly as he held out a hand to the archangel, "Don't ever underestimate humans Gabe, especially not Dean and me."

Gabriel snorted and took Sams Hand, "Yeah... won't do that again. Next time I'll just wake you up with something else."

The hunter laughed as he pulled the smaller man to his feet. "Do I want to know what you mean by that?."

Gabriel grinned broadly "I don't think so..."

Sam shook his head and turned Gabriel around to take a look at the back of his head. There was a small wound, it was bleeding heavily and Sam took a deep breath before getting his medical kit out of his duffel bag.

"Oh you wont need that Samster.", the archangel said nonchalantly.

"I don't think so... it looks quite bad I'll have to stich it.", Sam said but as soon as he turned to Gabriel again the wound and the blood was gone. "How did you...?"

The smaller man raised an eyebrow. "Wow, sometimes I don't get how you're the 'smart' one."

Sam gave him 'the bitchface' and crossed his arms in front of his chest, waiting for an answer.

Gabriel returned the bitchface , "Archangel? I thought you knew that angels can heal themselves, especially those with bigger wings."

Sam rolled his eyes, "Whatever, as long as you're okay it's fine."

"Naw how sweet of you Samantha.", the archangel said with a broad grin and pulled Sam closer by wrapping his arms around the taller mans waist. Sam pouted and tried to avoid eyecontact. "Oh c'mon you know I'm sorry that I'm such a jerk... just can't help it."

Sam chuckled lightly, "Maybe that's what I like about you."

"Oh there are a lot of other things that are likeable about me...", Gabriel said and wiggled his eyebrows.

The taller man laughed and wrapped his arms around the angels shoulders, "Like what?"

"Like that"

The blonde pulled Sam down by his shirt and crushed their lips together. Sam smiled against Gabe's lips and pulled him closer to deepen the kiss. Gabriel ran his Hands through Sams long hair and slightly pulled them, wich got him a few aproving sounds from the hunter.

They broke apart after a while because Sam really needed to breathe. Gabriel laughed as the human braced himself on the bed and took a few deep breaths.

"You were right that _was_ likeable...", Sam said, still panting faintly. Gabe smirked and sat down on the bed besides Sam, he looked around a little and frowned.

"Wait, since when do you have a room on your own... I thought you always shared rooms with Dean-O?"

Sam sat down next to the angel. "Well since he and Cas are back together I decided to give them a little privacy."

"Oh thats really thoughtful of you Sam."

"No it's not, it's pure self-defense.", Sam said and shook his head in disgust, "I mean, they could be just talking, but I don't wanna take that chance. I'm not willing to witness such things, I'd be scarred for live."

Gabriel laughed and leaned closer to Sam. "But look at the bright side,", he whispered into the hunters ear. "They're not the only one who have their privacy."

Sam felt his face heat up but couldn't stop the smile from spreading across his face.

* * *

Dean went to wake up Sam around nine. Cas was right behind him, still grinning like an idiot. His hair was twice as messy as usual - for a good reason - and Dean couldn't keep a smirk off his face. He knocked on the door and leaned against the doorframe. Just then he heard the voices from inside, mixed with soft giggling and ... well other noises.

Dean looked at Castiel with horror clear on his face. The angel chuckled and motioned for Dean to knock again. The hunter took a deep breath and forced himself to knock again, louder this time.

He heard a few curses from inside and after another minute or two the door was opened. Sam slipped through the small gap and pulled it closed behind him. He was dressed in nothing but a pair of boxershorts and a grey t-shirt. His hair was even messier than Cas' hair and his grin was as twice as big.

"Mornin guys", he said calmly. "Isn't that one of _your_ band shirts?"

Dean looked at Cas who was wearing one of his AC/DC shirts. "Yes it is but don't try to distract me Sammy. Who's in there?"

"That's a really good question Dean-O.", the door had opened again and a smirking archangel sided with Sam. Deans jaw dropped and even Castiel seemed a little confused now. "Naw look at them... now I know why you like them. They're adorable! I think I'm gonna keep you.", Gabriel laughed as he continued to button his shirt.

Sam laughed with him, Dean had thought that he might look embarrassed, but no. Not even in the slightest.

"I don't want to know what you did in there.", Dean said still a little surprised _and_ disgusted.

"No you don't, but I'd like to know why you interrupted it?", Sam said and laid an arm around the smaller mans shoulder.

"Uh yeah well I wanted to tell you that we'll leave in a few hours. Since this 'trickster' thing is ... well let's say done, we decided that we should get going."

Sam nodded. "Okay, just let me get dressed and then I'll grab my stuff."

"Got it. And you?", Dean turned to Gabe with a small smile.

"What about me?"

"Are you comming with us?", Dean said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Gabriel blinked a few times. "Wha- you sure?"

"Yeah, I mean you helped us out, Sammy seems to like you, Cas is your brother- in some strange way - and I guess I could even forget the mystery spot thing. Besides, we could use another angel in our team."

Sam looked down at Gabriel expectantly. "What do you say?"

The angel smiled at Sam and then looked at the others. "Let's kill as many sons of bitches as we can."

"Wait Dean said that once how'd you...?", Sam frowned at Gabe.

"I read the books."

Now the others were confused aswell, but Gabriel just laughed. "Guys there's so much you don't know yet. This is going to be so much fun."


	23. Chapter 23

"Who does this son of a bitch even think he is, huh?", Dean groweled as he got in the drivers seat and shut the door angryly.

Sam snorted as he got in on the passenger seat next to his brother. "Yeah, fucking prophets. Can't they write about their own fucking lifes?"

Dean nodded in agreement and waited for the two angels to get in on the backseat. While Gabriel was still laughing, Castiel looked at the brothers with sympathy.

"Have you seen his face?!", Gabriel giggled. "That was awesome! I have to go scare some prophets more often. It's SO MUCH FUN!"

Sam looked at the archangel in the rear view mirror and smiled slightly at how amused the blonde man was. Dean turned to Sam and cocked an eyebrow at him, but when he saw what his brother was looking at he laughed lightly before driving off.

"You know that's a little creepy... like, that poor guy sees everything we do.", Sam said after a few minutes. Gabe started laughing again.

"Yeah that explains his shocked expression when he saw us Samster, but I don't want to know what Cassie here did to Deanie to earn the look Chuck gave him."

"Gabriel!", both - Castiel and Dean - scolded as their faces turned red.

Gabe just laughed and Sam scrunched up his nose in disgust, before mumbling 'ew' and looking out of the window.

"Where are we going anyways?", Gabriel asked and leaned forward in his seat.

"I don't know yet.", Dean said and shrugged. "Sam?"

"If you want to, we could stop by a diner or something like that. Either way I'm gonna need my laptop so that I can find us a new case."

Gabriel nodded, "Diner."

"Diner sounds good to me too, what do you think Cas?", Dean asked and looked at Cas and the angel just shrugged. "Okay diner then."

* * *

"Okay pick one: I have, ghost, probably witch, Vampires, also ghost and demon.", Sam said and turned his laptop to his brother.

Dean looked over the few articles while eating his burger. "Definatly not the witch. I hate witches.", he said around a mouthful.

Sam nodded and picked around in his salad a Little. "Hm was worth a try."

"What about the Vampires?", Gabriel asked from besides Sam and stuffed a chocolate bar into his mouth.

Dean shrugged "Mawbew", he mumbled, his words were barely understandable. He turned to look at Cas, but the angel was looking out of the window they were sitting at, he had been strangely quiet all morning. Dean swallowed his food quickly and slightly nudged Cas' side. "Hey you okay?"

The angel blinked a few times but then turned to face Dean and smiled. "Yes I am good I was just thinking about something."

He could see that Dean was still a little worried so he gave him a quick kiss and put a hand on his shoulder reassuringly. "Don't worry okay."

"Oh you two are really sweet.", Gabriel mumbled and turned to his candy again.

"It's gross.", Sam added.

Dean rolled his eyes at the two others. "You two really do belong together huh?"

Sam laughed and Gabriel smirked to himself while attacking another Twix.

"So vampires then?", the younger hunter asked his brother and picked at his salad once more.

Dean shrugged, "Fure fy nwot?", he said, his mouth was already full again. Castiel laughed.

"Dean I think you shouldn't talk while you eat."

"Hey! Dawn't tell me whot to dwo or I wiff hath two kick yo aff twoniht!" (For those who didn't understand: Don't tell me what to do or I will have to kick your ass tonight!)

"Okay I didn't understand a word.", Gabriel said and frowned a Little.

Sam raised an eyebrow. "Yeah me neither but I'm not sure if I want to know what he said."

Dean smirked and dug into the burger again.

"Gross", Gabriel and Sam both said almost at the same time wich made Castiel chuckle. Dean nudged him into the side again and gave him a few signs.

"How far are the vampires from here?", the dark haired angel asked for Dean who was still chewing.

Sam turned the laptop again and typed in a few things. "Uh... 'bout five hours."

Dean nodded and downed his food with a swig of his water. "Alright let's go then."

The four men got up from their table and Dean left a few dollar notes before leaving.

* * *

"So that's all? Like, you just drive around the country and kill some of those ugly bitches? That's all? Doesn't that get lame after a while?", Gabriel asked as he entered the Motel room he shared with Sam.

The taller man laughed as he threw his duffelbag onto the double bed and pulled the door shut behind him. "Especially _you_ should know that it can get quite interesting sometimes."

Gabriel smirked. "Yeah but that was because I was with you."

Sam chuckled and pulled Gabe closer to him before wrapping his arms around the archangels waist. Gabriel instantly slung his arms around the taller mans neck. "Seriously, if you're ever feeling bored just tell me, I'll take you out, do something exciting, okay?"

Sam smiled at him. He had totally forgotten how it felt like to be happy, like really happy. Not just this fake happy, where you smile because you want to be left alone. The constant stress of the last few months had been pretty tough for Sam. Deans death, Ruby, the blood thing, all of it has been hard to handle and it got worse each day. Even after Dean came back he had sometimes still felt this agonizing emptiness. But now that Gabriel was with them it somehow got better, his humorous nature made it easier to cope with his stress. It had only been two days but he felt nearly as twice as good as before.

"Okay, but I don't think that I'll be bored anytime soon, not as long as you are by my side."

Sam saw Gabriel smile but there was something strange about it. The small angel quickly wrapped his arms around Sams chest and pulled him closer.

"Sam?", he mumbled against the hunters chest.

"Yes?"

"You like me don't you? You... You wont kick me out... right?", Gabriels voice was quiet, he sounded almost insecure.

"No I wouldn't do that. Not ever. Why?"

Gabriel slightly shook his head. "Please don't ask that."

"Okay", Sam whispered and pressed a kiss onto Gabes forehead.

* * *

It was in the middle of the night when something woke him. He looked at Sam, but the hunter was still sleeping. He remembered falling asleep snuggled up against Sams chest. Sams left arm was wrapped around his shoulders and his face had been resting on Gabes head. At first Sam had wondered why Gabriel wanted to sleep at all. He had always thought angels didn't have to sleep and they really didn't have to but if they wanted to, they could.

Gabe looked around and in the shadows he could see a dark silhouette. "Who's there?", he asked quietly, carefully lifting Sams arm so that he could get up and defend them if necessary.

"It's me.", the Person said. It was Castiel.

Gabriel sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Damn it Cassie you scared the hell out of me. What's wrong?"

"We need to talk about something."

"And that couldn't wait til tomorrow? I swear I you wake up Sam -"

"It's about heaven.", Castiel said and cut the other angel off. Gabriel clenched his jaw and threw a look towards the sleeping Sam.

"We'll go outside.", Gabriel said matter of factly and almost pushed the other angel out of the room.

As soon as the door was closed Gabriel turned to look at Castiel, his golden eyes suddenly hard. "What's wrong in heaven?"

"Anael, you knew her right?", Castiel asked and waited for Gabriel to nod before he continued, "She told me that she wanted to free heaven from Michael and Raphael, she asked me to help her, but I couldn't. Not in the way she had planned on doing it."

"Castiel, what are you trying to tell me?", Gabriel asked warily, he knew what Cas wanted to say but he just didn't want it to be true.

"I'm going to do it. I'm going to free heaven, but I'll do it my way. I need you to help me, Gabriel. Please."


	24. Chapter 24

**Hey guys!**

 **I'm happy to announce that we did it! We hit 50 follows and Reviews! :)**

 **I'm really proud of this and I want to thank everyone who helped my story to come this far. So yeah, thank you for everything. You're awesome! :)**

 **(Okay sorry for ruining it but guess who's back? Right! The Drama)**

* * *

The hunt had gone pretty well, the two angels had been quite helpful. It had turned out that Gabriel was able to produce light that had the same effect on them as sunlight, Cas on the other hand was pretty good at cutting their heads off, he was a quick fighter. The brothers had felt completely useless for the very first time on a hunt. It was all done very quickly.

Though everything was fine, the angels acted strange. Gabriel, who usually wouldn't shut up wasn't talking for hours sometimes, Cas was staring off into the distance every now and then, but every time one of the Brothers asked if something was wrong they said everything was okay. But we all know that angels are bad liars. Sam and Dean tried their best to get them to talk about it but whatever it was, they didn't want to talk. So they dropped it.

It was maybe a week after the case was done. When Dean woke up, he didn't know where he was or what time it was. His mind was still a little slower than usual so it took him a little to notice that he was moving... somehow. His legs were held up in a strange angel and one of his arms was hanging in the air loosely. He was swaying back and forth softly and his head rested against something firm. It took him another few seconds to realise that he was being carried. That was when the scent of earth and a hint of gunpowder filled his nose.

"Cas?", he asked sleepy and blinked a few times.

"Dean?", he barely heard the angels voice.

"Cas where are we?", Dean groaned as a small shimmer of light blinded him.

Castiel said something but the only words he really understood were cabin, forrest and something like Gorgia, but maybe he was just imagining it.

"Cas please what's going on?", he asked again as his mind started to clear again. He was able to open his eyes now and looked up at Cas.

The angel didn't answer, nor did he look at him. He laid him down onto a bed instead. Dean propped himself up onto his elbows, the angel had already turned around again and was on the way back to the door. "Cas!"

He stopped in his tracks and sighed softly. "Dean you should go back to sleep..."

Dean frowned, "What? No! Tell me what's going on? What are we doing here?"

"Dean I can't, not now. I don't have time.", Castiel said quietly.

"Is that why you were acting so strange lately?", he asked and got up from the bed. "Cas what are we doing here?"

Castiel turned around again, his expression was emotionless, but his eyes told another story. They were filled with worry and sadness. Dean took a deep breath, what was it that could worry Cas as that much?

"Dean listen to me please, it's not easy to explain.", the angel said slowly and dropped his gaze to the floor.

"Cas I don't und-"

"I have to leave."

Deans heart stopped for a few seconds and he felt how his eyes started to burn immediatly. "Leave? Wha- Where are you going?"

Castiel kept on avoiding Deans eyes and bit his lips nervously. "Dean I have to go now, I can't explain it to you. Pleas, just stay here and wait for me."

Tears were streaming down Deans face. "Let me go with you.", he begged. His voice was thick and he couldn't hold back a sob as Castiel shook his head.

"Dean what I am about to do is dangerous, I'll have enemies and they know about you. You are safe here, no one will find you. The Cabin is hidden by a spell and as long as they don't know the Keyword they can't enter... nor can you leave."

"No, no! I'm not letting you go, not now.", Dean said and shook his head violently "No, I just got you back."

Castiel took a shaky breath and looked up at the hunter again. His eyes were filled with tears aswell, Dean could see that it took the angel everything to hold them back. "Dean I ... I'll come back. I always do."

"Tell me where you're going. That's the least you can do.", Dean said quietly, after a while of thinking.

Cas swallowed and nodded slightly. "I.. I'm going to heaven. I'll free my brothers and sisters and make heaven a better place, together with Gabriel. There will be war and they will be after me, but you are safe in here."

Deans eyes widened and his jaw dropped. "N- no ... I - I won't let you go to war.", Dean stammered and grabbed Cas' shoulders. "You could die."

"Dean, I won't die. I'm a good fighter, and Gabriel has my back. Trust me."

The angel took the hunters face into his hands and caressed his freckled cheeks lightly. A sad smile played around his lips and a single tear managed to escape his control.

Dean closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I do..."

"Good... before I leave, there are books in the living room. They show you how to send angels away, or trap them. Gabriel got you holy oil, it's in the kitchen under the sink. And in the brown box on the counter are angel blades for you and Sam, please be careful with them."

Dean nodded and looked into Cas' blue eyes. The angel looked right back at him and continued to give him instructions. "There will always be food and water so you won't have to leave the cabin. It's a spell Gabriel created. Don't ask me how he did it, I have no idea. Don't call anyone, not Bobby, not Ellen, no one. They should not know about this or they'll get hurt."

Dean nodded again. "When will you be back?"

"I don't know. But I'll come down as often as possible. I promise."

Dean swallowed and closed his eyes. "I don't want you to go. Nothing good has ever happened when you left."

"I know. I don't want to leave you Dean, but I can't take you with me either. As long as we're together I'm vulnerable, you're my weak spot.", the angel whispered and sighed a little.

"Okay... but I swear if someone hurts you..."

The angel chuckled sadly. "I know Dean... I know."

Dean felt Cas' lips against his own. He put his hands onto the angels neck and pulled him closer, never wanting to let him go. Tears started streaming down his cheeks controllessly, but it was okay, he knew Cas was crying too.

"Castiel? We have to go.", a quiet voice from behind them broke their kiss and made them turn. It was Gabriel, his face was a little pale and Dean saw that he had been crying.

Cas nodded and turned to Dean a last time. Dean nodded and kissed his forehead softly, before letting him go. The dark haired angel sided with his brother and looked back at Dean.

"Could you... could you tell Sam something for me?", Gabriel asked quietly. Dean nodded. "I love him. And if he does something stupid, I swear to dad, I'll smite his fucking ass."

Dean smiled sadly and nodded again. "I'll tell him."

Gabriel nodded towards Castiel and disappeared into thin air. Castiel looked at Dean a last time.

"I love you. Don't forget that.", he whispered and with those words he was gone aswell.


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: Hey there everybody!**

 **So I got asked if this was the ending and I'm gonna calm you, I'm no where near the end of this story yet. I swear my storyline is so messed up and Long, it's gonna take an eternity to finish this story XD So, no this is not the end (besides, you know me. This isn't tragic enough to be the ending XD)**

 **Thanks to everyone who reviewed, favoritted and followed. It means a lot to me :)**

 **I hope you enjoy the new chapter :)**

* * *

"Gabe? Gabriel?!"

Dean sighed heavily as he heard his brothers confused voice. It had been a few hours since the two angels had left, Dean had hoped that Sam would sleep a little longer so that he would have more time to think of a way to explain everything to him.

He heard footsteps coming from one of the rooms together with more confused calls. Dean took a deep breath and closed the book he'd been reading. It was one of the books Cas and Gabe had brought to the cabin. He looked up at his brother who had just entered the living room.

"Dean! Where the hell are we?!", Sam asked as he crossed the room with a few long strides.

"I don't know Sam.", Dean answered quietly.

Sam frowned, "What the - ? Where is Gabe? Is Cas here?", he continued to walk around, calling for Gabe a few times.

Dean followed him, his heart sinking a little. This was not going to be easy. "They're gone Sam."

Sam froze and Dean heard his Brothers breath hitch. "What?"

Dean swallowed hardly, "They brought us here a few hours ago, if I hadn't woken up I would've missed them."

Sam turned around to Dean, "I- I don't understand. Where are they? Why did they leave?"

"Heaven... they are in heaven.", Dean said and looked at his hands.

"What?!", Sam yelled, "Tell me that this is a joke."

Dean shook his head slowly. "It's not Sammy."

"What the hell are they doing up there Dean?! Why would they go there?!", Sam cried out, his voice getting thicker with every word he said.

"Sammy I don't-"

"Oh no don't give me that shit! I want to know why Gabriel left!"

"They... Cas said they would free heaven from Michael and Raphael.", Dean said after a small pause.

Sams eyes widened. "Dean that- that's like-"

Dean nodded, "Suicide I know."

Sam shook his head in disbelief, "Why?"

The older Winchester closed his eyes and sighed. "I don't know..."

"Dean, we have to get them back or they'll die!"

"How?", Dean whispered. "How Sam? We can't leave this place, we have nothing to work a summoning spell with, how should we bring them back?"

"We'll think of something! We're the Winchesters Dean, we can do this!", Sam said desperatly.

"Sam we both know that it ain't gonna work. We have to do what Cas told me, stay safe and wait for them to return.", Dean sighed.

"Wait for them?", Sam repeated, "Wait for them to die? Wait for them to be gone forever? Dean I can't I- I - "

Dean looked up at his brother. He was trying to fight back the tears that were starting to form in his eyes. "Dean, I can't lose him now. I was happy for once, for once in such a long time. This can't be over..."

Dean had to take a deep breath, it was hard watching Sam like that. "C'mere.", he said quietly and pulled his brother into a tight embrace.

Sam burried his face in the crook of Deans neck, letting his tears run free, while Dean slightly patted his back and placed his chin on Sams shoulder as he always did. "Sam it's okay, I promise. Gabe is strong, you know he is. We tried to kill him several times already, he's still alive right?"

Sam slightly nodded against Deans shoulder.

"See? We couldn't kill him, so neither can those angelic sons of bitches.", he whispered and closed his eyes. "Sam... before he- before Gabriel left he asked me to tell you something."

Sam pulled back quickly, searching his brothers face with swollen hazel eyes. "What did he tell you?"

Dean swallowed hardly. "He said that he loves you."

More tears formed in Sams eyes, but he just let them drop. "He does?", Sams voice was marely a whisper.

"Yeah and he said that he would smite your ass if you do something stupid.", Dean said and smiled weakly. Sam nodded and let go of Dean.

"I love him too you know?", Sam whispered.

"I know Sammy, but that's exactly why you have to respect his choices and stay safe. Do you understand that?"

Sam nodded again and sighed a little. Dean smiled faintly and patted Sams shoulder once again. "Now c'mon Sammy we have a lot to read."

* * *

Castiel breathed in the air of heaven, it had been too long since he had been here. Even though the last time he had been here was unpleasant, it was still his home, one of the places he belonged to. The other place was with Dean.

He looked at Gabriel who was using his illusions to change his looks, his voice, even his aura. It was necessary for their plan that his true identity stayed secret until the very end. He laid a comforting hand onto his brothers shoulder and smiled sadly. He knew that it was hard for Gabriel to leave Sam and earth behind, to return to the home that had abandoned him and start a war against his brothers. Castiel knew, because it was the same with him.

Gabriel took a deep breath and took a step forward, "So here we are Cassie...Heaven. What's next?"

"We are going to talk to our brothers and sisters. I know very well that some of them are already wondering what it feels like, freedom and emotions, they're just too afraid to stand up against Michael and Raphael. If we lead the way they'll fight for us, for themselves."

Gabriel nodded, "Smart kid, smart kid. But I guess Michael and Raphael will know soon. They'll send their own armys."

"I know.", Castiel sighed. "And that's why we have to find allies quickly, luckily I already have an idea who'll definately help us."

Gabriel sighed aswell, "God the last few millenia have been so nice. Why exactly am I doing this?"

Cas chuckled lightly, it was a good thing Gabriel never lost his humor not even in times like this.

"Well then c'mon baby brother, we've got work to do."


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: Sorry that I didn't update sooner. I was busy writing one of my other Storys because I really _really_ needed to get some stuff out of my head. Looks like I've now reached that point with this Story too. I guess that, if I didn't get those words out of my head now, I probably would have either jumped out of a Building _or_ have a mental break down. So yeah, here it is, chapter 26!**

 **Okay, for those who noticed, I changed something in the summary. It says 'major character deaths in later chapters', and please, _please,_ don't freak out. 'Later chapters' means really late chapters, it will take a while till we get there. I've finally worked out the _whole_ storyline and - seriously guys I'm not lying I'm terribly emotional when it Comes to writing - I _cried._ I CRIED. So I decided to warn you guys. Prepare okay? **

**Oh dear Chuck I'm talking way too much again don't I? Well anyways, there's one other thing I'd like to tell you, and that is ... _drum rolls ..._ You are great guys! Over fifty Followers and sixty Reviews I'm so damn proud! Love you all and please, because I love you, please prepare because I'm such a mean son of a bitch.**

 **\- Assbutt in a Trenchcoat.**

* * *

The waiting drove Dean crazy. It was awful to wake up every morning hoping that maybe today, maybe he would be there. Be there like he used to. Sitting on his bed, next to him. Looking down at him with this adorable smile and this fond glint in this cerulean eyes of his. He missed him and it tore Dean apart.

What was even worse was the feeling of 'not knowing'. Not knowing if Castiel was still alive, not knowing if he was okay or if he was hurt, and not knowing how the war would end that they had started.

But even though he felt awful, broke and alone, he tried to stay strong. For Sam. Because the only thing worse than missing Cas and falling apart more and more every day, was watching his Sammy fall apart, because Gabriel was gone too. So he tried to hold on, to stay calm- at least on the outside - as long as Sam was around. When he was alone though he couldn't fight the tears anymore. Suppressing his feelings wasn't new to him. He had done it most of his life, ever since that fateful day his mom was killed. He had been told that he had to be strong, you can't be strong if you cry over silly things like feelings.

 _'Quit whining, you're a man Dean. Men don't cry like babies.',_ John had once told him. It was after the thing with Cassie had ended, he felt awful and for once _just once_ he allowed himself to cry, once in many years. _Of course_ his dad caught him crying, it had been one hell of an arguement.

But with Castiel it was a different thing. When it came to his angel Dean was more vulnerable than ever.

It was the 17th day they spent alone in the cabin. When Dean went to the living room in the morning he found Sam in his usual spot, crouched down on the couch and looking out of the window with an expression that made it even harder for Dean to keep the fake smile on his face steady.

"Hey Sammy.", he said softly as he sat down in front of his brother. Sam had pulled his knees onto his chest and wrapped his arms around them so that he took in the least of space the Couch had to offer. He didn't even look at Dean, he just kept staring out of the window.

"Didn't you sleep?", Dean asked a worried. Sam hadn't slept in days, this started to be far beyond healthy now.

Sam didn't answer _again_. Deans gaze fell onto the glass of water he had given Sam yesterday, it was still full. "And you didn't drink anything...", Dean sighed.

"Okay uhm... what about pancakes for breakfast?", Dean asked and tried another smile but it faltered a little. Sam still showed no kind of reaction. "Or I could make some bacon and eggs? Oh! I know I'll make Mr. Breakfast, what do you think Sammy?"

Mr. Breakfast was something Dean had invented when they were younger. Of Course he wasn't the first person ever to do that, but five year old Sammy didn't know right? It was simple. Something probably every big brother would have done.

It was kind of a face made of food, two fried eggs representing the eyes, bacon as mouth and a collar made of pancakes. Sammy had called it Mr. Breakfast, and for a long time it had been his favorite breakfast.

Dean watched his brother thoroughly and, much to his surprise, Sam nodded. "Yes... please.", Sam whispered. Dean almost didn't hear him.

He gave his brother another smile and lightly patted his shoulder. "Sure Sammy. Whatever you want."

"Thanks.", Sam whispered still not looking at his older brother.

Dean nodded and got up. This was the most Sam had said in two days, and even if it was not much, Dean was happy that Sam was willing to eat. When he got up he could see Sam pick up the glas off the window sill out of the corner of his eye.

He smiled to himself, at least he was drinking something.

* * *

Dean made his way to the kitchen, throwing looks at Sam over his shoulder. The first thing he did was making some coffee, and after a while of thinking, a hot chocolate followed. If Sammy wanted some Mr. Breakfast, than he wouldn't want coffee.

He was halfway through making breakfast when he noticed two envelopes laying on the table. Dean frowned and pulled the frying pan off the stove. Neither had he put them there, nor had he seen any envelopes laying around the cabin in the past weeks. _Somebody_ put them there. And this somebody was definately not Sam.

He narrowed his eyes and pulled the angel blade out of the attachment on his belt. Warily he walked towards the table on wich the envelopes lay.

Sam heard a strange noise coming from the kitchen. Obviously Dean had dropped something, but the loud gasp that followed made Sam wonder.

"Dean?", he asked and, for like the first time in about four days, he looked away from that spot in the woods he'd been staring at.

"Sam!", Dean yelled from out of the kitchen.

That was all it took, Dean sounded strange and that alarmed him. He jumped up and ran towards the kitchen. He almost fell because his muscles were stiff from not moving for days. "Dean, what's wrong?", he asked when he entered the kitchen.

He stopped in his tracks as he saw Dean crying on the floor, his angel blade laying next to him. In his hands he was holding to small envelopes.

"Letters.", Dean whispered and smiled up at Sam through tears. "They sent us letters Sam."

Sams breath caught in his throat. _Gabriel._

"He... a letter?", Sams voice cracked a little. It had been over two weeks and now there was finally a letter... a sign that he was alive.

Dean nodded and handed him one of the envelopes, the one with the golden rose on it. Sams breath quickened as his hands touched the almost soft paper of the white envelope.

 _Sam,_ it said in a clean handwriting.

"Dean I... I'm in my room if you need me.", Sam said absently and didn't even wait for his brother to answer and turned around.

* * *

 _Dear Sam,_

 _It's me Gabriel, but I guess that you know that. You are smart, so smart. Shouldn't I be the smart one? I'm an archangel I should know so much more than I do. But there sure is one thing that I know. It's that I miss you more than anything and I want nothing more than to see you. I wish I could have come, but Cassie needs me. He's good but I'm better- and of course, I bet you know that too, don't you?_

 _If you could see me right now you'd laugh your cute ass off. I'm tall Sam! I'm about Deans height and my hair is almost as dark as Cassie's. You wouldn't like my disguise though, I don't like it either. The eyes are the worst part, they're like mud you know? I hate it. I miss you._

 _It's like Michael and Lucifer all over again, brother against brother, sister against sister. My hands are bloody, Sam, from battles against my own kind, from killing my own Brothers and sisters. The only reason I'm still here is Cassie. And you._

 _Because I know that if we win, you'll have a safe heaven after your death and that is more important than anything._

 _Theres no place on earth, in heaven or hell I'd rather be right now than in your arms. Believe me, as soon as there is even the slightest Chance of slipping out of our camp I'll be with you._

 _I'm alive, I'm not hurt, I miss you, I love you._

 _Gabriel_

* * *

 _Dear Dean,_

 _I'm alive and I'm not injured. I'm really sorry that I couldn't reach you any sooner. It's even worse than I thought it would be. It's exhausting and sometimes I question why I'm even doing this, but I'll keep on fighting. There is no going back anymore and if I want to make it back to you alive I'll have to fight. And trust me when I say that there is nothing in this universe I want more than to be with you._

 _It has been two weeks now and every injury they caused me until now was not nearly as bad as being away from you for so long. It's painful, nearly as painful as back then, when they took you away from me. That's why I gave Samandriel those letters. I know I shouldn't have done it, but I needed to let you know about my - our - Situation._

 _You can pray to me, any time. I'm always listening and I miss your voice so much..._

 _I love you Dean, always remember that._

 _Castiel_


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: SHAME. ON. ME.**

 **Guys, I'm a monster. Seriously. There's literally no good excuse for leaving you guys hanging all the time and I feel awful.**

 **It's twenty past 1 in the morning, I just wrote a whole chapter of this and I feel awful.**

 **I am so SO sorry for not updating in ages and I hope you can forgive me. (Insert sad smiley face here please)**

 **Anyways,**

 **I tried a new POV in this chapter, or rather a new character so I hope that makes up for the 'long-time-no-update'-thingy** **(Besides, my writing skills may or may not have improved recently so I hope that's also a little comfort :) )**

* * *

Dean carefully knocked on Sams door.

"Dean you don't have to knock, just come in.", Sam said from inside the room.

Dean opened the door and walked over to Sam who was sitting on his bed, the letter still in his hands. "I'm sorry that I ... you know I just lost control. I was so happy that they're alive."

Sam smiled faintly. "Dean you don't need to apologise for crying."

Dean sat down next to him and laughed a little. "Yeah but I feel like I should."

Sam shook his head and chuckled lightly.

"So...", Dean said after a while of silence. "Better?"

Sam nodded. "Yeah, better."

"You know, Cas said that we could always pray to them. Just in case that you want to say something.", Dean suggested.

Again his little brother nodded. "That sounds good."

Dean smiled at Sam and patted his back.

"Hey what about that breakfast thing, hm?", the younger Winchester asked after another short silence.

"Oh... almost forgot that. Give me five minutes."

And with that Dean disappeared into the kitchen.

Sam sighed a little and looked at the small letter in his hands again. He hadn't let go of it since he had gotten it and he wasn't going to anytime soon, so he read it again and again and again...

* * *

Samandriel entered their camp only seconds after he had left the Winchesters cabin. He was glad that Castiels password had worked, he didn't know what the spell that hid it could do and he certainly didn't want to find out.

He looked around on the field they had retreated to after their last battle. His brethren where busy healing the wounded or burrying the dead and he had to look away. He couldn't stand all this agony.  
He promised himself that he would help as soon as he'd reported to Castiel.

As if on cue he saw Castiel and his second in command Dariel standing in front of their tent talking to Balthazar.  
Actually Balthazar and Castiel did most of the talking, they always did, Dariel just stood by Castiels side and looked almost bored.

Probably for the millionth time Samandriel wondered about the other angel. He didn't recall seeing him before all of this started and neither did Samandriels friends.

He sighed and shook the thought off.

That was not important.

Dariel was a good soldier, fast, strong and most importantly loyal to Castiel.

"Samandriel!", Castiel greeted the younger angel as soon as he was within eyesight. His voice was beyond curious with a sharp edge to it that Samandriel could only identify as anxiousness. "How did it go? Are they alive? Did they get the letters?"

Samandriel smiled kindly and nodded in response. "Everything went well, they are alive and got their letters, I made sure of it."

He was surprised to see that not only Castiel but also Dariel seemed beyond relieved to hear those words.

It was the first time Samandriel had ever seen Dariel look so peaceful since the other angel hardly showed emotions at all.

He was dragged out of his thoughts as Castiel laid a hand on his shoulder.

"Thank you..."

Castiels voice was quite soft as he said that, as if he was on the verge of tears, but on his face there was only the gentle smile he always wore when Samandriel saw him.

"You really do love him... don't you?"

It was stupid to ask that, Samandriel knew it, and it was only confirmed when Castiels smile faltered a little.

But much to his surprise Castiel answered anyways.

"Yes I do... more than anything..."

The dark haired angel cast a look at his second in command whose facial expression had turned back to it's previous state.

There seemed to be some kind of silent exchange between them because only seconds later Castiel stiffened visibly and swallowed thickly.

"Balthazar, Samandriel, I'm sorry but would you two excuse us for a second, there's something Dariel and I have to talk about..."

Balthazar dismissively waved a hand at him. "Whatever Cassie, 'was getting too emotional for me aniways..."

And with that he started walking away.

Samandriel opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by Balthazar who called something along the lines of 'You coming Dear?', over his shoulder. So the young angel said his goodbyes and followed his brother.

"Don't you think there's something up with Dariel?", Balthazar asked, completely out of the blue.

Samandriel blinked a few times, trying to figure out if he should tell the truth or not. But since lying to his allies was not an option that he should favor he said,

"He does seem strange, but I trust him. He's a friend of Castiels so why wouldn't I?"

Balthazar snorted, "Because blindy trusting anyone is not healthy, dear."

Samandriel thought about that for a second or two.

"Why do _you_ think that something is wrong.", the younger angel asked eventually.

Balthazar smirked lightly.

"Because when I ran away, there were a few that tried to stop me. And - of course - they didn't survive said action."

Samandriel frowned lightly and looke at the older angel with a question written all over his features.

' _And?_ '

"One of them,", Balthazar continued, " was an angel called Dariel, who looked quite a lot like Cassies Second in command over there."

Samandriel suddenly came to a stop as the meaning of Balthazars words hit him.

"So the question is,", Balthazar looked back at Samandriel as he continued to walk over to his own tent. "Who is he really?"

* * *

"He knows", Gabriel states coldly as soon as the other angels are out of their hearing range.

"I know...", Castiel sighs and rubs a tired hand over his face.

"And he's going to want answers...", the disguised archangel continues.

Another sigh from Castiel. " _Yes_ I know..."

"Do you think he'll do something that might endanger our mission?", Gabriel asked, now finally turning to look at Castiel.

The other angel shook his head. "No, that would mean to endanger himself. He wouldn't do that."

That answer seemed to be good enough for Gabriel since he nodded and sighed as well.

"How long 'til we start the final attack?"

Castiel looked around the camp for a moment.

"We should give them few more days to recover and heal, besides, we still need to work on the strategy or else...", Castiel didn't have to end the sentence.

Again Gabriel nodded, before turning away and walking onto the open field.

"Where are you going?", Castiel asked, his brow furrowed and arms slowly crossing in front of his chest.

Gabriel didn't turn around nor did he stop.

"Since you can probably can go for an hour or two without me right now,", He said, "I'm going to go and visit my boyfriend."

Castiel wanted to warn Gabriel since it was probably rather dangerous to go there, in disguise with a very protective _and_ armed Dean Winchester in there, but he was tackled by a group of angels needing help with the medication. And as soon as he was free again Gabriel was - of course - already gone.


End file.
